Why is forgiveness so hard to do and when you finally get there and forgive you something comes up and it makes you angry and sad all over again. I do understand that forgiveness is like peeling an onion. This last time I felt God wanted me to forgive my parents yet again for all they had done to me as a kid. How many times have I been down this road? Far to many as far as I’m concerned. I released them up to God so that He could do with them what He needs to do. I felt huge peace about it. I was released from that Hate I carried in my heart.
I do believe in righteous anger so maybe this is how I’m feeling now. Yesterday I was looking at a post one of my sisters posted on face book. Gayle is one of my step sisters who I have not had any contact with for many years but she still has me on her face book. We don’t communicate but she’s never taken me off like my other siblings did so that’s something to me. I saw another post about my dad and his art and what he’s doing, so I was curious to see what projects he’s been doing. I guess he just celebrated his 80th birthday and one of the things he did just before his birthday was he was honored at a school in his hometown growing up. There were photos of him in a classroom with all these children and a bulletin board in the background with photos of him and his work and life. He was honored at this school and then he gave the school one of his paintings.
Part of me wanted to contact this school and let the principal know what kind of a man this man is and that’s he’s not to be trusted around children. Did the school really know who this man is and maybe someone should ask him what had he done in past. This is where my anger arises. It makes me so angry that this man got away with what he and his wife did. There is zero consequences for what my brother and I suffered in the hands of this monster. The whole world thinks he’s the best kindest man they know. What would people think if they knew the truth? I guess writing that book would expose their lies but does God want me to do that.
So yes as I forgive once again, this makes me angry and upset. God uses righteous anger in the bible. I never rest that he walked away from all his responsibilities and that people need to know what a monster he is. I also think him getting us out of his life that now he can live behind his lie. How do I have peace in this whole situation. I give it back to God yes but when it comes up I feel like this every time. Is this wrong for me to think this? I guess I keep working at my memoirs and get my story out there to help others who have tough things in their life and if the truth comes out then it comes out. I really believe that my truth will indeed set me free.
Forgiveness is hard yes, but it releases me from all that was done to me as a child. It releases that power that Satan has over me and that person cannot hurt me anymore in any way. When I forgive I’m not excusing what was done to me, but rather frees me up to live my life. It also gives me huge peace that only can come from Him. Forgiveness is also so freeing. Part of my journey to redemption.