Step five is about admitting and naming the truth about ourselves. I found this step hard but then I realized it’s not about feelings of humiliation and rejection or shame. For me it put my wrong doings into the Light so they no longer were hidden. It helped me honest to myself, others and to God. It gave me a new perspective about how not to behave in the future. For me sharing my story is important as it gives others hope and encouragement and that we all sin in one form or another.
I found a Godly Christian woman to still loves and accepts me and did not judge me. She listened and understood. My shame is liting and it feels good to have someone who will stand behind me in this process. Find Someone who you respect and understands what you are trying to do. Someone you can share your fears with, tears or pray with you. For me I have shared different things with different people and sharing your story will become easier. For me I have shared with other woman in my addictions group and it helps a lot to have someone understand who had gone through addiction as well. Sharing our stories helps us heal.
It’s hard to look back at the crazy things I did in addiction, it was hard for me to feel comfortable sitting and sharing but glad I’m no longer in this space and that I needed to be good to myself with what I shared. The fifth step is about openess and communication to look deeper into ourselves. Telling someone else about it releases us from holding anything in secret. I hated that addiction could have huge power over me in darkness. When I told nobody it just got worse and worse, in the light I was held accountable and the Light shone in those dark areas.
By telling God our truths we open ourselves to a deeper communication. For me I wrote down in my journal and then I prayed them to God and then asked God to forgive me and I had to forgive myself for what had happened. For me my fifth step offered healing, it gave me a new relationship with others which I never imagined. It strengthened me more in trust and honesty. It made me real with others. In addiction I lied and manipulated everyone I could to get what I wanted. I no longer am that person. Slowly I’m learning self-acceptence and self-forgiveness. We will not regret the past, but also do not want to repeat it. Now I can see the experiences and patterns that hurt me and held me back. I can see what patterns I want to change and in the next step we are ready to let go.
One thing I am most grateful for in this step is that I no longer need to feel that shame about my past. I also feel humbled and free from who I used to be to whom I am now.