In this Step we are willing to be open to change, willing to let go of habits that caused our lives to be inbalanced. We become open to a deeper knowledge and clearer vision. In this step we need to be truthful about our mistakes and how we have behaved. List your patterns mine included: blaming others, guilt, shame, self- hatred, keeping things secret and telling lies. All of us want to change patterns that hurt others and cause pain. This can be hard for people because in this step you must fully surrender and be ready to let go. This is why I turned to God for help.
In Step Six we prepare ourselves for change by looking at our patterns am I holding on to things, what do I need to release? How do we feel when we let it go? When we do this then we can see why we stayed locked in our own patterns of behavior. Some people will write down their insights, talk to an accountability partner or a counselor they trust or a friend. Letting go is huge in this step. Letting go can be scary and fearful. I came to reconize my powerlessness of my sexual addiction. I had little control over it and how much it controlled my life. The day came when I was really ready to give it up and completely change. As addicts we often say thats it we are done, but end up right back in the same pattern we so wanted to get out of. I hated that so much. I often talk about feeling like the hamster stuck on the wheel going around and around.
Our patterns helped us survive our defenses protected us well. We created these patterns to help us block out our pain. Whatever your addiction was or is we use it to fill up a void in our lives. Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder so I often felt rejection or abandonment. Even now I often feel unloved by my husband. I thought by reading books or watching movies or things I should not be waching, that I would feel better about myself. Instead it just made me feel worse. I had to put all my trust in the Lord. In this step, it’s a must to trust the Lord. God remove all these defects. Now I realize that it’s better to give up my old patterns as they are too painful. I now realize it’s time to let go.
With a new awareness comes a new attitude that there is truly hope and redemption for our sins. It can be both a painful and humbling experience. The key to step 6 is to be honest with ourselves amd to be patient. Trust yourself that you will be willing to let go when the time is right. Trust that God can restore you in this journey. Step 6 asks us to be ready to have God remove all these defects of character. We need to be honest with ourselves and look deeper.
I found this step hard, but I also knew that I needed to look good and hard at my life and after I saw the patterns then I could catch myself before I went down that same old path. Honesty was hard for me, because lies had become too easy for me, but to fully admit what I had done and shine light on it I had to be honest first with myself and then with others around me and lastly God. I did a lot of journal writing which helped me see how I got off track. I had to stop blaming others and take responsibility for my actions. Even if it was painful for me to admit I took that step and finally got off the hamster wheel. All I had to do was step off I just had no idea.
The bible story about the man who was crippled for 38 years and Jesus saw him lying there and said to him ” Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered ” I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up.” Jesus said to him ” Get up take up your bed and walk.” And at once the man was healed and he took up his bed and walked. John 5: 5-9 I love this story because I know God also asked me Sarah Do you want to get well? For a long time I would say I would but continued in addiction. Finally I said to God Yes God I want to be well.
In Step 7 – we will look at how these character traits will be removed and humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomimgs.