Last night I wrote about rejection and how it made me feel and how I had forgiven my family for how I had been hurt, but I realized this morning that this is bigger than what I experienced this week. This is a deep rooted issue and it coincides with issues I have with abandonment. I’ve just celebrated two years of sobriety and this morning I badly wanted to use addiction to stop feeling all the feelings I have had this week. A ton of issues came up and yes I did pray about them and forgive I realized that this is a bigger part of my life. After wrestling with a lot of emotions this morning I was drawn to a movie I used to watch and watched for about half an hour and switched it off. I’ve not been tempted in a long time to use addiction and realized this morning if I did not reach out to friends and pray about this that my addiction could come back and nothing in this world is worth that EVER!!!!!
I know had a choice to slip yes or choose to go further and relapse after I have worked so hard to stay clean. I’ve chosen to walk away and I told people I trust what was happening and have people pray with me. I have also chosen to write about it on here as it brings the slip into the light. I hate addiction so much and realized in a blink of an eye this could be over my sobriety. I will not lose this fight so I have prayed about it and asked for forgiveness and have forgiven myself for this. I will continue to move forward from this and learn that addiction is not that far away from you even in sobriety. After I write this I will also write a letter to the people that have hurt me. It’s one of those letters that you don’t send but get out all the feelings that are bottled up inside. I have avoided it all day and now I need to release those emotions. After all this time it’s still hard to feel emotions and sit with them.
” Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ” – James 4:7
” And the God of all grace, who called you to HIs eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” – 1 Peter 5:10
” Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance. Perserverance, character, hope and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. ” – Romans 5:3-5
” Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and I will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11: 28-30 ”
These are some scriptures and there is so many more of them. I love the one about our suffering produces perserverance, because all those who know me know I never give up. This just makes me stronger in what God wants for me. I will not give in to addiction and it will NOT WIN!!!! I appreciate being able to be share my heart on my blog with my friends and my readers. For now I need to guard my heart from addiction and temptation. I have a lot of accountability in my life which I’m grateful for and I will be sticking close to the Lord to get me through this pain I’m experiencing right now. I will be writing down my feelings and feeling them no matter how much they hurt.
If you are caught in addiction reach out to those you trust. Be open and honest about what is happening and for me it helps to reach out to those who understand. I’m here for you. Shine your addiction in the Light so that it no longer sits in darkness. Light is freedom and darkness just keeps you more in bondage.