I never want to forget where I was to where I am now in my life. Sexual addiction is an addiction that is crippling. I want others to know that are caught in this addiction that there is freedom from it. I was caught up in this addiction for a long time. I never thought I’d ever be free of it. For me sexual addiction came out of many things in my life the first one being sexual abuse at a young age. Then many other factors of abuse, abandoned and rejection.
This addiction is an intimacy disorder meaning we have had issues and problems in our lives and not having proper attachments to people. These come in the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of a nurturing caregiver. Addiction is a way for us /me to cope with stresses and emotions. Addictive behaviours means we don’t reach out to others for comfort or support. With this intimacy disorder we are afraid of intimacy. We worry about abandonment and fear of rejection.
My intimacy disorder was rooted in how I grew up as a child with severe abuse and neglect I also lived with rejection and abandonment often. No wonder I developed this addiction. I had no love, and the people who were supposed to take care of me treated me so badly. I grew up in fear and trusted hardly anyone in my life. That’s still hard for me to write.
I’m now two and a half years free of this addiction and I’ve dealt with the roots of this intimacy disorder. Forgiveness was huge in my recovery. I didn’t forgive them so the people who hurt me got away with what they did, but I forgave them so that I was no longer giving them power for me to act out. I pray for them occasionally but it freed up my heart so that I no longer hated them.
I didn’t want to be tied to this intimate disorder forever so my first step to break free was surrender. I am powerless over this addiction and my life has become unmanageable. I had to fully surrender this to God. I couldn’t be sitting on the fence with this one I’m either all in or out. Fully surrendering it was hard. This is an addiction you can hide. It can be kept hidden in the dark but God wants it brought into the light. When brought into the light it loses that power. Letting someone know someone you trust.
If you or anyone else is struggling with addiction. Don’t do this journey on your own. It’s a very lonely journey. It causes so much shame and guilt and it keeps you trapped in this road of hell. Reach out to someone you trust. My biggest fear was people would reject me or think I was a horrible person. Women are getting addicted more and more and now that we understand it being an intimacy disorder we can educate others. Bring your addiction out into the light. God is light, he’s also love, compassion, and so many other good things. He wants a relationship with all of us. Reach out to Him today.