New year in Ireland 🇮🇪

As a year would come to an end I hoped each year that the next would be better than the year before. Something had to give. Unfortunately I spent 12 years trapped in that hell. That’s a long time to wish something different would happen. Year after year just got blended into one after the other. There are so many years I have no idea what happened. Trauma will do that to you. You just go into survival mode.

I did know I had a mom somewhere in Canada that’s all I knew. My dad would sit me in his knee when I was younger and tell me he took my brother and I to give us a better life. He told me my mom was unstable but having no idea what that meant. I know know what was a bunch of lies and really you took us to gone is a better life is totally crap. This is a better life. You put us both through hell. My mom was not unstable that was a lie to protect yourself. It’s amazing what people will say to protect themselves. I also know that my dad didn’t think what he did was wrong. Kidnapping is not wrong. Makes him look massively unstable. You do not treat any children like how we were treated.

I used to dream that my mom would come find me or I would find her and we would live happily ever after. That did not happen for 12 years but that’s jumping ahead in the story so we will come back to that. One year when my brother was 16 and I was 11 there was a knock at our door and I opened it and there was two police officers standing at the door with a bag filled with clothes and blood. They asked to talk to my parents. I couldn’t hear the conversation but I knew something bad was happening. We were asked to stay at home my sister and I and look after the younger siblings. My step mom and dad left in a huge hurry. That bag was left on the counter and my sister and I looked inside there was a school uniform and one shoe.

I knew it was brothers without been told. I burst into tears and cried a lot. When my step mom and dad came home they were very quiet. I then was told my brother had been in a accident and that a car had hit him. It went through a red light when he was running across the road to catch the bus. He was in intensive care and may not make it. I was stunned and in shock. I remember praying for him and asking God to please not take my brother. He was the only saving grace I had in my family. As I write this tears stream down my face as I still remember those feelings.

My brother was in intensive care for three weeks and he had two broken wrists, arms, a broken leg and many broken ribs. I was finally able to go to the hospital and see him. He was so banged up. I remember feeling so scared but glad that he would be ok. Thank you God for answering my prayers. My brother finally came home and the whole time he was in the hospital my stepmom and dad were very nice to me. I think it scared them that they could have lost him. He came home to recover and my step mom and dad treated him like a king. Slowly they started to treat me like crap again. I would imagine what would happen to me if I got run over by a bus, a train or if I got hit by a car. Would my life be better. What a horrific thing for a child to think so that they would be treated better.

My brother had to have emergency surgery because both of his wrists arms were shattered in the accident. He had tried to stop the accident by putting out his hands. To this day he can’t turn his wrists because of how badly they were damaged. He ended up getting a settlement from the case because witnesses attested that the driver had run a red light and hit my brother. What a year that was. Thank you Lord for saving my brother. After he recovered he graduated at 16 and moved out of the house. That was so hard on me because I hardly saw him and then I felt so alone……