Author: walking in freedom

Today I went on my dad’s favorite walk down to the beach. I remembered every part of that walk as I’ve walked out many times with him. The only thing that was different was some of the last times we went they were building a new house and today I saw it has been built. It’s actually a very cute home. I passed the home that has the fancy cars in it and my dad would always tell me yup they got money to burn. When I got down to the beach I sat down at a picnic bench that was in the sun. When my dad would get tired we would sit on the bench on the other side and watch the people. Today there was tons of dogs. He would have loved watching them play.

It was such an amazing day when though the wind was cool, the sun beat down on my face. The cool air with the sun was refreshing. I walked down the beach not the side we usually walked but the other side and I sat on a log until I felt chilly. I found a rock one of dozen ones I have at home that he loved to pick up for me. In the silence I could hear the conversations we’d have. He knew that beach so well. How many times had he walked it with his loved ones or with people that came to keep him company during the week.

It was such a clear day that not only could I see Mt. Baker but also the  Olympic mountains. I’ve not seen both sets in a long time. Way off in the distance was a sailboat. The ducks were enjoying the sun as well. It was a glorious day. It was so peaceful that I felt so close to my dad. I loved being in his favorite place. Made me feel close to him. What a glorious day even though it was a bit chilly out of the sun.

As I sat on the picnic bench in the sun listening to the birds sing, dogs barking in the distance and a flag nearby flapping in the wind. There is something about this beach. The picnic table had a plaque on it. The plaque was about another person who loved this beach as well and the table was dedicated to their mom. A place where her family could still meet. I think of how many people have come and sat and enjoyed this part of the beach on Agate Lane.

The peace I felt in my soul was amazing. I could feel my dad all around me. I wanted to stay forever. I will definitely go back and walk more and go down the other end of the beach. For today I just went as far as I could. I miss walking, talking and laughing with my dad. I hope that’s he’s walking along the beach in heaven with his mom and dad and others who knew him.

I found a piece of driftwood and a rock the kind he often picked up for me to put in my pocket. I have a bowl outside my door of all the rocks he’s given me in all the years. It was good to go back to the place he loved with all of his heart. I’ve not gone back since he passed away. Until the next time I go. 🐚

I know Grief is part of living but it’s a part of life that I hate. I hate losing people that I love and not being able to see them. When you first lose someone they are on your mind lots. I realized when I’m busy at work and come home I’m too tired to think much about it. As soon as my body slows down then the grief creeps back in. It’s real and it’s raw. I miss my dad’s hugs and his stories and his smile. He was full of wisdom that I hear in my mind when I think of different things.

Then I feel angry that he had to have dementia and we had to watch him slip away with not remembering or getting stuck in things. Dementia is horrible no matter who it happens to. My dad has vascular dementia and he had it for 5 years. I still think of the times we spent together when my mom needed a weekend away. Even though sometimes they were hard they were some amazing times that we spent just the two of us.

As I said before my step dad was my real dad in my life. He stepped into a role of fatherhood when my brother and I came to live with him and my mom. Things were not always easy but he was always there no matter what. He was someone I could go to and talk to him about anything.

My dad loved the beach and it was his happy place. If he would get agitated we would head to the beach. In the summer we would watch the kids playing. My dad often wandered over to them and chat. He loved watching all the people, especially the dogs. We would walk for hours and sometimes would just sit on a log and watch the whole world go by. He would pick up rocks and shells. Many of them I have in a bowl outside of my house.

I have a friend who makes pieces of driftwood with sea glass on it with shells and I’m going to buy one as a reminder of my dad and the love for the beach. In his younger days he would swim for long periods in the ocean. He loved swimming. When he owned his own boat be would swim off it. He loved doing that.

All I have now is my memories of him. It’s been a long month since he passed away. He’s missed massively by all who knew him, especially me. ❤️

7 years ago I started this journey of blogging. It started out with me wanting to share about simple things in my life. I had no idea that in 7 years that I would have so many followers and that people wanted to read what I write. My whole life I wrote things in my journal. I had books and books of things I’d written over the years.

It was a wise woman that I know who was my first subscriber and today I shared with her how many people have viewed my blog and she told me that she believed in me. In fact she’s believed in me when even my own family didn’t and I didn’t believe in myself. My family told me that I shouldn’t be writing such things and that I should only write in my journal.

In this simple writing I wrote about my life caught in addiction and how it seemed like I would never be free. I wrote about the root to my addiction was unforgivess in my heart and how God transformed me. All those chains were broken.

This past year I completed my memoirs on my blog. For years and years I imagined writing them for people to read. I decided to do it in my blog. That was the most freeing piece of writing I’ve ever done. It was hard to write but it came with much healing. Thank you to those who read it. I know it was not easy to read but what God has done in my life is amazing.

I was able to write about the journey of my dad in dementia and how each moment with him was something I would never change. I have learned a lot in my writings and I hope that this year I can continue to share what is laid on my heart to write. Again I’m so grateful for this platform to write. I never imagined people would read what I wrote. It’s very humbling.

So if you want to do something in your life but your scared to do it. Take a risk and do it. If I never took this risk I would never have had so much healing in my writings. 😊

Reflecting back on 2024 it was a good year. It was a year of building relationships.  Even though my dad passed away I love that he’s in heaven. I spent more time with my family as they needed me. That is time that I can’t get back so for that I’m grateful. It was hard to watch my dad decline everytime I went to visit him but I got to spend time with him. My mom struggled with her own health issues as well. My relationship with my brother is better for that I’m grateful for.

I got to hang out with some of my favorite people and laugh. I went on some adventures with friends and got to do my annual Parkville Coombs trip. That was the trip that we always did with our friend Wendy. She’s missed everytime we go but I feel her with us.

I went away with two of my friends from school and that was the first time we went away and it was good and successful. I love those two and they have become great friends. We rented a townhouse right near the ocean and we got to explore Parkville.

I have a small business and I got to share and help others with drug free products. I will write more about it in another blog. I’ve watched people’s lives change because of the products. I learned a lot of amazing things and have the best team. With a world full of pushing drugs and medications, I love that we have drug free products that work. I look forward to learning more and helping others around me. It’s become my new passion.

I got to spend lots of time with the boy that I do respite care with. He’s growing up. This year he will graduate from elementary school. He’s a boy that lights up my heart every time I’m with him. I’ve known him since he was two and a half. We laugh so much. He’s the best medicine for my broken heart this week. I love him and his family. ❤️

I’m still doing what I love at school. I see so many rewards in the time I spend with the children. Ones that you never think will ever trust you, to getting constant hugs whenever they see you. I make a difference everyday in the lives of those children. I’m blessed.

I’m looking forward to new adventures, new people to meet, trips to take and I’m wanting to spend more time with Gratitude with God. I want to spend less time on my phone and more time getting to know Him. Those are my words for 2025. There’s so much to be thankful for. ❤️

Thank you to all those who read my blogs and for this community. I’m blessed to be part of it. I want to write more this year.

Do you have a word or words you use for 2025 or do you make New years resolutions? Whatever you do this year do it with all of your heart and be thankful for what you have as life is short.

As I sit today and reflect as this year is coming to a close. What is the greatest gift? For me and for so many others it’s accepting Jesus into your heart. For me it was a month and and half ago when my dad accepted Jesus into his heart. I had prayed for him and my family that’s all I ever want for them to know who Jesus is. When it seems like it would never happen as your loved one continues to decline. You pray harder and get all your friends to pray for him as well.

I never gave up hope even though it seemed like it would never happen. One of the hardest things is watching your loved one decline so much you bearly recognize them. They don’t know who you are anymore. That’s hard to watch. You know in your heart this day would come, but you push it aside. That grief process starts before they actually go.

I wondered a lot how my dad would accept Jesus before he died. Would I see him again? We never know even when you don’t recognize your loved ones or where you are anymore, where your heart is. I know now that Jesus didn’t take my dad home until He was ready. For me that was the greatest day for my dad to be found on the floor of his bedroom in the care home, and the caregivers telling my mom that he was praying on his knees. Wow that an amazing picture. I know that’s when Jesus came into his heart. What a glorious day. ❤️

The last day I saw my dad my mom and I went to a Christmas dinner. My dad was asleep the entire time except for about 15 minutes. While we ate I prayed silently for him and when I went to say goodbye, I told him I loved him and that I would see him again. I had no idea that would be the last time I saw him. Next time I see him it will be in heaven. That is the greatest gift I could ever imagine.

Even though I’m grieving him and the loss in my life and it’s a big loss. I’m so happy that he got to meet Jesus and sit with him and they had the biggest party for him in heaven. I often look into the sky knowing he’s looking out over our family. I feel him in my heart everyday.

I can’t imagine not knowing Jesus my whole life and waiting until it’s almost time to go. The best part of my life is having a relationship with Him. Spreading His good news and living the life that Jesus wants for me. I have Hope through my tears. I have gratitude for all that He’s done for me for all the years of my life. I have comfort, joy, love, unbelievable peace, humbleness, strength and so many more things. I have passion that Jesus has put into my heart for things that He wants me to fight for. Yes I can’t imagine my life without Jesus. To me that is the greatest gift….

This morning I sat in the middle of the cemetery where all the people have been creamated. Up above my dad was being cremated. I did not want to watch that so I left and walked down the stairs and sat on a bench. In front of me were names of people I don’t know. I sat and wondered who those people were and how they lived their lives. I watched the birds hopping from branch to branch and singing their songs. To my left was the road that led up to the cemetery where my father and law and Larry’s brother in law are. In front of me were massive trees and a pond.

The last time I was there I had walked that area with my dad,when his dad was getting cremated. The pond reminded me of the pond that was close to the townhouse where my mom and dad used to live. The silence was almost defeating. My heart was at peace. I prayed for my mom, my brother and my sister in law. I was reminded that my dad was in heaven and that was just his earthly body.

My dad was an amazing man. He was kind and he had the greatest stories. He loved life and he lived it to the fullest with my mom. He loved adventures, traveling to different countries. He loved the ocean so much that he owned 3 boats and often could be found swimming in the coves. He loved to swim. He loved to laugh and had such a great sense of humor. I could listen to hours about his stories of places he worked and going to school in Denver, Colorado.

Working in his dad’s restaurant growing up in Winnipeg. He had a fantastic relationship with his dad. His mom died at a young age but he loved Mollie. She was an amazing woman. He met my mom in Toronto, Canada and they moved out to the West Coast that was there home for 46 years.

My dad was a very hard worker and he loved his job until he retired from it. He taught me so many lessons of  things I still do to this day. He helped me succeed in my studies and helped me write many English essays. He helped me do what I loved in my life and stood by me when things were really hard for me. He believed in me. He protected me like a dad should. He loved me and adopted my brother and I into his life.

I love the legacy he has left behind. Many who knew him loved him. I have so many memories of him. I miss him everyday but the best thing of all is I get to see him again in heaven. That’s the greatest thing out of all of this. Now he can run again and walk on the beaches and do all the things he loves in heaven. Heaven had a huge party when he came up there and everytime I see cool Clouds like this morning they were rays coming through the sky. I know he’s watching out over us. Until we meet again. I love you. ❤️