Beauty from Ashes.

One of the hardest things for me to do is wait, especially when things are totally out of your control. Every year at the end of June I get laid off from my job for the summer. On the last day of my job, I always apply for  Employment insurance. This year was the same as every other year. Usually it’s within a couple of weeks. They review your application and then you wait for them to decide.

I find it crazy because I pay into this every year and EI gives you a portion of your wages. They expect you to be out looking for work. So unless you get a summer job, nobody is hiring you for two months in a full time job. In September my job is waiting for me. It’s a two month gap.

This year I’ve waited over the 28 day period by 4 days. It says my claim is under review. So I have $29 in my bank account and rent is due tomorrow. I’ve never not paid my rent. How far are you getting on $29 for food?

I know what it’s like but to have food. I know full well as a child and you would think as an adult that you were never put in that situation. Today I reached out to the ministry to see what they can do.

They told me that unless all my resources are tapped out I can’t apply. So I’m getting money through EI eventually but because it’s late it’s still a resource available to me. How is that fair. I could do an application but whatever that could give me EI will take the money that they give me. I can’t get money from any other source because that’s considered income even though I’m not earning it in a job.

So there is definitely a disconnect in our system. How can that even be possible. So I decided to keep pursuing the EI thing. Do my reports and wait.

I called EI again today and talked to another women who told me that I haven’t gotten EI because my case worker needed to know that I’m actively looking for work. I told her that I can called the ministry because I needed emergency money.

My case worker did call me but I didn’t realize that my phone had blocked unknown calls so my phone never rang and it went straight to voicemail. Figures. She said she’d call tomorrow. I called her back on her voicemail to apologize for missing her call.

Maybe she called because it’s not good if your client is calling the ministry needing emergency money. I think to myself how many other people do through this every summer.

So today I applied for two jobs and will tell my case worker that tomorrow. The other crazy thing is my case worker gave me her phone number but it always says she’s unavailable. No way to reach her.

I’m sorry that system is appalling. How is that justice especially when I pay until this service every year. Hopefully I can talk to her tomorrow. If I had a car I would be driving down to the office. Guess that will be my option next week.

So hard to be patient for something so out of your control. Not sure what I’m being taught here other then causing me extreme stress. It’s not been a fun week.

Wow life just never seems to slow down. In the beginning of June the transmission on my vehicle packed it in. I spent two weeks getting the bus and cabs. Boy how much I took for granted having a car when you don’t have one. Then I was recommended a guy who sells used cars. He has many positive reviews. He helped me find a car. I took it in to get inspected and it came back good. I then brought it.

Shortly after buying it I noticed it started running rougher and rougher and I was losing oil. A lot of oil. I took it back to my mechanic and in fact it had an major oil leak. The guy I brought it from told me if I was not happy with the car I could return it.

My gut told me that something was up with this guy. He even had the gall to tell me that I couldn’t read the dip stick right. The car had zero problems. Every two days something else was up with this car. Before I got my money back he sat and lecturered me about this car. That my mechanic had told me the wrong thing. I told him that was the only gauge I had was what my mechanic told me.

He decided he didn’t want to do business me anymore. That’s ok he’d told me so many things that I questioned. I’m wondering if I had gone with a guy he would never have treated this way. He told me that my standards were too high so I would never find a vehicle in this city. Thank goodness I got my money back. I left.

Since then I’ve had two more cars pre inspected and both came back with two many things to fix and the last one needed a new head gasket with oil leaking. I was discouraged. I realized that while I’m getting all these cars pre inspected none of the guys wanted to hear what the mechanics are saying. They all turned around and sold the vehicles to others. Wow no mention of the oil leaks or needing a rebuild.

I decided that everything that people are selling on the island is over priced and selling their junk. The dishonesty is crazy. I’m now looking for a vehicle on the mainland and have by brother helping me.

I find it crazy in this day and age that guys still figure that as women we knew nothing about cars. I may not know a lot but I’m not an idiot. To be told that I can’t read a dip stick wow that’s so bad. This guy claims to be a Christian and told me he’d pray for me. He also was angry with me for returning the car. How is this professional?

There is a car out there for me that will be so much better then what I was looking at. 🚗

Have you ever wondered how your life would turn out? When I wasyounger I always dreamed of a better life. We all want out lives to be happy and be married to your best friend, we want to be thinner, we want to have kids and live the best life ever.

What does that life actually look like? Those were all the things that I wanted in life or do I thought. What happens if you found a different path where you are really happy now and it’s got nothing to do with these things. What is happiness and how do we want to live our lives? I thought happiness was all those things. After being married for 19 years that was not the happiness that lasted.

A year ago I was the sickest I’ve ever been. I was told that if I continued the way I was going that I was headed for stroke and heart attack. I had fatty liver and type 2  diabetes was around the corner. I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. Lost weight, gained it back, lost it again and gained back even more.

I’ve chased all the diets, counted all the calories, half starved myself to just find myself filled with shame and guilt. Every time I stepped on the scale I would cringe and how had I lost no weight when I had followed the last diet to the tee. I felt like a failure. I couldn’t even get this right. I hated myself and avoided mirrors. I would take clothes home when I went shopping and try them on to avoid the all around mirrors. Who wants to look at yourself from all sides?

I had so much metabolic disease in my body. My body was breaking down slowly. I knew something needed to change but how do you change when nobody is teaching what you need. I had joined a gut health group and learned a lot about balancing your blood sugars. I found another community that talked about not only balancing your blood sugars but a healthy way to eat. I tried to learn as much as I could.

At the end of April I listened to a 3 day webinar about how to change your life and every single thing in that webinar that was me. That was my life. I heard about hope really this sounded too good to be true. At the end of the webinar you could apply for a scholarship. I wanted this whatever these people had. I shared my story of where I had been to where I was 3 months ago.

I got the call that I was the winner. What I decided that I had been given the greatest gift so I committed to myself that no matter how hard it was I was going to do whatever I needed to be successful. I showed up everyday no matter what was happening in my life. I learned why I did the things I did and got to the root of the issues.

The biggest thing was I am in control of my life. I can control what I say, think or do. I can’t control what others do think or say. Those things are not in my control. What others thought used to derail me they don’t anymore. I’ve learned so many tools and when life shows up I don’t rush out to eat junk food. I can stop and think how I can deal with the situation without reacting.

I threw out my scale the first week and that was the best freedom ever. I see so many non scale victories. I feel amazing with tons of energy. I have lost 5 inches off my stomach and my clothes are baggy. I love me for who I am for the first time in my life.

I’m happy so happy with my life. I’m STRONG, FUELED AND FREE. I know how to straighten my crown in all situations. I have that inner peace that I so wanted in my life. I feel so much gratitude everyday and I feel so grounded where I want to be everyday. Wow this happiness is empowering. I have found my true purpose in life.

So yes my happiness came in a way that I never expected and I have balanced my blood sugars and my hormones. I don’t sick hardly anymore. So I’ve just finished my trifecta with my coaches, and now I get to practice all the things I’ve learned. I get to continue living this amazing life. Happiness comes in a way that you don’t expect, so next time you think you want something a certain way. Maybe it will come in a way that you least expect.

Thsnks for reading. ❤️

Wow my heart is really full these days. So much to be grateful for. Two and a half years ago after my dad died, I was so sad it was so hard. I decided to start a gratitude routine with myself everyday. Gradually it changed my mindset. I still felt sad but it changed me inside.

No matter what is happening in your life there is always room for gratitude. I have continued it and now I do a morning time. I pray and ground myself for the day. I time block my day what am I going to accomplish today. It’s very small but that all adds up. I love the 1% philosophy because everyone can attain 1% more each day.

3 weeks ago the transmission blew on my car and I was left wondering how I was getting from place to place. I called my mom when I was sitting for the tow truck. I had no idea then, that would be the last time I would drive my car again. My mom told me that I needed a car and that she would help me get another one. Wow that was not what I expected at all. I had a budget and started looking for cars.

So many of them had high mileage and high prices. I started praying about it and found a guy who sells used vehicles. He was highly recommended to me. I wrote to him and told him what I’m looking for and he was just getting in a car that fit my budget. It was a Toyota which have amazing reputations.

I’ve had my car a week and I’m getting used to it as it’s much smaller then my other vehicle. It’s a zippy car. I never noticed how many cars are in the road now I’m driving one. I’m so grateful and blessed to have this amazing little car and it’s phenomenal on gas.

I love how God provides right when you need it. I’m so grateful to my mom for helping me. ❤️

On the last day of school I was given a lot of gifts and cards with really nice things inside about me helping the children. Every morning we go out and say good morning to the children in our class. I arrived outside and one of the boys handed me this tiny flower. I asked him did he make this he said yes. It made me smile and I put it in my pocket.

I went about my day not thinking anything about the flower until I was at home and put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the flower. I reflected on the boy who made it. He was a boy who was very sweet but had high needs and sometimes drove me bonkers. He needed so much. He would often tell me how much he loved me and make me pictures. I would bring them home and put them up on my fridge and take photos of them to show him. He loved that.

He often asked to hug me and I’d give him a great big bear hug. He had an amazing mind and he often asked me to sit with him while he worked. He’d sit beside me as much as possible. His hands often were on other children and he didn’t know his own strength. We worked hard on that.

For him to make all those flowers for us all was amazing and I realized that this small token of his love was the biggest and best gift I recieved. It was the gift of love. ❤️

I love how much I’m learning and growing in my disruptive nutrition program. I’ve been in it almost a month and a half now. It’s like night and day now since I started. The biggest thing I have learned is how to love myself. I was the person who hated shopping because of all the mirrors in the change rooms. Why on earth do you need 6 mirrors in your Change room? So that you can see your body from all sides. It was hard enough seeing the front side. I always left feeling horrible. I then would take clothes home and bring them back, if they didn’t fit.

Carrie Lupoli is a nutritionist and a behavioural specialist. I often hear her say “You know what to do but you don’t do it”. This can be for anything in your life. Exercise you know that it will keep you healthy but you start it and then you give up when it’s hard. You know eating cleaner will help you feel better but you never stick to it. You know if you budget better each money your money problems will go away, but no matter how hard you keep all the receipts and write everything down. It doesn’t get better, it seems worse then ever. Why?

If you lower your stresses then you will be happier, because you know that stress is a killer. You do all the breathing, walking , listen to music, journal and pray etc but you still feel stressed. Why?

I never knew why none of these things ever worked. It wasn’t from lack of trying. I would feel so frustrated. It’s like the hamster on the same wheel but a different day.

When I joined Disruptive Nutrition (DN) I realized that I couldn’t figure out these things because I needed systems to help me. Systems are goals you have for different areas of your life. Then breaking down the goals into smaller more manageable goals to help in areas of your life. It’s the 1% progress everyday.

Without knowing how systems work is why I was never successful with different areas in my life. Small consistent things everyday build into how to build your life successfully.

One of my biggest things is my budget. I have a budget and a credit counsellor who gave me a budget sheet and checks in every two months or so. I really tried to follow his sheet, did all the things he suggested and slowly as the weeks went by went back into chaos. I’m so tired of feeling stressed about money. Do I have enough well I make it from pay cheque to pay cheque? Will I have another surprise this month. It’s never ending.

Monday I have a call with budgetbesties and my birthday is coming up. My gift to myself with my birthday money is to take their budgeting course. It’s run very similar to Dave Ramsey’s program. I will keep you updated on how it goes.

I love that I can learn how to put all my systems together so that life can run smoothly 1% progress. 1% is attainable. I’m learning how to make those decisions in my life that I need to better myself. I’m loving the results and I feel amazing. I can stand and look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the person I see. I’m learning how amazing gratitude is every day and for the first time in a long time I feel happier and more content.❤️

Hero was a horse who was supposed to die. He was taken up into the high desert and shot twice in the head. Instead of dying he wandered around with a lead rope on and who knows how long it took, he stumbled into a workers Camp.

The workers called the authorities who took Hero to the vet. He had lost so much blood. The vets worked on him and had to remove one of his eyes. My friend Kim Meeder her and her husband Troy run a ranch that rescues horses. Kim was told about this horse and was asked if he survives could be come to the ranch.

Not only did Hero live he became a true Hero to so many people and children who visited the ranch. It’s hard to imagine that he had two eyes before because Hero ran like the wind and he became the protector of the other horses at the ranch.

I had the amazing privilege of getting to know Hero everytime I went to the ranch. The first time I met Hero was 15 years ago. I was at an information clinic. I was handed his reigns while my friend Kim was talking to someone. Hero kept trying to follow her.

His story touched me in so many ways. After that when I would come to the ranch he would follow me up the hill to the ranch. He was such a magnificent horse. His story always inspired me. He should have died from being shot twice but it made him get up and go for help. His preservance showed, his entire life. People all around grew to love Hero who he was. The ranch chose his name. Every horse gets a new name when they come here.

I last saw Hero 7 years ago and I was out in the field where he was helping feed the horses. Thank you Hero for helping me see what no matter where you have been you can survive anything.

https://youtu.be/V7LSfahFF8c?si=p6W76djsWfIkRCf7

Here is the video of Hero if you want to see why I loved this horse so much. The person who shot him twice was also found and prosecuted for what he had done. You left an Amazing legacy Hero. I can picture you running free in heaven. 🐴

For so long I had no idea how to end my memoirs. It seemed like their were more pieces to the puzzle but I had no idea what they were. I now see God using me in different areas of my life to come to where I am today. His plans for me are just the way He planned it. Today I heard that it’s easier for someone else to see where you are in life. It’s harder for me when we are right in the middle of it.

I’m just at the end of my week 3 with my nutrition program. I feel amazing. I eat every 3 hours  protein,  fat and  carbs. I love how simple it is to eat. I quickly realized that it’s not just about food. Food is a very small part of my program.

There are 6 spinning plates that need to balanced. Nutrition, sleep, stress, hydration, exercise and supplementation. I’m learning the root of why I ate the way I did and how I had a really unhealthy relationship with food at an early age. How I used food as a way to soothe my emotions.

I realized today that I went from one addiction to the next one and without knowing the root cause I replaced two other addictions with food. I no longer struggle with the other two but food became a comfort for me. It’s spun my life out of control and I had no idea how to stop doing the same things over and over again. Jumping from one diet to the next messes up your thinking.

I hated going to weight watchers to step on a scale in front of a staff member who would critique how you were doing. I started coming in later but they would catch you at the end. I felt so much shame and a failure and it made me want to eat more. I watched the faces of the people who came every week. I was not the only person. I was so glad when we switched to online.

I stopped going when my membership ran out mid January. I then wondered how was I going to do this alone. I met an amazing woman who is a coach for PFC3. She gave me tips and different things and then I won my scholarship.

I started to unlearn all the things I had been taught in all the diets I’ve done. I have learned why I did and do the things I do. I have 3 amazing coaches who help me and challenge me in my thinking.

Slowly and steady I see so much progress. My biggest thing I see is my joints don’t hurt hardly at all. That’s massive for me. I sleep well and have tons of energy all day long. I had tears of joy this morning because I’ve never felt like this before. My mindset is amazing and I love learning all I am. I love that this is my new for the rest of my life. I never want to go back to where I was.

What I love about this program is nobody is teaching this. Who knew that balancing your blood sugars and your hormones grounded your entire body? Putting your body into homeostasis which means balance would make you feel so good. I feel like I won the lottery. So as I continue my journey of wellness the puzzle slowly gets completed. 🧩

Standing up for myself seems like something that I have to do often in life. Not sure why People think they can treat me in ways that are just not ok. It’s often hard when your family is involved. I’ve stood up and set boundaries with them before and wow they didn’t like that. I find it really hard to watch people in my family treating other people with disrespect.

It does not help at all when the family member encourages their son to continue to be disrespectful. How is that individual supposed to learn that what they are doing is NOT ok.

I’m tired of it all and it does not make the evening enjoyable at all. The only reason I do it is to support my mom. She’s not going to be around forever. Last night I had to call out my nephew for being rude and off hand with me. Even being 20 does not give you the right to be so disrespectful. Life does not just revolve around you. You have a lot of growing up to do.

I wish my brother would be his father not be his best friend. I see this behavior because he thinks it’s ok. It hurts my mom and I certainly do not appreciate it at all. I don’t care if we are related or not.

That’s my Sunday rant. It’s just hard to watch this toxic nonsense going on. I want to be around People that build me up and I feel sad that my family think this is ok.

I have lots of positive people in my life and lots of amazing communities that I belong to. I’m blessed for all I have in my life. I have the most amazing friends. I love each and everyone of you.

Life is precious not to be wasted on idle things What are you grateful today?

Wow so much has been going on in the last month. Thought I’d update you. Life is pretty exciting right now. Last month I won a full scholarship to a program called Disruptive Nutrition. It’s a program that teaches you how to live your life without diets and how you balance your entire life. You work on nutrition, sleep, exercise, stress, hydration and supplements. You unlearn what the diet industry has taught you. My scholarship is worth over $9,000 and I have a one on one coach.

I do it all online it’s like talking a course on school. I’m learning so many things about myself especially why I do the things I do. I am learning how to balance my BS. My blood sugar, behavioural science and my belief systems.

The last who runs it her name is Carrie Lupoli and she’s a nutritionist and a behavioural specialist. She’s guided tons woman and her program is very successful. I’m very honoured to be part of it all. I love how simple the eating is. I’m on my second week. First week was my prep week and this week my course begins.

I’m learning lots of amazing things and learning all about myself. Yesterday I got to share some of my story with 1,000 plus woman on a webinar. That was good but I was so nervous. If someone told me that I would be taking about health. I would have laughed at you.

I love the community and so many amazing supportive people.

Last Tuesday I finished a 30 day challenge called Vinia hydration challenge. You excerised each day and had to drink at least 2 litres of water. I don’t think my body has drank that much in a very long time.

I love how this product makes you feel. The man who developed it he lives in Israel and he is such an amazing humble man.

There were 3 big prizes and I won the Canadian prize. I’m always the lone Canadian. I won an Oura health ring. That was a huge massive surprise for always showing up.

Thought I needed to update my life it’s been such an amazing blessing and I’m part of so many great communities.❤️