Beauty from Ashes.

I love how God answers prayers. You may never know how He does it or when. This is such an amazing story I wanted to share it with you all. Some of you have heard this story before and I’ve written about it. For those of you that haven’t this story blesses my heart beyond belief.

I used to want children when I was younger and I never had any. I had three step children who I knew when they were younger. Even though I never had children of my own God always blessed me with so many children I got to be with everyday in daycare or school. I’ve got friends whose children have meant the world to me. There’s no shortage of children. 6 years ago a little boy and his dad and his grandparents came into my life. I had no idea what this child and his family would change my life.

I always tell people that this boy is like the child I never had. He lights up my life and I’ve watched him grow into who he is today. For two and a half years I helped him with so many things he needed to learn in his life. He had a very unfortunate accident when he was 7 months old that left him with brain damage but he was not supposed to survive and not only did he but he beat the odds of his accident.

Learning has always been tougher for him but there’s nothing that he can’t do. He was told he would never be able to do many of the things that he can do today and he never talked for a long time and now talks and sings all the time. His laugh brightens up any room. When I first met him and his dad I started praying for them. His dad sent me a video of him when he learned how to say my name for the first time. About a year and a half ago his dad and him started going to church and today while he was coloring he put on a church service from his church he goes to now. He was singing the worship songs.

I love how much he loves hockey watching it on tv and going to the Harbour Cats. He watches basketball with his papa and baseball. He has learned how to ride a bike, learned how to swim and today I watched him scooter fast. He’s a typical 8 year old boy. I’m so glad that he beat the odds and he’s a miracle. I love that he loves God and talks about it to everyone he meets. God is good. From the first day I met him I see perseverance in everything he does. I would always tell him it’s hard at the beginning but the more you do it the easier it becomes. He’s proof of that. ❤️

I was never good at setting boundaries with anyone. I used to be a people pleaser and hated confrontation. Since my marriage broke up and I got out of that environment I’ve learned how to speak out for what I want in my life. I loved that yesterday was international women’s day because I want to reconize all the woman who have been through tough times and gotten through it and are survivors and for those who speak out against things that are not ok. I started my blog 6 years ago to give all people not just woman but men as well who have been through tough times to give everyone hope that you can overcome no matter what you have been through. I started my blog as a way to process things in my life and God has used it to help so many people. I love that. I wanted to give back to those who gave me so much in my life and still continue to today. Thank you.

This week I had to end a friendship which I had set up clear boundaries on because this person was married and he needed to know where I stood. He was an old neighbour who helped me out with things I needed around my house and with my dog occasionally. He’s an older man and so he’s helped me so much in my life. A couple of weeks ago he crossed that line with me and so I ended the friendship. He wanted to know why I had ended it so I told him and he threw my past back at me saying that because I was abused as a child that was why I had made this up and then continued with telling me it’s my PTSD and that he never did anything. Still telling me I’ve made this up and that I have problems. Yes I do have a problem with this whole thing. I realized that’s what abusers try to tell people that they violate them. Throw out back in their court and blame them. I’m the past I would have taken this as I did something wrong. I realized how many people go through this everyday and think this would be their fault.

I used to feel powerless unable to speak up or out about what has happened. I’m proud of myself for being able to stand on the truth and call him out on what he did to me. I stood my ground and someone told me how many people in adultery admit that they did something they should not be doing. No many. I was very strong in those boundaries. I’m so glad I ended this relationship. I’ve set many boundaries and most people don’t like when you stand on somthing you believe strongly on.

I heard a great podcast today about boundaries and how if people don’t want to change you can protect yourself with putting an invisible boundary around you so that the person is not allowed to get in close to hurt you. I think this is good especially for your family. This helps me a lot when a family member comes at me with things. It’s harder to stand and not have those emotions but that boundary will help you.

So even though boundaries are super hard for so many. It makes me feel empowered to be able to stand up and say no this is not ok and In this case walk away. I feel lighter, peace and knowing that I’m ok In all of this. 🙂

I love how God blesses you with things that you can never imagine. Back in November I got into this home decor business. I felt that I was supposed to do it and that it would be a comfort to me and bring joy into my life. My words this year are Joy and peace. I knew nothing about this company but I loved watching videos on how to create things with the products. Without even trying them I signed up to be a designer. After I signed up I realized what an amazing company it is and that they have teamed up with an organization called Watts of Love.

Watts of Love

WE SEE SOLAR LIGHTING AS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TOOLS AVAILABLE TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF POVERTY.

Light gives hope, creates opportunity, and increases safety.

As a secular nonprofit, Watts of Love believes that everyone has equal value, and everyone deserves an opportunity. Watts of Love believes that light shines equally on all. We meet people exactly where they are in life and serve any and all that are in need.

Watts of Love intentionally seeks out the most vulnerable people in the developing world, who live without access to electrical light. We target the “last-mile” communities in greatest need of assistance. Often, these “hidden poor” live in garbage dumps, remote mountains, small islands, urban slums, and leper colonies. 

Not only do we focus on the hidden poor, but we invest in women. Women really hold the key to the finances of the home, and statistically, when women work, they invest 90 percent of their income back into their families, compared with 35 percent for men [Clinton Global Initiative: Empowering Girls and Women].

Watts of Love is unique and innovative. We have a very intentionally designed program where we do not just hand out lights—we invest in educating and empowering our recipients so there is an immediate, tangible impact from DAY One.

I love what this organization stands for so it’s giving back to others. Chalk Couture has teamed up with them so you can donate or round up your orders to support them. Not only do I love doing the art projects but I have found it an outlet for my grief. I find it peaceful and relaxing and am able to create beautiful things. In the past I would have used addiction to numb my pain. Eating away my sorrows but instead I’m able to do this. I’ve also met some amazing designers who I learn from each day.

A couple of weeks ago my grief shifted and I felt a veil being lifted off me. Then I felt God telling me that I can go to Bend, Oregon this summer. So I’m going to my most favorite place in the world this summer. I can’t wait to see all my friends again. This is my home away from home. I was last there 4 years ago before Covid hit. Not only do I get to hang out with great friends but I also get to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. I can go volunteer there it’s a place where they rescue horses and team them up with children. I love this place so much. There’s something about this ranch that changes lives and I’ve seen and experienced it. I also get to see my good friends at the ranch. So something else to be excited about and it helps me through my grief.

So no matter what your going through there is always light in the darkness. God brings hope. What hope has he brought you in your life?, If your still in darkness, I pray that you will see His light and promises soon.

https://annvoskamp.com/2023/02/what-happens-when-god-calls-a-woman-to-serve/#readpost

Grief ebbs and flows like one of my friends says. Last Friday we had the Celebration of life for Wendy. It was so beautiful and her two older sisters shared stories about her as a child which most of us never heard of. I loved hearing that her Grandparents lived right beside them and that they prayed for them everyday. I heard about the fun she had with her sisters and her brother and the crazy things Wendy did. She often made decisions about things that we all would take some time thinking about. Wendy would just do it. If it felt right in her heart. Wendy was good at everything she did and it showed with all her passions. Most of us could just do one business Wendy had about 5 she did well. I loved her wisdom about so many things.

Her celebration was beautiful. I know she was looking down from heaven. It was a rainy day all day and during her celebration the sun streamed through the windows of the church. The church was full of people who knew and loved Wendy and were impacted by her in some way. Her daughters got up and spoke about their mom and all the things we have done over the years. So many amazing memories. It was very interesting because her family all knew who I was because Wendy was part of the fantastic four. It was so nice to meet all of them. I’m not sure how the fantastic four will be now but we plan on still going on our road trips and Wendy will still be with us in Spirit.

Next weekend we will celebrate a birthday in our core friends. One I’ve lost my buddy to drive up island with and two not sure how to celebrate this birthday without her. She will be missed. She was always there. Two of friends from the fantastic four will be there so it’s good that we can gather to remember our good friend.

Even though the celebration of life was hard it’s given me the peace I needed to keep moving forward. I’ve been doing lots of art projects and keeping up with my self care. I have realized that when grief comes that I embrace it and not try to avoid it and count all my blessings with my friend. Even though it’s just three of us now the fantastic four will live on. Grief is hard and I have shed so many tears. I have a big hole in my heart it feels like it will never be filled in. Something I’ve been doing is realizing all the blessings that have come out of my life with knowing Wendy. There are so many I can’t even count them. I’m so glad we became friends. I miss her terribly but know that one day I will see her again. For now I need to live my life not taking anything for granted. 🌹🥀🌹

One of my friends told me that grieve is like ebbs and flows. It sometimes hits you when you least expect it. The last couple of days in struggling with sadness. This is the longest I’ve gone with not chatting with Wendy. I find this silence almost unbearable. The day she passed away which was two weeks tomorrow they had a massive party for her in heaven. She no longer suffers and she gets to reunite with all those who were taken too soon. While she was sick her dad had passed away so she would be reunited with him.

Apparently the first year is the hardest because you don’t have your friend with you for coffee’s, lunches, get togethers, traditions. All the things we did together and it was lots. On Friday it is her celebration of life. Her daughters and her family are organizing it. Then it’s so final. It’s going to be hard but one good thing about is all the other people who I’m close to will be there. I hate so much she had to die. I miss my friend everyday. This had been the longest two weeks. I want to hear her voice, hear her laugh, just chat like we did often. They say grief is good but it hurts a lot.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what legacy you leave when you die. Wendy left an amazing one. As I said in my last blog I will take everything she taught me and apply it into my life. I sure do miss her so much. I’m so thankful that I got to meet her and her family. I’m blessed she was a big part of my life.

A friend of mine shared this with me recently.

It’s a concept by Henri Nouwen – one of my their favourite quotes.

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.

I love this beautiful yes Wendy was worth loving all those years. She was the best of the best. Until we meet again my friend.

Today is day two without my best friend. I can’t imagine her not in my life. I first met Wendy at the church I was going to. She had just gotten married. We hung out in the same circles and went to the same Bible study. I was in my early twenties when I met her and from the moment I met her I really liked her. She was funny and had the greatest laugh. She was good at everything she did. I loved her heart and she loved the Lord. I got to know Wendy and her oldest daughter first. My husband and I would go over to their home and play cards and board games. We did that for so many years. I was there for the birth of her second daughter. We went to rabbit shows and she taught me all about breeding rabbits and she was the person I reached out to when I needed rabbit advice. I built a rabbit business with her help.

Wendy had many good friends and we all went camping to Tofino, trips to Jesus Northwest, Oregon, Seattle and our favorite local trip to Parksville and Coombs. I don’t remember how many years the 4 of us did that but we went ever summer. We had a messenger group it was called the Fantastic four. We did everything together. In the earlier days we did Survivor parties, murder mystery nights, dinners and building traditions. Thanksgiving was always our big meal that we did at another friends home. Games nights and Wendy was good she always beat us especially at Dutch Blitz.

Wendy lived life to the fullest even when she got sick. We were all amazed at how how her faith got stronger and stronger and she fought right until the end. She did not let cancer define who she was and like her we all believed that God would heal her. We saw lots of amazing things God did and how He used Wendy in healing and building her faith in others. It was hard to watch her as she got sicker but Wendy had the best outlook on everything. She’s the most positive person when we as her friends struggled.

Wendy loved roses and even got roses to grow that had been thrown out at the store. She took it home and nurtured it and it grew into the most beautiful rose. I think of that as how God sees us. We may think that we have nothing going us and God takes us in and with His love we grow into beautiful people. Not just with people but love works with roses as well. Wendy was proof of that. Wendy made her patio into a sanctuary for her among her roses. It brought her such peace and joy.

This past July we got to go back to Coombs the four of us. Wendy had a hard time but she Managed to get through the day and we had so much fun laughing and hanging out. She told me that she was so glad she went and didn’t let not feeling well stop her from going. She even had an ice-cream because that was what she’d always done when she went there. We took our last photos of the four of us. At Thanksgiving Wendy and I drove up to another friends home and had the best Thanksgiving dinner with so many of our friends and their families. It was such a great evening and Wendy was in such good form. We never knew that, that would be the last time the Fantastic four would be together. We will always be that even though we are missing one.

The craziest thing is the day before Wendy died she was sending us messages trying to organize a ride so she could go back home. Wendy for months on end was so at peace with all that was happening and right until the end she went quickly. I have no idea how to live my life without her because she was part of it all. I’m so glad she’s up in heaven with the Lord. I imagined the trumpets playing and the grand party she got when she entered heaven.

For us down here we will all have to band together. Life will not be the same without her. She was my best friend and I’m so honoured that I got to spend so much time with her and her family. Until we met again girl. I love you ❤️

After living in a tent for 3 months I became so depressed that I didn’t even want to get out of bed. My golden retriever Liberty would curl up with me. She helped me get out of bed each day. I hated living in a tent but we had only enough money for rent at the campsite. I’m so glad my good friend lived beside the campground and I spend all my days with her. I loved hanging out with her and her family. We hung out all the time. I was done living in the tent so my husband sent me back to NC to the place that we had called home for five years. I stayed with some of our good friends. My husband and Liberty stayed behind. Even though I was with my good friends I missed him terribly and my dog. That dog was my life. It was hard living with my friends and on weekends I stayed with other friends which was nice. I got to know a lot of people.

I was lonely so I used addiction as a soothing thing for me and so I didn’t have think about the mess my life was. I started to realize that so much went wrong in my husbands life. It seemed like things would be good and then something always happened and it became bad. I was tired of this. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my family. I was so tired of my life always upside down.

About a month and a half later my husband came to NC with Lib and I was reunited with my dog. My heart soar I loved that dog. She was so happy to see me. I was reunited with my best friend. We found a small apartment to rent that was furnished in a beautiful spot in swannona, NC. The landlady lived down below and she had goats and it was right by the river. A beautiful as spot. At least we were all together again. We continued going to the church that we had gone to before and I settled back into the community.

Things seemed ok for a bit until one day the Preacher of the church showed up on my doorstep really bothered and angry. He couldn’t find our home and finally found it and demanded to see my husband who was at work. I asked him if he wanted to come in he said no he needed to go home but he really needed L to contact him when he got home. When L got home I told him what Pastor Ronald said. L was worried and wondered what he wanted so he headed out to the church.

He came home and looked really pale and after a bit he had told me that one of our good friends Lucas. He had come from Canada to NC with us but we had not seen him in a long time. He had written the pastor a letter telling him all of our things in our life. Everything he told the pastor everything. The pastor had asked him to explain himself and wanted L to come and meet with him and Lucas. L refused to go and told his side of the story.

We were told by the pastor of the church that we were no longer welcome so we were basically kicked out for what someone else had said. We were shocked and a whole bunch of our good friends walked away from us. Ones we had hung out with lots they were like family to us. We were basically shuned. Not all of them did that but my whole world came crashing down again.

I was done and told L that I wanted to go back to Canada and be with my family and if he stayed in NC I was leaving. His dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer and his brother in law had a brain tumor and he was asked to come home and help. We left our home and our friends and drove back to where we lived in Canada. It’s over 4,000 miles and it took a week to get back and we arrived back home. I was so happy to see my family and they had missed me so much.

Bullies come in all different shapes and sizes. They come in all different ages as well. These past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that people who bully others they want control and when they don’t get it, they use every type of meanness to get what they want. I have noticed that they use manipulation, blame, yelling, bossing and whatever else they feel. It’s really interesting I thought I knew this person but realized that when they don’t get their way things can get ugly.

I’ve been standing up for myself with boundaries and ignoring the drama. I’ve had to guard myself because when they become nice they often throw in something that I guess is supposed to make me feel bad but instead I rise against it. This person has no idea that I had a step mother who was brutal with me so she has no idea that I can stand up for what she gives me. I hate that I have to be in this environment but at least I know how to handle what is happening and rise above it.

I’m keeping a diary of what is happening so that if it continues I can speak out against it. It’s amazing how many people feel it’s ok to demand things from people or treat you like crap when they don’t get what they want. That’s what our kindergarten children do. I’m not sure why people think it’s ok to treat others like that. She’s met her match because I don’t put up with it. I would never treat anyone like that. So even though I had a tough childhood I’m so glad I learned how to stand up for myself. I may not have been able to do that as a child, but as an adult I now can stand for what is right. I have zero tolerance for bullying.

My words for 2023 are peace and joy. I find both of these hard to do lately. I’ve not been writing I’ve tried many times but couldn’t get out the words. I believe that both of these words are because of the season I find myself in. One of my best friends has breast cancer and I’m still praying for full healing for her along with my other friends. She went through a rough patch recently but now is feeling better and can go home. I’m struggling with this one. We’ve been friends for about 30 years and she’s one of my core friends.

I feel peace but still struggle with what is happening. At least now she can go home and not have to go to Hospice. Home will be the best medicine. This has really made me think about my life and what I’ve done in my life so far. I love the life that I have. I love my job so much helping kindergarten children is a fun job. I have amazing friends who support and encourage me. I have an amazing church community online and in person and I continue to encourage and give hope to people.

I’ve reflected a lot lately on my life and what and how it’s come about. I guess having a sick friend will do that to you. I try to live life to its fullest and not waste any time on anything. I pulled out the toxic people in my life and that feels good even if it was family. I feel peace about that as well. I see joy in the simple things that I love as well. Sunrises and sunsets. Today driving to my appointments the snow on the snow capped mountains in the distance. Not taking anything in my life for granted.

Do you make New years resolutions or do you do words like I do? I would love to hear them. Thanks for reading 🙂