Beauty from Ashes.

It’s no secret that Wendy my best friend loved roses. In fact everything she touched she was good at. Her passion was growing roses. She had made her patio at her home a santuary where she could sit and rest and enjoy her roses. Before she passed away she had ordered two more rose bushes for her patio. Both of them my friend Deborah had in her garden. Her garden is amazing as well.

After Wendy passed away the roses came in and Deb asked me if I wanted to buy them. I was honoured to get them and found pots in a blue color. Wendy loved all shades of blue. I prayed over them because I wanted them to bloom and look beautiful. I put them in the corner of my patio beside the one Deb got me last year for my birthday. As the weather got warmer they started to grow.

Last Sunday I noticed one of the flowers coming out. It’s that beautiful double colored one above and it has the most wonderful smell from it. Today I went out and its for two more flowers coming out on it and it’s full of buds. The other one does not have the same amount of buds but enough. I’m super excited about this. I know Wendy is looking down from heaven. I know she would be proud.

I made some butterfly stakes 🦋 on mini black boards I found. I guess it’s like a memorial for her. I sure miss her so much. I’m in the fantastic four thread on Facebook and the last few days we’ve been chatting and I still expect Wendy to add to the conversation. I still have a hard time believing she’s gone. There is so much I want to share with her.🦋

I’m so thankful that I get to watch these roses 🌹bloom and help me to remember by friend. Life is precious and like I wrote in my last blog and not to take anything for granted. I love sitting out there in the midst of the roses. It’s become my own paradise. ❤️

I looked after my dad this weekend. Many of you know that he has dementia. It’s hard to watch someone you love decline. When I’m with him I’m reminded how simple things are to him. The children I work with are the same they see things with a different lense. It’s good because it makes me realize and remember that life can be simple. With simplicity it is not complicated.

I took my dad to my favorite road in Victoria. It’s hidden away so most people do not know it’s there. It’s a road I love to drive on. When I’m on it all my worries fade away. I have the great privilege to take my dog to this amazing daycare which is on the same road that I love. The road meananders around and it’s super narrow. It’s a country road and I know every inch of it as I drive it 5x a week. As I round the corner to my left is the sheep with the two Llama’s. The Llama’s often are sitting in the flooded field with their heads held high watching and guarding the sheep. As I round the next corner to the right is a pond that separates two properties. This is the first year I’ve ever seen two sets of geese with their goslings. We pulled the car over to the side of the road and watched mother and father goose with their babies under the tree. They had at least 5 babies. I had not seen the babies for 5 days so they had grown so much.

On the other side of the pond is a hill and the second set of geese with their goslings are there and the babies are running down the hill. It’s fascinating to watch. My dad loves it and is counting them. I’m sure we saw 6 goslings. At the back of the property is a horse stable where children can come and ride and we can see through the trees people on horses in their round pen. As we drive up the road there are horses in the field. My dad is happy.

We drive up the driveway to the daycare and it’s beautiful. Lisa who runs the daycare her and her husband have put in so much work up there. I love the palm trees and all the plants and the flowers up there. Her home is beside the doggie Daycare and she’s got a beautiful natural pool. Her place is a sanctuary. Lisa and her staff run an amazing place. It’s my dogs second home and he’s looked after so well.

It’s amazing that what my dad can’t remember in one minute he could remember for a couple of hours the drive I took him on. I laughed when we got home he said I’ve been out on my two hour tour. He told me thank you for taking me on this special trip. It warmed my heart that I was able to share this special road with him. Everyday I drop my dog off I always drive the long way to school. The road gives me peace and I often see bald eagles and the most wicked sunrises you have ever seen. They blaze across the sky. After being in this road I’m ready to tackle whatever my day looks like. I’m blessed and reminded that things are so simple even through the eyes of a 84 year old.

https://refreshrestyle.com/silk-screen-bicycle-t-shirt

I wanted a to do a business that was fun. I have crafted my whole life doing scrapbooks, stamping, cricut machine and any of the other crafts. My family for generations have all been artists. I often laughed and said I missed the artist gene. I have realized as I get older that I have it as well. Mine comes out in a different way. I love creativity. When I saw this business I signed up without even trying it.

Debbie is amazing an amazing designer I look up to and strive to be successful in this business. I reposted her blog and her video on how simple Chalk Couture is. Even children can do it. I’m proof that doing a single project with 12 kindergarteners works. It wasn’t pretty and they fought and argued but we got it done and they loved it. They often ask me when we will do our next project.

This is the next project I want to do with them. It’s building a birdhouse and putting transfers on with paste. The kit comes with all the pieces. We are learning about Spring and what better way to build our own birdhouse. This surface is reusable which means we can change how it looks.

After my friend Wendy passed away I was so thankful for the opportunity to be able to have this business to occupy my extra time and create beautiful projects. It’s been healing and it helps so much work my grief. I’ve met an amazing people along the way and I can’t wait to do the next projects, events or just doing it with my friends.

I can share occasionally on my blog things one made that bring me great joy. I have made many gifts from the products. A little something to brighten up your day goes a long way. I hope you enjoy Debbie’s blog and her video of how fun and simple this craft is. I know it’s not for everyone but for me it’s simple, relaxing and fun and I’m going to bless one person at a time.

After we moved back into the city and my husband found a place to live. It was tiny but big enough for the two of us and it had a big fenced back garden and it was the across the street from a park. The park even had a baseball park. It was a quiet street but it was our home together for 13 years. Our golden had a great back yard to be in and we had gotten a kitten from the SPCA. Liberty our golden lived there until she died. Liberty and our cat were the best of friends.

One morning I woke up and I knew something was wrong with her. She was haunched up and when I called her she bearly could respond. I called my husband and he came and we realized that she could not get up and walk. He carried her to the car and we drove her to the animal hospital. The day before she was full of beans playing and jumping up on him. She loved to play. Now she was quiet and in pain. I sat with her in the back seat. Telling her I loved her and that she would be ok.

After many tests we heard what nobody wants to hear. She was full of cancer. I was in shock are you sure yes it had spread everywhere. What I could not understand was she never showed us that she was sick. She would sleep a lot but that didn’t mean anything. There was nothing they could do for her. Our only Choice was to have her put down. How do you put down your best friend. Liberty had been with me through everything. I could not have made it through without her. Why was I going to lose her. Didn’t she know I still needed her. The doctors had given her pain medicine and I was allowed to see her. Of course she wanted to get up and see me. One thing that Liberty was incredible about was making sure her pack or others she loved were ok.

The vet brought Liberty into a room and told us we could spend as much time with her as possible. I just hung on to her and sobbed. She sedated but she still could hear us and she licked me. Then we watched while the vet put in the medicine and she passed away peaceful. I was still in shock that we had no idea she would not be going home with us. We drove home in silence. I felt like I could bearly breathe. I curled up into my bed and sobbed. Liberty was my first dog and the adventures we had were awesome.

I got a paw print of her paw and I made a book about our favorite memories. It’s funny I don’t think of that pain anymore but writing this I felt it. She was such an amazing dog and everyone who knew me knew and loved her. I have pictures of her in my home to remember her by.

Liberty was a huge part of my life in the US and she helped me so much when I felt loneliness or when I was sad. We had so many amazing adventures and she travelled all over the USA with us. We have photos of her when we went to all the states. We tied her up to the signs and we got to see so much of the US together her and my husband. It took me 5 years to come back to Canada and she died when she was just 9 years old.

We waited two years before we added another crazy dog into our lives. That’s for another time that story.

First of all I want to thank all my readers for reading my blog and supporting me on this journey. I’m blown away at how many people read it and all the likes and comments. I started this journey as a way for me to write and realized how therapeutic it became. I’ve always wanted to write my memoirs but to me it was scary to write them in book form but less scary for me to write them here. An amazing counselor who was in my life encouraged me to write them but I was never ready now I’ve almost completed them. My memoirs are God’s story through me. He is the author through all of this and how much healing has come out of this. I could never imagine that ever. They were hard to write but I wrote it raw because how do you pretty up my life.

I’m getting photos from people who knew me growing up. I don’t have to many photos but will share what I have. I saw one this morning it was hard to look at how skinny and horrible I look. I want to just reach into the photo and pull out myself and hug her.

My life has changed so much since then but it has not come without trials. I know trials make us stronger and make us who we are today. It’s taught me so many things. I do know that I could not have done life without so many supporting me in this journey. Thank you everyone. I’m blessed.

As I wrote a couple of days ago my father in law was an amazing man of God. His wisdom was incredible and I loved him so much. God had His hand on him from day one. He was born in Russia and lived with his family. His dad was well known in their community and was a book keeper. They lived when the iron curtain was falling. He had 13 brothers and sisters and his dad took in a couple of other children whose parents had been taken away and they had lived in the streets. When things were getting really bad his family packed up as much as they could in a wagon. They had two horses and left Everything else behind. My father in law was 10 years old. He said many people begged his family to take their children but their wagon was full. They also took the two children that had recently joined their family.

Unfortunately two of my father in laws siblings died along the way. Things were hard and tough. My father in law told us how God paved their way so many times in the journey. As they were leaving their village they came to a bridge that was set to detonate and they were told they could not cross. This was the only way out of the village. Then one of the guards stopped and reconized my father in laws dad. He had done work for him and after the guard talked to the others. They let the family go through and on the other side they blew up the bridge.

Another story he told us was there was bombing all over the place and his dad told my father in law to go get the horses that they needed to leave. My father in law told us that he got to the shed and it was full of bullet holes. He felt he could bearly breathe and started to pray and then heard a sound and saw something moving in the shed. He slowly opened the doors and there standing were both of the horses and they had nothing on them. Wow that’s truly a miracle. 🐴

Another story was they arrived in Poland and they needed passports they ended up in a camp. Every night people in the camp disappeared and often people that were right beside them. Gone the next day. My father in law his dad worked in the camp and got enough money together to get passports for his family. The first people took the money and left them without anything. Again his dad had to work to earn enough money and they finally got passports but his dad told his family that they were never to speak Russian again.

Eventually my father in law came to Canada and worked on a farm and worked there for 3 years and was able to stay in the country. There he met his wife who is still alive and they had a family of 5 children. My father in law his faith was huge because of how God had protected him and his family. As I said this was a man I admired so much. He’s in heaven now and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. He is missed everyday but as I said before I got to help look after him as he chose to die in his home. That was hard but so rewarding. When he was dying he would sing beautiful songs in Russian. He kept his language but also spoke fluient German as well. ❤️

Years ago my brother, his wife and sister in law were in Ireland they stopped at the last house where my brother and I were held hostage. That was Russ’ dream house he was an architect before he became a full time artist. He built the bare minimum before we all moved in so my only memory of this house was that it was unfinished. It was so drafty and cold and the wind you could feel whip into the house. There was no heat except for one heater you plugged in, in the area where the tv was. The house of it ever got finished would have been an incredible home. It was 3 floors and the top floor was the penthouse also my sister slept up there. The main part of the house was all bedrooms and one bathroom. There was another wing of the house where there was another bedroom that overlooked where there was a shell where a pool was supposed to go in and you could see the pond in the back yard from that room. It was the room with a view. When my brother still lived at home that was his room. Then there was a big room which was Russ’ office where he did all his painting etc and off the office was a tiny little room big enough for a bed with a very small window in it. That was my bedroom and I had to go through Russ’ office to get out of there. I spend so much time in there on my own while Russ worked in his office.

The house had been sold to new owners when my brother, his wife and his sister in law visited the house. A really nice family had brought it and my brother was in tears and so glad that a nice family an actually family lived there. They invited them inside and were chatting. They had redone it up really nicely and the family had no idea what had happened in the house before they brought it. The family asked my brother to come with them into the house they wanted to know something about the home and could they help him. They all were led into the back part of the house. They came to the little room in the back and said there was something about that room that they could never figure out. The roof had caved in and then they tried to use it as a bathroom but that never worked out and at one stage a bedroom but nobody felt safe in the room so it was just now a storage room.

My brother told the family what had happened to him and me and living in that home. They were horrified and did say that they Russ and his wife seemed like something was off with them when they sold the house to them. My brother said it was so nice to see this nice family with their children in there and they were happy.

Last night my brother told me about this app called street view and how he looked up our old house and now the owners have another house in the property. Apparently the woman who lives there is running a match making company. So today I decided to look at the house I’ve not seen it since I moved out 35 years ago. Today I saw what my brother was talking about. They have painted it a rust color and I saw a trampoline and swings and a basketball hoop. I feel like my brother that the place is a happy home for a family and it’s different looking in some ways but the same in others.

I find it very interesting that the room I spend so much time in could never be a room again. It was a tiny horrible room to start with. What I still have issues with is how my dad could ignore me knowing I was just on the other side of his office and not doing a thing. A person like that is cruel and self serving and caring about nobody but himself. I’m glad that part of the story ended happy for the family that moved in.

After we arrived back in Canada, I had not seen my family for 5 years. I had missed them so much and they were so glad I had come home. I had missed so many things while I was gone. One of them being my nephew I had never met him before he was 2 and a half. I had missed his birth and all that time knowing who he was. That I regreted so much. I had missed my friends most of them had stopped being my friend because of decisions I had made. I came back like I was starting from scratch. L’s family was so glad to see us. Not only was L’s dad sick but his brother in law had a brain tumor. His family needed our help. His dad brought a property up in Mill Bay and it had acreage and we had a one bedroom off the garage. I had my golden retriever and we helped out L’s dad. The property was a lot of work so we helped out lots and L worked in the family business.

The property came with chickens and we eventually got two sheep. Oreo was black and white and there was a white one don’t remember the name. We got the kind you didn’t have to shear. They were to keep down the weeds but we realized that sheep can be picky in what they eat. The property also came with two geese. They were very protective of their space and often swam in the pond. Father goose he loved to chase me and I was petrified of him when he attacked me one day that was it every chance he got he’d chase me. I always made sure that I had something to protect myself with. The property also had a pool and a hot tub. It had a barn as well and a riding ring which Gwen one of the neighbours used.

L always told me that me giving him an ultimative was the break of our marriage. He said I lost respect for him and he punished me for that. He stopped all intimacy with me and hung that over my head as much as he could. I was so happy that I was back home I just ignored what he told me. In fact I saw what others had told me all along and I sought out counsel from others. For a year we lived on the mini farm and when L’s dad got worse we moved back into the city. L and I found a home that would become my home for 13 years with him and 2 on my own. He worked with his family and his brother in law passed away with cancer first and two months later his dad passed away. I got to help care for him in his home. I’ve never done that before and I have to say it was a life changing event in my life. I loved my father in law so much. He was a very wise man and I loved hanging out with him and my mother in law. We often spent time in their home or up at the lake playing cards or having meals together. That was an amazing part of my life. I miss him and L’s brother in law so much. He was such an amazing man of faith and his story about his life was a testimony of how God looked after him since he was a little boy. For his 50th wedding anniversary I made a scrapbook about L’s dad and mom and their lives growing up. I interviewed their families and heard about all the stories. It was truly amazing. Each of their pasts and how God brought them together. Those are the legacies that L’s dad left behind.

I love how God answers prayers. You may never know how He does it or when. This is such an amazing story I wanted to share it with you all. Some of you have heard this story before and I’ve written about it. For those of you that haven’t this story blesses my heart beyond belief.

I used to want children when I was younger and I never had any. I had three step children who I knew when they were younger. Even though I never had children of my own God always blessed me with so many children I got to be with everyday in daycare or school. I’ve got friends whose children have meant the world to me. There’s no shortage of children. 6 years ago a little boy and his dad and his grandparents came into my life. I had no idea what this child and his family would change my life.

I always tell people that this boy is like the child I never had. He lights up my life and I’ve watched him grow into who he is today. For two and a half years I helped him with so many things he needed to learn in his life. He had a very unfortunate accident when he was 7 months old that left him with brain damage but he was not supposed to survive and not only did he but he beat the odds of his accident.

Learning has always been tougher for him but there’s nothing that he can’t do. He was told he would never be able to do many of the things that he can do today and he never talked for a long time and now talks and sings all the time. His laugh brightens up any room. When I first met him and his dad I started praying for them. His dad sent me a video of him when he learned how to say my name for the first time. About a year and a half ago his dad and him started going to church and today while he was coloring he put on a church service from his church he goes to now. He was singing the worship songs.

I love how much he loves hockey watching it on tv and going to the Harbour Cats. He watches basketball with his papa and baseball. He has learned how to ride a bike, learned how to swim and today I watched him scooter fast. He’s a typical 8 year old boy. I’m so glad that he beat the odds and he’s a miracle. I love that he loves God and talks about it to everyone he meets. God is good. From the first day I met him I see perseverance in everything he does. I would always tell him it’s hard at the beginning but the more you do it the easier it becomes. He’s proof of that. ❤️

I was never good at setting boundaries with anyone. I used to be a people pleaser and hated confrontation. Since my marriage broke up and I got out of that environment I’ve learned how to speak out for what I want in my life. I loved that yesterday was international women’s day because I want to reconize all the woman who have been through tough times and gotten through it and are survivors and for those who speak out against things that are not ok. I started my blog 6 years ago to give all people not just woman but men as well who have been through tough times to give everyone hope that you can overcome no matter what you have been through. I started my blog as a way to process things in my life and God has used it to help so many people. I love that. I wanted to give back to those who gave me so much in my life and still continue to today. Thank you.

This week I had to end a friendship which I had set up clear boundaries on because this person was married and he needed to know where I stood. He was an old neighbour who helped me out with things I needed around my house and with my dog occasionally. He’s an older man and so he’s helped me so much in my life. A couple of weeks ago he crossed that line with me and so I ended the friendship. He wanted to know why I had ended it so I told him and he threw my past back at me saying that because I was abused as a child that was why I had made this up and then continued with telling me it’s my PTSD and that he never did anything. Still telling me I’ve made this up and that I have problems. Yes I do have a problem with this whole thing. I realized that’s what abusers try to tell people that they violate them. Throw out back in their court and blame them. I’m the past I would have taken this as I did something wrong. I realized how many people go through this everyday and think this would be their fault.

I used to feel powerless unable to speak up or out about what has happened. I’m proud of myself for being able to stand on the truth and call him out on what he did to me. I stood my ground and someone told me how many people in adultery admit that they did something they should not be doing. No many. I was very strong in those boundaries. I’m so glad I ended this relationship. I’ve set many boundaries and most people don’t like when you stand on somthing you believe strongly on.

I heard a great podcast today about boundaries and how if people don’t want to change you can protect yourself with putting an invisible boundary around you so that the person is not allowed to get in close to hurt you. I think this is good especially for your family. This helps me a lot when a family member comes at me with things. It’s harder to stand and not have those emotions but that boundary will help you.

So even though boundaries are super hard for so many. It makes me feel empowered to be able to stand up and say no this is not ok and In this case walk away. I feel lighter, peace and knowing that I’m ok In all of this. 🙂