Missing children part 2

My last blog I’m not sure why I didn’t write about the only reason why I was able to get through all my truama as a child and adult was not in my own strength but it was all on God’s strength. God is the healer of all pain. He is one who offers Hope and wholeness. God offers us permanent adoption into His family when we ask for it. We are adopted sons and daughters God’s arms are open wide and we are welcomed into His family. Gods truth shows us that we are no longer orphans and never alone.

We will still struggle in life but that feeling of never being alone is awesome. God’s love is huge, because I have chosen to be part of His family, He has healed me from all my wounds. I now live in Freedom. That’s the best gift of all. I was reminded of this truth today and wanted to share it with you all. This is the greatest gift I’m life. ❤️

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I want to thank everyone who has read and liked my blog. I so appreciate the blog community and all my friends and family who read it. Last night was a part out of my memoirs. I will be sharing more and more of that this year. All my blogs are written with what God lays on my heart to write. I love writing, it truly has become a passion for me. I pray that my writing can help and encourage others. Thanks again and if you really like my blog you can like it comment, or just enjoy it.

Blessings to you all today. ❤️

Missing children

I just watched Chicago Med tonight and wow it really effected me a lot. One of the patients in the hospital came in as she was not feeling well. Turns out she was a child that had been kidnapped and now was an adult. She was taken from her home at about 8 years old or so. She had been taken away from everything and everybody she knew. She had to grow up with strangers who took her. They stripped her of every thing even her name.

In Canada 50,000 children are missing each year. Most are found within a short period of time, others it’s long term missing. Some are abducted by strangers and most are taken by one parent or another. This is staggering 800,000 children in the US are missing, injured, run away from home or abducted.

The girl in this tv show for reunited with her mom in the end but what they don’t show you and for many abducted people is how life is after you get reunited. The hardest thing in this world is to come back and live life in a life you have never lived. For one you don’t know any of the people you’ve been reunited with. You don’t know them, their home, their city, schools nothing. I lived this life don’t get me wrong coming and meeting my mom and living here saved my life. My mom was so happy to have me back. I was gone for 12 years abducted by my real dad and taken with my brother to Ireland.

Being taken from my mom at such an early age leads to many issues with attachment. That’s the foundation for a healthy childhood. I was almost two and my brother was 5 and a half. For 12 years we lived apart from our mom. At 14 my brother and I met my mom. At 16 I moved here from Ireland with my one suitcase. That’s all I owned.

It’s hard enough being a teenager without now living a completely different life. I was enrolled in school. Canada and Ireland the cultures are so different and the children teased me so much for being different. Oh top of being different I had been brought up in a world of shelter and not having experiences other children had. I also endured a lot of abuse all types. I was extremely shy and withdrawn. To top it off I knew nobody except my brother but he was already out of the house trying to live his own life here in Canada.

Life was so confusing the rules made my head spin. I had no rules and no boundaries and I lived in fear. My mom was really good with me but we fought often because too much space scared me from how I was used to growing up. I had great survival skills but no social skills. What are you supposed to do with all of that? I did end up in counseling for long periods of time to sift through all the pain and trauma I had endured.

Despite all I have gone through in my life. My life today is really good. I’ve gone through addiction two different kinds and come out on the other side of both. When life was really hard and tough I never gave up and I always worked harder then anyone else to accomplish what I wanted. I am the woman who I am today because of my experiences in life. I have overcome so much and have so many people in my life who love me. I believe with all my heart that is why I succeeded so much in life. I was given all the tools to live life in a world that is not always forgiving. This world is tough especially when I was just trying to fit in like everyone else.

The faces of dementia

Last weekend I spent my time helping my dad. He’s got vascular dementia. Every 6 weeks I will go and hang out with him so my mom can have a respite break. Over 1.1 million Canadians are effected either with someone they know or indirectly with dementia. 5.8 million people in the US have been diagnosed with it. We know this disease processes. I see it everytime I look after my dad. The biggest thing with people with dementia is social isolation which of course is so prevalent now with Covid. Social isolation rises the stress the hormones which in turn creates more confusion. It’s a tough balance though because when things change it elevates that stress. Now when I go hang out with my dad I just take it all as it comes. Things that he loved so much before its hard to get him to want to do it.

One of my favorite things is to listen to his records with him. He loves music and music has been proven that it helps with memory. Music also improves quality of life, it reduces agitation and distress. It helps create new memories even with dementia. I know for me and I’m sure others can relate I listen to music when I feel stressed and it calms me down. It was hard to get my dad to sit and listen to his music. The whole weekend we listened to two records. I found watching tv seemed to calm him even though we could watch the same news all day and each time it’s new to him. We did find some great programs on different cultures.

I now see him taping his body which is a self soothing thing. Despite him having dementia he’s got the most Amazing sense of humor that cracks me up. He’s still really aware of what is going on its just his short term memory. We have the best conversations and he helps me figure out things I need. I never had any real relationship with the dad who lives in Ireland. Barry has always been the dad who has spent time with me. We laugh when I remind him how he helped me write all my English essays in school. He’s shaped me into the woman I am today. I love spending time with him. We love to walk and see how buildings are changing and walking on the beach. Dementia makes Everything is so simple we pick up rocks from the beach, we look out into the ocean and see boats, birds and seals. We smile at children and dogs and we just soak up what is around us. I make each moment count. That’s all he has now with short term memory. As we leave the beach and head home he will have forgotten what we did but that’s ok. The next memory is around the corner.

Standing up for what is right

You would think standing up for people was an easy thing to do. It’s really hard especially when you hate conflict. God has had me standing up for people at school and now outside school. I was led to approach two gals at school about how they were treating another person. I couldn’t sit there anymore while they tore strips off another person. At first the two were really defensive and wanted to confront me. I prayed lots about it and set up clear boundaries with both of them. They were not very happy with me but now they both have changed their attitudes and have become much more pleasant to be around. I didn’t even have to meet with them. When they see me now and are very polite and friendly to me.

I’ve learned a lot about conflict over the years and many times it will end like it did in this situation. I know how to conduct myself and stand on what I believe. I also did it in love. I Believe others see me and watch me and that I can be an example to others. Christ asks us to love others. If I had approached the situation in a whole different manner then it would have ended up badly. At first I wanted to run away but I knew if I did the whole situation would have continued or gotten worse.

A couple of days ago I happened to be in the right place at the right time. I now know that God had me be at home off work that day for a reason. Again I was put in a situation that required me to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. It’s a really hard thing to do but one that I must do. I often talk about my own childhood and how nobody stood up for me as a kid. That totally messes your whole life up when anybody is caught in an abusive relationship /situation. It has taken me half of my life to get to where I don’t need therapy. Abuse of any kind messes you up bad. Now I don’t hesitate if I see something that is not right.

Again it’s really hard for me and it usually triggers me in some way. Now that I have healthy ways to deal with trauma. I reach out to my friends, phone people I trust, be really kind to myself and cry. To the day I die I will always stick up for others. I have protected many children and adults. I’m so glad God put this protective part in me. So next time you see someone in trouble reach out and help them. You can change their lives even in a small way.

Doing the hard /right thing

Anybody who knows me, knows that I will stand up for what is right no matter how hard it is. This past week at work I had to tell two people that I was really uncomfortable with how they were treating someone else. They both were taken back and super defensive with me saying that I was uncomfortable. After listening to this last year and now one of the people f bombing the person and saying how incompentant they were. I decided to let them know that it made me really uncomfortable. I’ve still not talked with them because I won’t meet alone with them. I will discuss it but only when I have someone with me.

I hate conflict but I won’t and can’t stand back while two people are tearing down another person. I had to speak up and I will let them know that it’s not ok. Whether they are a child or an adult I will stand up for what is right. I will protect those that need protection.

In all my jobs I have stood up for both children and adults. As a child who had no power in my home to do anything and nobody speaking up for me in my home. People knew something was wrong but they all kept quiet. As I grew up and became an adult I promised myself that I would stand on my principals to protect the vulnerable or people that were being torn down unfairly by others.

I have ruffled a lot of people but I will continue to do what is right. It’s really hard for me to do but I also know that it’s the right thing to do. I love that now I can set boundaries with people and stand my ground. I’ve come a long way in my life. God gave me a huge heart for people and others. I understand and have compassion for those who are picked on or bullied. I understand loneliness, depression and that feeling like you just don’t fit anywhere. Nobody anywhere should feel like this. We all deserve to feel loved, wanted and appreciated.

We are called to help our neighbours

We are called to help our neighbours. A good friend of mine said to me last night when I was complaining about taking water out of my basement. What would Jesus do? He would have helped out and taken that water out of that basement. Even though I felt it was not my job. I realized that we are called to help others and my landlord is older and he has a sick wife. This also is my home and he’s been very gracious with both Larry and I and so I realized that I’m so glad I was able to help him. This was a lesson in humility for me and I may not have liked it, I did it to help him. This morning I feel gratitude in my heart. This year as I thought about goals for 2021 I wanted to help people more. My attitude adjusted when I realized that I was given an opportunity to help a neighbour. I’m grateful for the friend who made me stop and realize that this was a good thing.

Just like the people that are coming over to put in a sump pump to help the landlord. We are all banning together to help out. When I die I want people to know that I will lend a hand to others no matter what. There are things in our lives that we don’t want to do but doing them makes you feel so much better inside.

Reach out to someone today. 🙂 Pay it forward to someone else. Bring a smile to the face of someone.

Happy New year

Happy New year. What a year it’s been. I was reading the blog I wrote last year about New years and what I hoped for this year. Much of it was unprecedable but one thing did come true. I got my dream job working as an Early childhood educator in Kindergarten. I’ve been so blessed to be part of the pilot project at my school. So even though I had a lot of health challenges I waited patiently for this. Even though this year was difficult at times I came through it well. I was reflecting on this the other day, I think it’s because of all the really hard things I’ve done in my life. This was not that bad even the pendemic I just went with the flow. I know many who struggled and it was very hard on them. I Believe God prepared me at the beginning of the year through my injury.

My word for 2021 is surrender. Getting rid of unnecessary distractions. This seems to have gotten worse since covid. I want to spend less time on social media and more time on important things. I want to spend more time with the Lord, I’ve been listening lots to the Psalms my pastor does every Tuesday. I want to read the Psalms every day not just whenever. I want to be more disciplined in my walk with the Lord. Surrender can be my bad habits I fall back on when I get stuck or need comfort.

I chose other words as well. One of them I love is simplify. I want my life to be simple I want to not take anything for granted. To stop and watch the birds one of my favorites is to watch them on my feeder on my back deck. To have fun and laugh more. Learn new things. I decided about a month ago I wanted to learn how to play the ukulele and I love it. I signed up for an online course. I never played a string instrument before. I’m having fun learning.

Deterimation is another word for 2021. My goal this year is to work full time at my job. I’m only working part time now and it’s difficult. At the end of March I’m supposed to get benefits but I don’t have enough hours at my job so I’m going to ask if there is anyway my job could be extended to one more day a week. It doesn’t hurt to ask. I also want to make sure that I’m open to accepting others for where they are in life. God has opened up my heart and mind on this. It’s been challenging at times but God has been putting me in situations where I can learn more. I’ve been reading more as well.

So whatever you choose for next year if it’s a word or how to better yourself in some way. I pray this upcoming year will be better in some way for each of us. Happy New year to each and everyone of you. Thank you for taking time to read my blog and I so appreciate all of you. ❤️

Goodbye to 2020

I will not be sad to see this year come to an end. The word I chose at the beginning of this year was perseverance. This was such a perfect word for me because I’ve been challenged more this year then I can remember in a long time. Throughout all the challenges I have to say that I’ve grown so much in so many areas of my life. I believe with all the things I have endured this year that God prepared me in a huge way for Covid. I started my year three weeks into January and I hurt my SI joint and hip at work. I was off work for two and a half months. It’s really hard to look after yourself when your on your own, but my friends from church stepped in and cooked me meals for a couple of weeks. That was so nice for each of them to come to my home. I knew I was loved.

I had physio often and then WCB sent me to bootcamp. That about killed me. Who in their right mind works out 4 hours a day. WCB wanted me to join this gym and that’s how long you were expected to come in and workout. I think their Motto is no pain no gain. Thank goodness I was working small amounts to get back to work. Then Covid hit and Spring break and we didn’t go back to school. I was used to being at home so it wasn’t that bad for me.

In the end of May I broke my finger. It’s the third time I’ve broken the tip on this finger. Holy cow I had forgotten that broken fingers hurt like hell. I could morning. Good thing we had Cerb which helped me through 6 more months of no work. School remained close only to those for essential workers and I could not work with a broken finger. So I went to physio for it.

I stopped going to a counselor I had gone to for 6 years. I never realized how much I relied on this person for so many things. It has been a hard transition but I know I’m in a much healthier place and with a really good support system I know I can do this. Grief has been hard and plentiful for me this year as well. Living in my own without my husband, learning all the things it takes to look after a home in your own it’s a lot but I’ve been doing it. Grief from not having my counselor in my life the transition was hard for me and then the death of my grandpa. He lived to almost be 105. New years eve would have been his birthday. When you lose someone all that grief from all the other people comes trickling back. I’ve cried a lot this year.

Tears are good and healthy and a must to continue forward in this life. Pain makes one preservere more. On Monday I needed that perseverance so much when God had me come home from work because of snow. Thank goodness He did because there was a flood in my basement and I pumped water out of it for 6 and a half hours. I was so exhausted from lifting up the heavy shop vac to the sink to dump out the water. As this year comes to a close I will be thinking of a new word for 2021.

What word will you choose for the next year?

Advent

I love this time of the year. I love celebrating advent and thinking about what each candle means. HOPE – We have so much to be hopeful for this season. If I didn’t have hope in my life I would have nothing. Hope is what motivates me to keep moving forward. Hope encourages me to do better and to know with Christ in our lives we have everything.

The opposite of fear is PEACE. You can’t have peace in your life if your fearful. I find great peace in reading God’s word and praying. I also love writing and have discovered it brings huge peace to my soul. I have a message board and on my board right now I have the verse ” The peace of God which transcends guards your hearts and minds.” Phillipians 4:7

LOVE- I love that we should love everyone like we want to be loved ourselves. How many scriptures in the Bible talk about Love❤️ So many. Today in school the children made me a card and inside they told me how much they loved me. We all want to be loved by someone. The greatest gift of love is through our Lord and Saviour. He loves us unconditionally no matter who we are. I’m reminded so much that He loves me and when I feel lonely He’s always there.

JOY – Last week we were asked in church who or what gives us joy in our lives. I told them that my Grandpa Jack brought so much joy to me and everyone around him. He was an amazing man. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. He was always smiling and laughing. He lived life to the fullest. Even through my grief I can smile and think of stories about my grandpa. My family and friends also bring me great joy. The children at school and their teachers. I love their hearts for the children. I love the boy I do respite care for he’s become part of my family and I’m part of his. This young boy brings me so much joy in my life.

What are you joyful for this season? This time of the year I love that we get to Celebrate the birth of Christ. I never get tired of this story. What an awesome celebration.