Beauty from Ashes.

Yesterday I finally got my book From Corset to Crown 👑 I’ve read the ebook and recently download the Kindle version. It’s amazing to be able to turn pages. Who else loves to read books? When I’m out somewhere waiting for an appointment etc, I will bring a book and I’m usually the only one reading one. Occasionally someone else will read a book. I love reading and learning.

In the end of April I won a full scholarship to Disruptive Nutrition. I had never heard of Disruptive Nutrition before so I had really no idea what my scholarship entailed. I just knew that my life would change in ways that I never imagined. After my 3 day webinar I knew I wanted what these people had and now I was given a chance of a lifetime. Something that I knew that I would never ever take for granted. I had to unlearn all the things I had learned especially with diets I had done.

How many of you have been on a diet or fasted or counted calories? How many of you were able to stick to the things these companies wanted? My last diet was weight watchers. I was in it for 3 years and I hated how restricted it was and it never made sense to me the foods you ate and you had to track everything. I never tracked the longest was a week and got fed up and stopped. Before I did it online you used to have to go to the studio and weigh in. You weighed in on a scale in front of all the people behind you in the line. When I’d hop on I often was up and the lady would say oh Sarah your up this week. I hated that scale so much. I felt like such a failure as I had restricted myself all week and still I was up. The shame I felt. I started coming in late so I didn’t have to weight ams they’d catch you on the way out.

When i joined Disruptive Nutrition I was glad to have to ditch all the diets and the best thing ever was my prep week I thew out my scale. That was a day of freedom. So many good things. I was taught the BS system. Not the BS your thinking of but BS is Balancing your Blood Sugars, Belief Systems and Behavioural Science. For 3 months I had 3 amazing coaches. My coach was training two other coaches so I had 3. I learned so many amazing things and would watch videos everyday and go through workbooks. I would check in with my coaches everyday. They would challenge me on what I was learning so that I could deeper. Every two weeks I would zoom with my coaches.

After 3 months of learning then you plan out every 3 months what you are doing to learn and do. I’ve been flying my own plane 3 months. I still get to learn more and more things. I’m reading From Corset to Crown 👑 that is a book that is so worth reading. I’m also reading the Consistency Code, Hardiness and listening to Body Confidence. Lots of book work .

Before I joined Disruptive Nutrition I had 27 of these metabolic diseases out of 37. I knew that if I didn’t change where I was headed that my life would be cut short. Life was getting harder and harder especially in my mobility. I had osteoarthritis and my knees were in bad shape. Stairs were killer and lots of standing.

The last year I’ve been working with an amazing physiotherapist and through hard work I’ve been strength training and working on especially those knees. I could only walk 10 minutes before my knees would swell. This summer I started walking more and more and tomorrow I’m going to walk to the forest with my class. In the 6 years that I’ve been at the school I’ve never walked down to the forest. I’ve been there lots but only driven down.

I’ve lost 27 lbs with my new life style. It’s not about weight loss but it’s about being consistent and showing up everyday for myself no matter how hard it is. There are many times I don’t want to work out but then I think if I don’t do it now, then at 90 I will need someone to look after me. I want to be living my best life. I want to be there for the boy I do respite care for now. Grant is a boy that I love he’s the greatest kid and I committed to being in his life for a long time. He’s one of my greatest joys. I want to be able to be mobile.

For the first time in my life I love who I am and I love myself. I used to hate looking in the mirror and now I don’t avoid them. I love how I have had so many non scale victories. Clothes fit in fact are baggy, I’m stronger and I’m now gluten and dairy free something that I would never imagine. Gluten gives me inflammation in my knees. Also losing 27lbs means that I’ve lost 108lbs of pressure off my knees. That is hard to imagine. No wonder my knees were a mess.

I never could figure out how to end my memoirs. Where I had been to where I am today. My journey will never be done until the day I die but this story needs an ending.

This past year I’ve worked so hard on myself. I was diagnosed as having fatty liver, I was obese and the heaviest I’d ever been. I was insulin resistant and my blood sugars were creeping up. The doctor at Lifestyle Rx program told me that if I didn’t change, I was headed towards diabetes, heart attack, stroke and that body was full of metabolic diseases. I knew that my body was sick but had no idea how to change it. Lifestyle RX teaches you how to reverse your insulin resistance and they do it with eating clean and exercising.

My gut was a train wreak and I joined a gut health group with a woman called Dr. Anna Toker. She’s a colorectal surgeon who is a very knowledgeable woman. I started to learn amazing simple things I could do for my gut. Do you know that your gut is your second brain? 🧠 She has newsletters and tips on how to help your gut. I started to follow what she was teaching.

I then met Mark Macdonald he’s the author of Body Confidence and he’s got extensive knowledge on balancing your blood sugars. He and Dr. Anna ran a webinar about gut health every week. The information I learned was another step to me learning more about my gut. I slowly saw my gut change but it still had something missing.

Dr. Anna and Mark created a pre/probiotic called Zive and I was able to be part of the pilot project. This probiotic I started to notice big changes in my gut. I had terrible acid reflux and was on PPIs for many years. I had found out that year that the PPI, I was taking was contributing to divitulitis that I was getting two times a year.

At the end of April I listened to a 3 day webinar about a woman who debunks all diets. How they set us up for failure and how the scale makes you feel shame, guilt and failure every time you step in it. I loved what she taught and in the last night she said that there was a scholarship and anyone could apply for it. I wanted what she was teaching so I applied for the scholarship and wrote about my relationship with food. I wrote about not having enough food and how that shaped my entire life on how I saw food. I shared my story and guess what I won a full scholarship to Disruptive Nutrition. Wow really that was awesome. I will write more about it in Part 2 of this chapter. You don’t want to miss it. It was the missing piece in my puzzle. 🧩

Recently I struggled with a situation that I didn’t know what to do about. I sought counsel from people that I trust. I also reached out to some guidance from a person through my job. I prayed a lot about the situation as well. I wanted to make sure that I did the right thing.

As I prayed one day I remembered that the Lord has given me so much grace in my life. I realized that this person needed grace as well. For me not to be quick and react but to really think about what I needed to do. Old Sarah would have reacted in a way that may not have been what and how I should act. New Sarah took the situation and realized that this person they needed grace as well.

In the Bible Jesus talks about forgiving 70×7. That’s a heck of a lot of forgiveness. Even though the situation left me feeling like I didn’t belong and I felt that I was dismissed and not been listened to. I had no idea why.

This week I talked to someone at my job and explained the situation and they said they’d talk to the person. They said you may never find out why this happened. I told them that to me it didn’t matter why. I just wanted to not be treated the way I was.

Yesterday I never saw the person all day even though they work across the hall from me. At the end of the day the person came into my room to discuss a situation that had happened with someone in my class. They described a situation that had happened. It’s amazing how young children see situations and then around their family the story becomes very enlarged.

Somehow I got involved in the conversation and the person who I was having issues with came over to me and listened to what I said and then responded accordingly.

Wow obviously they heard what was spoken to them and I felt included in the conversation. That’s all I wanted from day one.

I’m so glad I chose the direction I did with Grace and understanding. We will see how things progress. For now I’m happy with this outcome. ❤️

One of the hardest things for me to do is wait, especially when things are totally out of your control. Every year at the end of June I get laid off from my job for the summer. On the last day of my job, I always apply for  Employment insurance. This year was the same as every other year. Usually it’s within a couple of weeks. They review your application and then you wait for them to decide.

I find it crazy because I pay into this every year and EI gives you a portion of your wages. They expect you to be out looking for work. So unless you get a summer job, nobody is hiring you for two months in a full time job. In September my job is waiting for me. It’s a two month gap.

This year I’ve waited over the 28 day period by 4 days. It says my claim is under review. So I have $29 in my bank account and rent is due tomorrow. I’ve never not paid my rent. How far are you getting on $29 for food?

I know what it’s like but to have food. I know full well as a child and you would think as an adult that you were never put in that situation. Today I reached out to the ministry to see what they can do.

They told me that unless all my resources are tapped out I can’t apply. So I’m getting money through EI eventually but because it’s late it’s still a resource available to me. How is that fair. I could do an application but whatever that could give me EI will take the money that they give me. I can’t get money from any other source because that’s considered income even though I’m not earning it in a job.

So there is definitely a disconnect in our system. How can that even be possible. So I decided to keep pursuing the EI thing. Do my reports and wait.

I called EI again today and talked to another women who told me that I haven’t gotten EI because my case worker needed to know that I’m actively looking for work. I told her that I can called the ministry because I needed emergency money.

My case worker did call me but I didn’t realize that my phone had blocked unknown calls so my phone never rang and it went straight to voicemail. Figures. She said she’d call tomorrow. I called her back on her voicemail to apologize for missing her call.

Maybe she called because it’s not good if your client is calling the ministry needing emergency money. I think to myself how many other people do through this every summer.

So today I applied for two jobs and will tell my case worker that tomorrow. The other crazy thing is my case worker gave me her phone number but it always says she’s unavailable. No way to reach her.

I’m sorry that system is appalling. How is that justice especially when I pay until this service every year. Hopefully I can talk to her tomorrow. If I had a car I would be driving down to the office. Guess that will be my option next week.

So hard to be patient for something so out of your control. Not sure what I’m being taught here other then causing me extreme stress. It’s not been a fun week.

Wow life just never seems to slow down. In the beginning of June the transmission on my vehicle packed it in. I spent two weeks getting the bus and cabs. Boy how much I took for granted having a car when you don’t have one. Then I was recommended a guy who sells used cars. He has many positive reviews. He helped me find a car. I took it in to get inspected and it came back good. I then brought it.

Shortly after buying it I noticed it started running rougher and rougher and I was losing oil. A lot of oil. I took it back to my mechanic and in fact it had an major oil leak. The guy I brought it from told me if I was not happy with the car I could return it.

My gut told me that something was up with this guy. He even had the gall to tell me that I couldn’t read the dip stick right. The car had zero problems. Every two days something else was up with this car. Before I got my money back he sat and lecturered me about this car. That my mechanic had told me the wrong thing. I told him that was the only gauge I had was what my mechanic told me.

He decided he didn’t want to do business me anymore. That’s ok he’d told me so many things that I questioned. I’m wondering if I had gone with a guy he would never have treated this way. He told me that my standards were too high so I would never find a vehicle in this city. Thank goodness I got my money back. I left.

Since then I’ve had two more cars pre inspected and both came back with two many things to fix and the last one needed a new head gasket with oil leaking. I was discouraged. I realized that while I’m getting all these cars pre inspected none of the guys wanted to hear what the mechanics are saying. They all turned around and sold the vehicles to others. Wow no mention of the oil leaks or needing a rebuild.

I decided that everything that people are selling on the island is over priced and selling their junk. The dishonesty is crazy. I’m now looking for a vehicle on the mainland and have by brother helping me.

I find it crazy in this day and age that guys still figure that as women we knew nothing about cars. I may not know a lot but I’m not an idiot. To be told that I can’t read a dip stick wow that’s so bad. This guy claims to be a Christian and told me he’d pray for me. He also was angry with me for returning the car. How is this professional?

There is a car out there for me that will be so much better then what I was looking at. 🚗

Have you ever wondered how your life would turn out? When I wasyounger I always dreamed of a better life. We all want out lives to be happy and be married to your best friend, we want to be thinner, we want to have kids and live the best life ever.

What does that life actually look like? Those were all the things that I wanted in life or do I thought. What happens if you found a different path where you are really happy now and it’s got nothing to do with these things. What is happiness and how do we want to live our lives? I thought happiness was all those things. After being married for 19 years that was not the happiness that lasted.

A year ago I was the sickest I’ve ever been. I was told that if I continued the way I was going that I was headed for stroke and heart attack. I had fatty liver and type 2  diabetes was around the corner. I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. Lost weight, gained it back, lost it again and gained back even more.

I’ve chased all the diets, counted all the calories, half starved myself to just find myself filled with shame and guilt. Every time I stepped on the scale I would cringe and how had I lost no weight when I had followed the last diet to the tee. I felt like a failure. I couldn’t even get this right. I hated myself and avoided mirrors. I would take clothes home when I went shopping and try them on to avoid the all around mirrors. Who wants to look at yourself from all sides?

I had so much metabolic disease in my body. My body was breaking down slowly. I knew something needed to change but how do you change when nobody is teaching what you need. I had joined a gut health group and learned a lot about balancing your blood sugars. I found another community that talked about not only balancing your blood sugars but a healthy way to eat. I tried to learn as much as I could.

At the end of April I listened to a 3 day webinar about how to change your life and every single thing in that webinar that was me. That was my life. I heard about hope really this sounded too good to be true. At the end of the webinar you could apply for a scholarship. I wanted this whatever these people had. I shared my story of where I had been to where I was 3 months ago.

I got the call that I was the winner. What I decided that I had been given the greatest gift so I committed to myself that no matter how hard it was I was going to do whatever I needed to be successful. I showed up everyday no matter what was happening in my life. I learned why I did the things I did and got to the root of the issues.

The biggest thing was I am in control of my life. I can control what I say, think or do. I can’t control what others do think or say. Those things are not in my control. What others thought used to derail me they don’t anymore. I’ve learned so many tools and when life shows up I don’t rush out to eat junk food. I can stop and think how I can deal with the situation without reacting.

I threw out my scale the first week and that was the best freedom ever. I see so many non scale victories. I feel amazing with tons of energy. I have lost 5 inches off my stomach and my clothes are baggy. I love me for who I am for the first time in my life.

I’m happy so happy with my life. I’m STRONG, FUELED AND FREE. I know how to straighten my crown in all situations. I have that inner peace that I so wanted in my life. I feel so much gratitude everyday and I feel so grounded where I want to be everyday. Wow this happiness is empowering. I have found my true purpose in life.

So yes my happiness came in a way that I never expected and I have balanced my blood sugars and my hormones. I don’t sick hardly anymore. So I’ve just finished my trifecta with my coaches, and now I get to practice all the things I’ve learned. I get to continue living this amazing life. Happiness comes in a way that you don’t expect, so next time you think you want something a certain way. Maybe it will come in a way that you least expect.

Thsnks for reading. ❤️

Wow my heart is really full these days. So much to be grateful for. Two and a half years ago after my dad died, I was so sad it was so hard. I decided to start a gratitude routine with myself everyday. Gradually it changed my mindset. I still felt sad but it changed me inside.

No matter what is happening in your life there is always room for gratitude. I have continued it and now I do a morning time. I pray and ground myself for the day. I time block my day what am I going to accomplish today. It’s very small but that all adds up. I love the 1% philosophy because everyone can attain 1% more each day.

3 weeks ago the transmission blew on my car and I was left wondering how I was getting from place to place. I called my mom when I was sitting for the tow truck. I had no idea then, that would be the last time I would drive my car again. My mom told me that I needed a car and that she would help me get another one. Wow that was not what I expected at all. I had a budget and started looking for cars.

So many of them had high mileage and high prices. I started praying about it and found a guy who sells used vehicles. He was highly recommended to me. I wrote to him and told him what I’m looking for and he was just getting in a car that fit my budget. It was a Toyota which have amazing reputations.

I’ve had my car a week and I’m getting used to it as it’s much smaller then my other vehicle. It’s a zippy car. I never noticed how many cars are in the road now I’m driving one. I’m so grateful and blessed to have this amazing little car and it’s phenomenal on gas.

I love how God provides right when you need it. I’m so grateful to my mom for helping me. ❤️

On the last day of school I was given a lot of gifts and cards with really nice things inside about me helping the children. Every morning we go out and say good morning to the children in our class. I arrived outside and one of the boys handed me this tiny flower. I asked him did he make this he said yes. It made me smile and I put it in my pocket.

I went about my day not thinking anything about the flower until I was at home and put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the flower. I reflected on the boy who made it. He was a boy who was very sweet but had high needs and sometimes drove me bonkers. He needed so much. He would often tell me how much he loved me and make me pictures. I would bring them home and put them up on my fridge and take photos of them to show him. He loved that.

He often asked to hug me and I’d give him a great big bear hug. He had an amazing mind and he often asked me to sit with him while he worked. He’d sit beside me as much as possible. His hands often were on other children and he didn’t know his own strength. We worked hard on that.

For him to make all those flowers for us all was amazing and I realized that this small token of his love was the biggest and best gift I recieved. It was the gift of love. ❤️

I love how much I’m learning and growing in my disruptive nutrition program. I’ve been in it almost a month and a half now. It’s like night and day now since I started. The biggest thing I have learned is how to love myself. I was the person who hated shopping because of all the mirrors in the change rooms. Why on earth do you need 6 mirrors in your Change room? So that you can see your body from all sides. It was hard enough seeing the front side. I always left feeling horrible. I then would take clothes home and bring them back, if they didn’t fit.

Carrie Lupoli is a nutritionist and a behavioural specialist. I often hear her say “You know what to do but you don’t do it”. This can be for anything in your life. Exercise you know that it will keep you healthy but you start it and then you give up when it’s hard. You know eating cleaner will help you feel better but you never stick to it. You know if you budget better each money your money problems will go away, but no matter how hard you keep all the receipts and write everything down. It doesn’t get better, it seems worse then ever. Why?

If you lower your stresses then you will be happier, because you know that stress is a killer. You do all the breathing, walking , listen to music, journal and pray etc but you still feel stressed. Why?

I never knew why none of these things ever worked. It wasn’t from lack of trying. I would feel so frustrated. It’s like the hamster on the same wheel but a different day.

When I joined Disruptive Nutrition (DN) I realized that I couldn’t figure out these things because I needed systems to help me. Systems are goals you have for different areas of your life. Then breaking down the goals into smaller more manageable goals to help in areas of your life. It’s the 1% progress everyday.

Without knowing how systems work is why I was never successful with different areas in my life. Small consistent things everyday build into how to build your life successfully.

One of my biggest things is my budget. I have a budget and a credit counsellor who gave me a budget sheet and checks in every two months or so. I really tried to follow his sheet, did all the things he suggested and slowly as the weeks went by went back into chaos. I’m so tired of feeling stressed about money. Do I have enough well I make it from pay cheque to pay cheque? Will I have another surprise this month. It’s never ending.

Monday I have a call with budgetbesties and my birthday is coming up. My gift to myself with my birthday money is to take their budgeting course. It’s run very similar to Dave Ramsey’s program. I will keep you updated on how it goes.

I love that I can learn how to put all my systems together so that life can run smoothly 1% progress. 1% is attainable. I’m learning how to make those decisions in my life that I need to better myself. I’m loving the results and I feel amazing. I can stand and look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the person I see. I’m learning how amazing gratitude is every day and for the first time in a long time I feel happier and more content.❤️

Hero was a horse who was supposed to die. He was taken up into the high desert and shot twice in the head. Instead of dying he wandered around with a lead rope on and who knows how long it took, he stumbled into a workers Camp.

The workers called the authorities who took Hero to the vet. He had lost so much blood. The vets worked on him and had to remove one of his eyes. My friend Kim Meeder her and her husband Troy run a ranch that rescues horses. Kim was told about this horse and was asked if he survives could be come to the ranch.

Not only did Hero live he became a true Hero to so many people and children who visited the ranch. It’s hard to imagine that he had two eyes before because Hero ran like the wind and he became the protector of the other horses at the ranch.

I had the amazing privilege of getting to know Hero everytime I went to the ranch. The first time I met Hero was 15 years ago. I was at an information clinic. I was handed his reigns while my friend Kim was talking to someone. Hero kept trying to follow her.

His story touched me in so many ways. After that when I would come to the ranch he would follow me up the hill to the ranch. He was such a magnificent horse. His story always inspired me. He should have died from being shot twice but it made him get up and go for help. His preservance showed, his entire life. People all around grew to love Hero who he was. The ranch chose his name. Every horse gets a new name when they come here.

I last saw Hero 7 years ago and I was out in the field where he was helping feed the horses. Thank you Hero for helping me see what no matter where you have been you can survive anything.

https://youtu.be/V7LSfahFF8c?si=p6W76djsWfIkRCf7

Here is the video of Hero if you want to see why I loved this horse so much. The person who shot him twice was also found and prosecuted for what he had done. You left an Amazing legacy Hero. I can picture you running free in heaven. 🐴