Hedge of protection

This past week I saw what happens when you pray over a home. Larry and I lived in a home for 13 years together. Before we ever moved in Larry walked the perimeter of the property and inside it. I still do that pray over the homes I rent now. After Larry left I remained in the home and lived there for two more years before the house got sold. I prayed for the new owners as they would take up living in that house we had called home. I loved that house it was small but it holds lots of memories for Larry and I.

A couple days last week we had lots of wind and the home is surrounded by large Oak trees. Some of those trees have been there for a long time. That was on the weekend. On the Monday I was in the ER and my old neighbour Jim sent me some photos. I could tell it was my old house and I was so surprised what I was looking at. Its hard to tell in photos what is going on.

As you can tell from the photos it looked like one of the Oak trees had fallen down but I’m still not comprehending what happened. I can tell it’s one of the large ones that’s in the neighbours on the other side and then realised it’s one of those massive ones that’s fallen down. They are so tall and huge and you can tell by the roots in the ground. I’m stunned so it came down and looks like it’s fallen on their shed and part of it on the roof. I still had no idea.

A couple of days later I dropped my dog off at Jim’s house and I get a text from the lady who now owns the house with her Husband their small child and her father in law. He lives downstairs in the suite that Larry built. He was home when the tree went down. The tree fell right between both homes it crushed the fence and their deck that Larry built and caved in the roof in the side. The grandpa was home when it happened but his life was spared and the tree did not come near his suite.

I went to pick up a box that I had left behind when I moved that’s why she had text me. I thought I’d look and see what had happened to their home. They had, had someone come in and cut up the tree but the front yard looked like an Earthquake had hit it. I stood in shock as the deck was gone except for the landing that the stairs was once on and the deck still attached to the house. I felt sick in my gut and all these memories came back. I used to sit in that deck and think of one of those trees ever fell down it would do a lot of damage.

So many things are God’s divine intervention. The family were not home except for the grandpa and he never heard it. His suite was protected. Even though it crushed their new shed, the fence, their deck and their grill all that can be replaced. The other divine thing was it fell between the two homes. The people on the other side their kids bedrooms are all on that side and they were all home sleeping. It crushed their deck and part of the roof they were protected. So even though we moved out of that home it still was protected by the Lord. That’s truly amazing. I love the couple who moved into the home and I’m so glad that they are ok.

Marriage – memoirs

Not all of my marriage was bad in fact I had an opportunity to travel all over the USA and I got to live in some awesome amazing places where I met incredibly people who I’m still friends with today. I got to see some of the most beautiful countryside. I’ve been across the US twice from where I live in Canada. I’ve been to Washington, Idaho, Montana loved it there especially the town of Sheridan, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illnois, Kentucky, Tennessee to North Carolina. It took us a week to drive there but I got to see so much of the country and I loved it. The second time we did it I had my golden retriever Libertyanne with us. As we got each state line we tied her up to the post and took her photo.

On the way back we drove through Kentucky. I loved that State as it’s got piles of horse stables. A horse state, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma,New Mexico and Arizona. Colorado and Utah were two of my very favorite states. So beautiful in different ways. I loved Utah with Arches and we got to go in some tours where they had restored small villages. The salt flats in Utah were awesome and went on for miles and miles. We got to see wild horses on the side of the road and Colorado was magnificent. Loved the snow capped mountains. We went through California and up to Oregon.

We were going to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch for a 4 day session where you learn how to set up your own ranch. At this ranch they rescue horses and team them up with children. There are over 200 of these ranches all over the world now. The high desert has become my second home and the ranch is my family. I love that place so much and have met awesome people that I still am friends with.

I’m so glad I got to see so many places and meet some of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. The USA is a beautiful country. I’m so glad I got to see so much of the Country. That’s why the US is close to my heart ♥️

God still does heal……

I know that God can heal anybody he wants to. We have seen all those amazing stories in the Bible and he’s raised people from the dead. I love those stories so much. I’ve watched God do amazing things with people I know. One of my friends who was an amazing singer. A year ago right near Easter she had a brain aneurism and was in coma. The doctors called in her family to tell them to come and say goodbye to her. People from all over the world came together and prayed for her to wake up out of her coma. The longer she remained in it the chances of survival stacked against her. The chorus in that song was very fitting to her circumstances.

There ain’t no grave

Gonna hold my body down

There ain’t no grave

Gonna hold my body down.

When I hear that trumpet sound

I’m gonna rise up outta the ground

There ain’t no grave

Gonna hold my body down.

Even though this song was about Jesus in the grave before he rose from the grave on the third day. It applied to what was happening to Lici. I listened to this song which she sang with Travis Cottrell everyday morning and night and prayed for her to wake. Right before Lici had her brain anuresrum she was singing with CeCe Winans on her album Believe. Both songs were so powerful in her healing.

Not only did she wake up but she went through intense therapy and was told that she would make a full recovery. It was hard but she stuck to it and a few months ago was reconciled with her beloved daughter whom she had been separated for a year. The doctors and specialists were in awe about her recovery according to them she should have been dead. God healed her body and even though she can’t sing like she used to I believe with my whole heart she will sing again. Miracles do happen.

When I feel discouraged with my best friend who has breast cancer I am reminded that God is A God of miracles. I’ve started listening to Ain’t no grave by Travis Cottrell and Elicia Brown as a reminder that God has my friend no matter what. I’ve seen other miracles that God has done and I believe in the power of prayer. Many are praying for her and when you read this blog I hope that you will pray for her as well.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 9:20-22

” And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, If I only touch his garment, I will be made well. Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well. And instantly the woman was made well. “

So many great stories. A reminder that no matter what God has this under His control and He loves both of these women so much and they both are loved by so many. That is super humbling to me. God continues to use both of these woman and He will walk by them everyday for their faith and never giving up no matter what. I love that.

The simplicity of life

Children see things so simply that we often miss as adults. We tend to always be in a hurry for the next thing, rushing from place to place. We forget about slowing down. I spent this weekend with my dad. He has dementia and each time I go and spend time with him, I see things that I realize that if I didn’t go through this with him I would miss. I realized this weekend he sees things in such a simple lense. He sees things that if I didn’t slowdown I would miss. I love how he sees the world.

Even though it’s really hard to watch a member of your family go through dementia. This weekend was fantastic. He’s on a medication that has been upped a bit so it helps with his anxiety and helps him focus more on things. He doesn’t get as fixated on things and it’s the most clear headed I’ve seen him in a long time. He’s still the same guy and he’s funny we laugh often. Last night he called me kid that’s what he called me when I was a teenager.

Many who know me, know that my real dad was a monster and never was there for me ever. B has known me since I was 14 and he’s the best father. I love my times with him and now seeing the world through his eyes. It’s simple and not rushed, it’s a gift and each time I’m with him I learn so many things. So next time you feel rushed slow down and see what is out there. Be curious about the world out there. I guess that’s why there’s a saying it there “Stop and smell the roses.”

Trauma in children

Trauma comes in all different sizes. This is the definition I found on google Trauma is the lasting emotional response that often results from living through a distressing event. Experiencing a traumatic event can harm a person’s sense of safety, sense of self, and ability to regulate emotions and navigate relationships.

Trauma effects every part of our being. Sometimes we get stuck emotionally at the age maybe where the truama began. Our brains don’t function normally. Our bodies kick into survival mode. Flight, fight or freeze. In that moment our brain works hard to fend off whatever we think is a threat. Trauma changes the way we feel, act or think in situations. For me trust was huge because people often hurt me even when they thought they were helping me.

Trauma’s Impact on Brain Development

Exposure to chronic, prolonged traumatic experiences has the potential to alter children’s brains, which may cause longer-term effects in areas such as:

  • Attachment: Trouble with relationships, boundaries, empathy, and social isolation
  • Physical Health: Impaired sensorimotor development, coordination problems, increased medical problems, and somatic symptoms
  • Emotional Regulation: Difficulty identifying or labeling feelings and communicating needs
  • Dissociation: Altered states of consciousness, amnesia, impaired memory
  • Cognitive Ability: Problems with focus, learning, processing new information, language development, planning and orientation to time and space
  • Self-Concept: Lack of consistent sense of self, body image issues, low self-esteem,shame and guilt
  • Behavioral Control: Difficulty controlling impulses, oppositional behavior, aggression, disrupted sleep and eating patterns, trauma re-enactment

Source: Cook, et al, 2005

School was next to impossible for me to learn. For me it was my freedom from my nightmare at home. People who don’t know or have never experienced trauma have no idea why a child is acting out in class. They may be violent, low in ademics, impulsive, angry, or withdrawn or have other symptoms. How can we look at the whole child and see that maybe they have come from trauma. Every child is unique in their own way but children from trauma are extra special. One of the only good things that’s comes from my trauma as a kid is that I see children who have trauma in their lives. I’m drawn to them and I understand what and how they feel.

Children are not going to sit down and learn in a classroom. They fight for survival they bolt when they feel they cannot control their lives. Running is easier then facing the scary thing. Imagine coming to school for your first time you’ve never left your home that’s all you know. Then you discover that through a lot of trust the people you see everyday they make you feel like you’ve never felt before. What is that feeling? That feeling is called love. Before you trust anyone you own lash out at people hurting them. As a kid you model what you see at home. That you thought was your normal but you slowly realize that is not normal at all. Nobody else does that.

Trying to get a child in trauma to learn is next to impossible with no trust. I was so low in my schooling way below all the children. For me I was always hungry so you can’t concentrate on work if your stomach growls so much. I love my school because we have many programs that our children can get food from. No child is ever hungry. So next time a child is acting up in your class it could be for many reasons. Taking that time to figure out out it makes a world of difference for everyone. ❤️

Standing up for what is right…

After being bullied as a kid for years from so many people and into my adult life. I don’t understand if you’ve been abused why people think they can continue to pick on me. One thing I did learn was that I now can stand up for what is right and stand up for myself. I’m no longer that child or teen that can’t stick up for themselves or defend themselves. It’s almost like we get a target on our backs. I hate it so much and as an adult have had to set really clear boundaries with people in my life.

I don’t want people in my life that treat me badly so I cut them out of my life. Life is too short to have to deal with drama but what do you do when someone in your family is doing that to you. I find it interesting that this family member said they would never be like our dad but last night and many other nights I realized that’s he’s just like our dad. He’s been stressed and when he’s stressed he takes it out on me for the most stupid things. They are not worth freaking out about. Our dad used to do the same things he’d freak out and yell at us as kids and then beat us. This family member does not hit me but those words of verbal abuse are brutal. Last night I was told that I manipulate others so much to get what I want. Really because anybody who knows me that’s not how they would describe me.

I stood up for myself and they freaked out more at me yelling and screaming at me. The words hurt and what I’ve learned about verbal abuse is it sticks with you for a long time. He won’t apologize and my mom says it’s because of how they grew up. Really because I grew up the same way and I never ever have treated someone like that when I’m upset. This person has a choice and this is what they are choosing. Today it was like nothing happened last night. They were all nice and great and giving me a hug. That’s what abusers do smooth over and pretend it never happened until the next time.

There will be no next time because I’m done with the verbal abuse no more dinners no more family things. It saddens me so much but if I don’t do this, this abuse continues. I put up with so much verbal abuse in my life. It has to stop sometime so I’m going to stop it. It’s hard to stand up to those who treat you badly but if you don’t they will continue to abuse you.

After leading the life I had I have zero tolerance for bullying for adults or children. I’m so glad that I’m healthy now and can see when this is happening and remove myself from it. It’s very empowering and helps me to help others. You do not have to be around people like that family or not. I’ve worked so hard in my life to keep out toxic people and no matter how hard it is I will continue to do it. I so appreciate all the people I have in my life who love and support me and have helped me become the strong woman I am today.

Spiritual Abuse

Religious abuse is abuse administered under the guise of religion, including harassment or humiliation, which may result in psychological trauma. Religious abuse may also include misuse of religion for selfish, secular, or ideological ends such as the abuse of a clerical position. Wikipedia

This is what Wikipedia says about the definition of Spiritual Abuse. I experienced Spiritual Abuse in my marriage for 19 years. I had no idea what it was I only know how it felt each time it happened. How can anyone decide it’s ok to tell you or anyone what you are doing wrong in your life. Nobody has that right to tell you that. What made it worse was being told God told me to tell you this…. This past weekend a gal reached out to a bible study group I’m involved in. A pastor she knows wrote her an email about her life and her boyfriend’s. He judged them both so much and said because of how he saw their lives that they were never saved and that her boyfriend never went to heaven when he died. This person was devestated because they both had a relationship with God and this shattered her world. She was left totally devestated not only for her loss of her boyfriend but for her faith as well. She felt defeated and now really lost.

I read the pastor’s email. He’s been a Pastor for 45 years and his words were so harsh and to me that’s not the God I know. He talked about how you can’t sin and be saved. Really because we all sin. I was angry that he told her that and how many other people has he counselled the same stuff. I was able to share my story with her admit living with a man who used Spiritual abuse for his gain and I often would think how is it that God tells you to condemn others when you need to take the plank out of your own eye. He’s not in my life anymore but he still counsels people in what they are doing wrong in their lives. I told her to look at her own heart what did she feel. She told me that she has a relationship with God. Then I told her to stand on what she believes because nobody can take that away from you.

We all are held accountable to God and He knows our hearts. This pastor is so wrong in his thinking. This poor woman was so discouraged and told us tonight that she didn’t know what would have happened if I had not intervened on Sunday. I’m so glad she was willing to listen. No wonder people run from what they think God may be from what someone has misled them to believe. Words hurt no matter who tells you them. People like this just continue ripping people to shreds saying that God told them to tell you that.

God’s words in His scriptures are our truths. Don’t let anybody tell you that your not God enough or that your not saved or someone you love is not going to heaven. Be wise and seek out counsel from people you trust. Watch out for false prophets they come when you least expect it. They deceive you and make you think you are the worst person in the world and that your so bad unless you do what they ask.

Like I’ve said before abuse comes in all forms and each one is so damaging as the next one. It’s taken me years to get over this part of my life. It’s hard for me to talk about but I’m so glad God used my testimony to help this woman on Sunday. She is loved and God has always been right beside her and now even more in her grief. ❤️

Summer time

I absolutely love the summer time. It’s a time to hang out with some of my favorite people. It’s time to go on road trips, swimming, kayaking with my favorite gals. It’s time for BBQ ‘s or as my American friends say grilling time. Since the pandemic I’ve not been to Central Oregon it’s up in the high desert. It’s my home away from home. It’s hot there in the summer. 🔥 My joints love the heat. I love the sun and the longer days and nights. It’s ok I didn’t go to Oregon this year. I was thinking Christmas time but most likely it will be next summer. Then I can volunteer.

This year I felt I was supposed to stay home this summer. I’m hanging out with the best kid. We have so much fun together and I forgot how much we laugh. My family needed me to help with my dad. He’s got dementia. My aunt is here from France so I’m glad to be able to visit. I must be relaxed this summer because my dentist told me a couple of weeks ago that I can only come to the dentist in the summer. Ha ha I must be intense during the school year. I got to go on my favorite road trip with my favorite gals. We’ve not done it before the pendemic. I thought I only had this summer with one of my good friends and then after our road trip the best news ever was her cancer is only two tiny spots in her lungs. God has healed her. She then told us she had been given 4 months to live. Now she’s been given years to live. Don’t ever unestimate the power of prayer. 🙏

Never ever take your days for granted. I love that God has done this for her and especially her girls. I love this woman.❤️ I see lots of my friends going away and I love watching all the places they go to and I’m so glad I got to be home here this summer. Two weekends ago I got to see one of my friends who lives in Ontario she was out here for a death in her family. She’s a gal who is in my life group which is part of the big Mega church Life Church. This gal is the only one I’ve met the rest of them I only know online but they have become my family. I love all the people God has put in my life. I’m really lucky. It’s fitting because God has given me a huge heart for both people and children. Oh and I love animals as well. I always wear shirts that say LIFE IS GOOD. Life is good. 🌞

When no means no

How many times have we told our children that when we say no it means no. We teach these same principles to the children at school. It is taught at a young age. How many times have we said no and it’s ignored and we may have been taken advantage of. Why do people think it’s ok to ignore when someone says no or stop. What gives someone that right to totally ignore the words. This topic makes me so angry and how many times as a child I said no and nobody cared to listen. Why??? They just continued on with their adjenda. I was abused by many and it didn’t matter how much I said no or stop did it stop.

Recently I had an encounter with an individual who was in my face about something simple and they freaked out at me swearing and cussing me. I asked them to stop and they just ignored me. I asked about 3 times and they continued on freaking out at me. Even when I was in tears they continued and another person had to stand up and say stop but it took another 4 tries before it stopped. To me this is what bullies do. I have zero tolerance for this behavior even if it’s someone in your family. I don’t care who you are. I hate conflict but I now have to set clear boundaries with this individual and that if it happens again I will not be in the same room with this person or even around them.

Do people feel power from doing this to others? So many people I know have experienced the same thing. Why do people bully others? At school there is zero tolerance for bullying. I love that because it protects our children. I was bullied so much in school and then in my home. Something I noticed in my home growing up was my siblings would pick on me and be nasty to me but that was what was modelled in my home. When you grow up and leave that environment then you can choice not to continue that behaviour. Since this happened to me it’s bothered me so much that I felt I was supposed to speak out about it. I hope that people in your lives listen to you and your children when you say no.

5 years of sobriety

I’m coming up to five years of sobriety from addiction. Wow I never imagined I would ever be free from it but with lots of tools in my toolbox and great accountability I’ve made it. My sobriety date is August 8th which is next Monday. Sobriety is all about choosing what I need to do and if I get triggered then I reach out to people, I love listening to my favorite music, get out and do something different, blog, read God’s word and pray. I’ve learned recently that tapping is a great way to relieve stress.

Many of my friends already know how God showed me how to break free of my addiction. I had been trapped in it for a long time. No matter how hard I tried I always fell back into the grip of it. Addiction makes you feel so low and full of shame and I hated myself everytime it happened. God showed me brushing my teeth one day that the root to my addiction was the hatred I carried in my heart. He was right I hated my dad and stepmom for how they treated me as a child. I hated them for not sticking up for me and beating me and locking me in my bedroom. I wanted them both to suffer like I had. My heart was black from the hate and everytime I hated them I fell in addiction and it was a vicious cycle.

How do you break from that? I had no idea how. I had an opportunity to go to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch at Christmas time. I was fed up of my marriage and my family and I needed some time away and so I headed to the high desert. I stayed with my good friend and her husband. I also connected with other friends I know there one of them being Kim she’s one of the founders of the ranch. I love this woman. Our friendship has grown over the years and she loves God more then anybody I know. For our meeting we walked in the wilderness through the sage bushes and when it should be covered in snow the trail was covered in dust and the sun beamed down on both of us. It felt so good on our faces. I live at sea level so walking high up in the desert is hard on my lungs we walked and talked and then I couldn’t walk any more as my head was pounding. We stopped to pray in amongst the dust and the Sage bushes.

I told Kim what God had told me brushing my teeth about freedom from addiction. I told her where was God when I was curled up on the floor in my room calling out to someone to help me. It’s funny I don’t remember much of my childhood but I do remember that day. I had been beaten again and locked back into my room. I cried and cried so much. Kim said to me describe my bedroom. I did and I said I was alone in the room and lonely. The room was dark and I sat on the floor with my head in my lap crying. She asked me to look again and that I was not alone. I looked and right behind me was Jesus. He had His hand in my shoulders and it was light behind me. I cried so much because I always thought I was alone but now I knew that God had been with me every step of the way. How else do you survive all that abuse? Jesus had stood with me and when I could stand no longer he picked me up and carried me.

What a realization that was and I prayed and forgave my dad and stepmom for all the things that they had done to me as a child. How they never protected me and all the things that had happened. I cried so much the tears just coming. All that pain I had carried for all those years. All that hate it poured out and was washed away. I had forgotten I was out with Kim because I felt it was just God and I out in the wilderness. I stood up and I felt so much lighter, my pounding headache was gone and my breathing was great and I felt really happy.

For me the test would be when I went home would I be able to stay sober. Guess what it’s now almost 5 years and I never went back into addiction. The root of the addiction had been broken and occasionally I will pray for my dad and stepmom. I no longer feel that hate in my heart. God has given me a huge heart for others. I feel the pain people feel and I understand when people are hurting especially children at risk. That pain was turned into love and my love is given to each person I meet. Not only that I understand why people are caught in addiction and how hard it is to get free from it. From that day forward I’m so glad that I have an amazing support system. Sharing our stories is another part of sobriety because maybe someone out there needs to know there is hope. There is always hope. It may not seen like it sometimes but God is with us no matter what we have done. That love goes a long way. ❤️