Author: walking in freedom

Last Thursday one of my neighbors gave me this beautiful bouquet of flowers. She was going away and wanted to bless me with them. They are beautiful and the photo fails to show you that the roses and all the flowers are purple. One of my favorite colors. I was feeling a bit low that day so then I felt loved and very blessed by that.

I believe that when one door closes another one opens and it can be even better then the door that just closed. Change can be hard but in change you can learn new things. As I’ve said before without positive people in my life, I would never be where I am today. You need a support system. You need people to give you hope, encouragement and help you move forward. Life can be tough enough so having people in your court is so important.

Recently I added a new person into my life to help me work on things in my life that I need help with. When I feel stuck she’s there to help me get unstuck. She helps motivate me and I love how she encourages me. Since my best friend passed away, I’ve had a really hard time going to church. I feel I’m supposed to go. This new person said to me recently. You know church can be the social things you do with the church. It’s about gathering with like minded people. Well I never thought about that before. I listen to lots of sermons online and have an online church group. I connect with people all the time but not necessarily in a church building.

This Sunday I did go to my church and the pastor was talking about people being gathered together in a community. I really enjoyed church. I realized church does not have to always be in a building. ” Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there…” “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them”

I’m looking forward to the next part of my journey with another person who will stand in my corner. I’ve been blessed with amazing people who have helped me in my journey called life.  So when things seem really overwhelmed, I need to think about all the people who have stood by me and supported and encouraged me. The list is long. You all know who you are. A big shout out to all of you. Thank you for helping shape me into who I am today . I am truly blessed.

I love how God works in our lives. He’s been giving me the same words over and over again in His word, or through people I know. I see it and I love it. Perseverance never giving up and having Faith. I love that we are all working on our races, so that we can finish. In order to do this we need to commit to what we want to do. Find your motivation. Bring your best. 2 Timothy says” I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”

No matter what happens stay in the race. Acts 20:24 says ” However I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race, and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me. The task of testifying the good news of God’s grace. ” It will get hard but there is nothing that you can’t do without the Lord at the centre of your life .

Many of you know that I work with a Boy who has a brain injury. I’ve known him since he was two and a half and he’s now 10. I love this boy so much and I love that I get to spend my summer with him. I love the relationship we have where we can laugh about crazy things.

When things are hard and I want to give up, I think of this boy there is nothing that he can’t do. He was not supposed to be able to walk, talk and do all the things he’s done in his life. I watched this boy learn to talk and have a video of the first time he said my name. I’ve watched him learn how to ride a two wheeler like children his age. Learn to swim, and I have watched him play all kinds of sports his latest is baseball.

One of the greatest things is from the moment I met him and his family, I prayed for them often. G now has a relationship with Jesus him and his dad. We go places and he sings out loud in the back of the car songs about the Lord. He knows all the worship songs and now he plays his drums to the music. I love that.

When things were hard he have to work extra hard to be able to do them, but he never gave up and he’s got the most amazing story , of where he was to who he is today. This boy is a miracle and God uses him everyday. So never forgot that God uses everyone. Finish the race and keep the Faith.

God’s timing is everything in your life. Recently He closed one door a door that I had hoped would happen I could almost taste it. It’s been on my heart since I walked down the driveway having no idea what the last five years would bring. I was given an amazing opportunity this summer but even though I was excited for it, I recently couldn’t see myself there. I had no idea why. This morning I woke up and felt surreal peace and knew that I was not supposed to go to the ranch.

Those of you who know me know I love this place it’s my happy place. It’s my second home and even though I want to go do badly, many things have come up and made me realize that it’s not the right timing. I’m sad yes but I do know when one door closes that another one opens. Not sure how it can be better but I do know that I need to be here. I’m going to spend time with my friends.

During school I never see my close friends much. I need to spend much needed time with them. I love that I can do that. The ranch will be there next year and years after. As we get older we need to treasure those that are in our lives. A family member needs me as well so my summer I will be here. This morning driving my dog to daycare I saw a bald eagle. God sending me a message it’s going to be ok. I love that and the lovely message I got from my friend. Busy what I needed to hear.

It’s hard when there is a big separation between my friends in Oregon and I. I wish they lived closer to hang out and have those special chats and catch up. In heaven we will visit all the time.

So even though I wanted to go so much it’s all in God’s timing and hopefully next year I will get there. I also want to be in a better place financially.

I look forward to what is here for me this summer. It’s the place I need to be in. I look forward what is next here. ❤️

Hard to believe another year of school has come and gone. This year was really great. The children in our class were great and the teacher I worked with was awesome. The families were really great as well and they came in field trips with us. One of the families came in every week and read stories about their culture and brought in their family members and I learned so many things about dog sledding and mushing. I loved her stories that she came and shared with us.

I love how much fun we had in our class. Every two weeks we would go to the forest that’s down near our school. The afternoon in the forest is just what we all need. The Forest becomes your classroom. The children would always look into the water at the creek and everytime we went they would say hey look at the crocodiles . Not fish, not ducks crocodiles. Then they would get to play in our play place. They always made forts and kindergarteners all have their own idea how to build one. The adults who came would help them.

One of the biggest hits is a long log that they pile on and one kid sits on the end and bounces all the children. They love it and all take turns to bounce their friends. Kids pretend to make fires to roast their marshmallows. I love hearing them laughing and working together. It’s a place they never want to leave. Until the next time they go.

I love the field trips we took to see the salmon and to the nature house at the lake. For months later they talked about where we had gone. Such fun and another great time to learn about the nature around us.

These children had the best imaginations and I loved watching them play. Play was a huge part of our day. Yes you can learn through play. The boys loved a board game called Frogger. They were very competitive. Good thing I wasn’t but when i got a frog they all cheered. Sometimes one of the children or more weren’t winning so I started to ask them did they not wear their lucky socks today. They would show me their socks and say they had them on. The power of distraction is amazing. These kids loved board games, puzzles, coloring and making the coolest things with paper. We had a very creative group.

They often would help each other if someone didn’t know how to do something. The children would praise them when they got it. It was beautiful to watch.

I’m sad that this year ended but for me it was my best year working in kindergarten. My teacher was amazing a teacher every child should have. I loved how she built up the children and showed them how much they were loved.

I was given this picture from a family and it’s called”Mama Bird” the mom of the family said that I was like the”mama bird” I made sure that the children were always looked after. I love that yes I get to watch out over them all.

I will miss those that are moving away and the rest I will get to see as they transition into grade 1 so that’s good. I love my hugs from former students. The best thing is I get to work with the same teacher next year. We make a good team and I felt that so much this year. ❤️

Happy Father’s Day to the only dad one known in my life. I’ve written about him before. He’s the best and no matter where he is in his life, I love him so very much. Yesterday I wrote about being behind in English and having to work harder then anybody else. My dad he helped me write all my English essays. He never gave up believing that I would become who I wanted to be in my life .

B is not my dad from birth but we all know that you don’t have to be a blood relative to be a father. I always dreamed of having a dad who loved me for who I am. Who protected me when I needed protection. He took in two children that he didn’t even know and helped shaped us who we are today. He was always there and had the best advice when you needed it.

As years went on he developed dementia and I treasure the times I spent with him helping my mom with respite care. We bonded even more and had fun together. Even now yes he doesn’t remember my name but his face lights up and gives me the biggest hugs. The toughest thing for me and my family is watching dementia take a man who ran a crew of people and managed all the food at BC Ferries by himself.

Thank you for being the dad a girl could dream of. You are one of the best parts of my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Know that no matter what is happening in your life that your are loved so much by my brother and I and your family . I’m lucky to have found this amazing man. Happy Father’s Day B. ❤️

Been at home all week sick. When your sick you have lots of downtime while your resting. I started watching Real life movies on Netflix. I watched one each day and I love real life stories because they are inspiring to me. A theme I saw in almost all of them was that they would never amount to much in their lives. Each person had a dream that seemed so out of reach. Something that no ordinary person was going to achieve.

I watched them work over and above to reach their goals never giving up no matter how hard it was. Working harder then anybody else. Day and night practicing. Living and breathing what they wanted to do. A lot of their families thinking they were totally nuts. Some families giving up their lives to help them reach those goals. Believing in them no matter what.

Determination and never giving up no matter what, even if your told you can’t do it. Believing in yourself. I saw myself in many of these people. I may not be famous like these people are but I was one of those people who strived to be who I wanted to be in life.

I was told many times by many people that I would amount to nothing including teachers at school. I was stupid. Those words hurt and you grow up thinking your a failure. Your not good enough so why bother trying. I never tried in school in Ireland. If I stupid then why bother trying.

When I moved from Ireland to Canada I was stuck in that mentality. I realized after a lot of hard work failing over and over again that I was not stupid. My brain had never been challenged so I had no idea that it just needed to work like it’s supposed to do.

I was at grade 4 level in English and lower in Math. I went to a place after school every day to learn how to catch up with my peers. It was hard times when I leaned to quit. I’m 3 years I came up to college level in English.

I wanted to work with children but I needed to pass my English to get into the program. I failed from high school to college. So I waited a year and took it again. I passed and took my psychology course 2x as well. I got a tutor who helped me pass my course.

In my Early Childhood Education program I managed to do my course work but I could not pass my first practicum. I watched my class graduate without me. I was devastated. I worked a year out in the field and came back and took my practicum again and passed with flying colors.

Even though it was so hard for me to watch my class graduate without me, it was the best thing for me because I have been able to do things and been given opportunities that most people never have had. My teachers at school heard my story and they rallied around me whatever I needed they were there. They had faith in me. When I graduated there was a standing ovation.

I had a chance to go to school in Ottawa and get my diploma. I had opportunities that no other student has ever been given. I was able to work on pilot projects and one of the placements I had was at a head start program. That was a really tough place to be , but I had an instructor who told me that the time those children come to the preschool you make it the best time. I never forgot that. It shaped me into who I am today.

Each one of the people in those real life stories they worked over and above and become the person they had dreamed of becoming. How inspiring is that. Never ever give up on your dreams. They can come true. It takes determination, dedication, belief and finding people who believe the same things you do. So next time you’re told you won’t amount to anything, remember that’s a lie and you can reach the stars.⭐🌟

I always thought I was forgotten by my dad in Ireland. I moved away from my family in 1985. They were the only family I knew growing up. If you’ve read my memoirs they are in my blog you know that growing up my brother and I was hell. For years I had questions about how and why my dad and step mom treated us the way they did. I will never know and I’m fine with that. I know who I have become despite what I experienced. Both my brother and I have overcome amazing odds. That is truly a miracle.

It used to bother me so much seeing photos of my family in Ireland and how great a person my dad is. People look up to him and love his art. He’s a very popular artist. I guess he used his pain to draw and paint beautiful things. I saw his art as an escape that he loved more than me. He drew and painted lots and ignored his family. He got trapped in generational abuse. They say that abuse will continue in your family. I love that my brother and I were able to break that and that abuse stopped. Some people believe that if your abused then you will abuse your children or those around you. Now I know that’s not true.

Those photos of my family celebrating life but it’s missing two children. I thought I was forgotten because I moved away and chose to stay away. It hurt because how can you forget your children. I always wanted people to know who my dad and step mom where and the secret that they carried. Forgiveness stopped all of that and I don’t feel that anymore. I don’t know why they did what they did to my brother to I . I don’t need to know.

Monday was birthday and my dad sent me a really cute video of a baby Robin he was feeding and wished me Happy birthday. I realized that I am not forgotten no matter how far away I live. I have been wished Merry Christmas, Happy New year. I get letters and art he’s drawn. He obviously has never forgotten who I am. I’m glad that gives me peace of mind as I get older.

I know things happen for reasons. So many things we just don’t understand but you know what we don’t have to know that. I know what I’m doing right now and how I’m living my life. I’m supposed to be here right where I am. I love that about life the mystery and not to take anything for granted.

Make your life the fullest it can be. We only get to live it once. How are you living your life?

Remember when we were young and we thought 55 was really old. Now it’s just a number that we don’t think much of. It’s funny the kids in my class yesterday told me that I just turned 95, 85, or 65. Obviously to them I’m old. You know your only as old as you feel .

I was reflecting today of the last 55 years and realized that I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Some I had no control over but so much that I did have control over. I’ve lived a life that most would never want to live, but I also know the hardships made me into the strong woman I am today. It’s given me a massive heart for those who are hurting and compassion for those who have suffered trauma. It’s helped me be a person that children trust. It’s given me huge insight into why children act the way they do.

As I’ve said before it’s like looking in the mirror and seeing what I saw as a child. I could not have done any of this without the Lord in my life. He’s the one who is my protector who looks after me no matter what. I think of how hard I had to work to get what I wanted in my life. I never gave up, no matter how hard it was. I love how even now God sends me Bald Eagles to let me know that it’s ok and that He is there.

I think of all the people who have come and gone in my life. Some were really hard to let go of like the siblings I have in England and Ireland. Lies separated us those are hard to deal with. Two of siblings I have some contact with and occasionally with my dad. Forgiveness was massive with all of that and that’s what helped me stop addiction in my life. That was the missing link.

Other relationships that have come and gone there’s a plan in all of it even if we don’t understand it. I’m really happy I’m my life learning who I am and how I fit in the world. I love the person I’ve become in Christ. I love what He teaches me everyday and because of Him I have had lasting relationships. Some of friends have been in my life for a very long time. I value these friendships. Some of friends went home to be with the Lord. Those have been hard losses but happy I will see them again in heaven.

I have a wonderful family some are close and others further away but all very important in my life. Family is really important because not having it growing up makes you appreciate it more.

I have met some amazing people and my second home is in Bend, Oregon. When I step off the plane I feel at home with huge peace in my life. That’s my happy place. So throughout my 55 years I am humbled and blessed and wouldn’t change a thing.

Thank you to all those who support me. Those who know me and those I’ve met in the blogging world. I’m wondering when you read my blog and if you like it, can you like it please. That way more people will be able to come and read what I write. I write to help others to know that no matter where you come from in life that there’s nothing that you can’t do. To many more years.❤️

No matter what we go through in our lives. God is always enough for us. God has been in life for so long that I have no idea what is like to not have Him there. A couple of weekends ago I was hanging out with a family member and they are in lots of pain and it’s hard to function in life. They told me that life was not worth living. I was really surprised that, that is how they were feeling. I realized later driving home that if you don’t have Christ in your life. What do you have to look forward to? Where do you have Hope in your life? You obviously have nothing. That’s really sad.

I love how God provides for all our needs. He even looks after the birds and the animals. Scripture: but He said to me ,”My grace is sufficient for you, For my power is made perfect in weakness,” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, to insults, in hardships, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

‘Do not fear [anything], for I am with you;
Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’(Isaiah 41:10 )

I love that no matter what we walk thorough in life that God is with us. I love how last week God showed me through a massive bald eagle over my home that He is there and He’s got this no matter what. All I have to be is Obedient to Him and do what He asks of me. I have a shirt that says Pray, Listen and Do.

God never promised it would a bed of roses and that through hardship is when we learn. I realized that there is always someone who has it tougher than I do, so I set my eyes on Him and do the best I can in this life .

I count my blessings everyday there is something to be thankful for. I remember the promises God has shown us in His word. There is nothing that He can’t do. Reach out to the Lord. He’s always working on our lives even if we can’t see it.

I was 14 years old when I first met my mom. I was with her until I was almost 2 but who can remember that. I was on a plane with my brother coming to visit our mom. I had not seen her in 12 years. My brother he remembered her as he was five and a half when we left. I had dreamed many times what was my mom like. My dad had told me things about her which I now know were untrue , but you have to justify why you would take your kids from their mom.

Life somehow had to better then what we were coming from. I had so many questions. We fly into Vancouver airport and finally get through customs. That seemed to take forever. I was glad my brother was with me. So those questions. I will never forget the doors opening at the airport and this woman coming running over and hugging my brother and I just stood there feeling very overwhelmed. Lots of tears from my mom, then she came over and hugged me. I felt nothing this woman was a complete stranger to me.

To my mom’s side was a very tall man which was her husband. He smiled and had very kind eyes. We got into their car and drove to the ferry. My mom’s husband he worked for the ferries so everyone in the boat knew him. We went into the cafeteria and B asked me if I wanted gravy with my fries. What the heck was that? I only knew about ketchup and chips. The ferry ride was beautiful but I was completely exhausted. We got back to their home and I had a room off the study. That would be my space for three weeks.

During the night I was awake with asthma and by morning I was really bad so my mom took me to the clinic. My mom and the doctor were horrified to hear that I was given zero medicine and that I had to wheeze it out. The whole trip triggered it and after getting medication wow I finally could breathe properly. We came at Christmas time and all my mom’s friends wanted to meet us and B’s mom and dad and I realized I had so many people who loved me even though I had no idea who they all were.

It was so weird having a mom who was kind and brought me things and wanted to get to know who I was. I would just call her by her name. One of the hardest things is to get to know someone you have nothing in common with and even though she was my mom she was a complete stranger to me. The three weeks I was there it was nice to feel safe. The space I was given was very overwhelming to me and that I was allowed to eat whenever I wanted or be out of my bedroom and actually be a normal person. Another foreign thing and nobody wanted to hit me or yell at me.

I didn’t want my time to end and it was so hard to leave this family and get back on a plane until the next time.

Eventually I moved to Canada in 1985 with my one small suitcase. The rest is in my memoirs that are in my blog if you’ve not read them.

Today at lunch my mom told me I’ve been here for forty years. I’ve known my mom now for forty two years . I’m so glad that we have an awesome relationship now. It’s taken a long time to get here. I have a true family here and the best stepdad one could ever imagine. Family is not always perfect but I’m so glad this story has a happy ending.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. ❤️