Author: walking in freedom

I read recently that when you can’t sleep at night to get up and get down on your knees and pray to the Lord for peace. I love that because when I can’t sleep I tend to stay in bed and pray from there.    ” I’ve discovered the best thing I can do when I can’t seem to let go of thinking about a particular problem, conversation, or criticism, is to get out of bed, get down on my knees, and cry out to God: “Please help me through this. Help me focus on You alone.”

There is something very powerful about getting down on your knees and praying to the Lord. I was just thinking you need to have good knees to do this. I think about all the good things the Lord has done for me in my life, the provisions and his protection. Thinking about the Lord brings me much peace especially when I have a worry about something.

I feel much peace when I lay in bed and think about my favorite place in the world. It’s my home away from home. I imagine walking all around the ranch and can stop at each place in my mind and think of how this place makes me feel. I’m at complete peace as soon as I get into the road the ranch is on. Stepping out of the car into the dusty parking lot. I can see it all. I love walking in my mind around the ranch. It makes me smile as I remember each part. My favorite place is called https://crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/about/our-four-pillars/

Another thing that I get amazing peace from are bald eagles. When I see them I feel surreal peace in my heart and know that everything is going to be all right. God sends them just at the right time. I love that so much.

Friend, no matter where you are at any given time, Jesus is the source of your contentment. See the Lord walking with you in peace. Sense His presence. Become aware of His awesome power and authority over your life. When by faith you enter into a personal relationship with Christ, living with the assurance of His presence and provision in your life, I promise you will experience true peace. It’s nothing like you ever could imagine.

” The Lord himself  goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”. Philippians 4:6-7

 ” I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”.  John 14:27

There are so many amazing verses in the Bible about peace. Next time your feeling anxiety, fear or having a tough time. Reach out to the Lord and tell him what is bothering you and think about a place that brings you much peace. The ranch I feel JESUS all around it that’s why I feel surreal peace there. ✝️

Yesterday I was triggered at school out of the blue feelings that I’ve not had in a very long time appeared. Yesterday was icecream day at school. You could order icecream and then enjoy it with your class. The children whose families did not purchase icecream for popsicles so every child had something. Everyone was eating their treats and I had nothing . I just chatted with the kids as they were all so happy. My teacher had ordered something and then she asked me oh did you not get anything.

All of a sudden I could feel tears emerging and it brought me back to when I was a young kid when my family got things and I didn’t get anything. Or when I was at school and the children for things and I didn’t and I was left out. I moved away from my teachers view and just chatted with the kids. Later another teacher came up and did give me a popsicle.

I went home and was thinking about what had happened and tears came again and I realized that this obviously was a hurt in my life that needed to be recognized. It’s amazing that even after all those years things like that can still bother me. I was kind to myself and reminded myself that I wasn’t in that place anymore but still validated how I was feeling.

Now I know how kids feel when they get left out for some reason. That hurt is real. ❤️

One of my friends she’s been in my life for a long time until recently. I thought I could just accept that we are not friends anymore. I have tried and tried to tell myself that we won’t get back to how our friendship used to be. I can’t seem to move on. I miss our chats, texts our coffee dates. I miss just catching up and seeing her. It doesn’t seem to get easier in fact some days is really hard. I miss laughing with her and her company.

I drive by her place or I see something that reminds me of her. We have a past and now looks like no future. I’ve appolozied for letting her down and her not being able to trust me. When she told me that my heart broke because never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine hurting her. It has put a wedge in our friendship and I don’t know how to make it right.

A long time ago one of my friends who I had known for a long time left my life. I was devestated. She was gone from my life for 10 years. We would see each other in passing and it was awkward and she was hurt. Another friend told me Sarah this person needs time. Time heals all things. I remember thinking oh sure that will never ever happen.

My best friend Wendy years before she passed away we got together with this friend I had fallen out with and another gal and we hung out and slowly that trust started to happen and over time the 4 of us hung out all the time. Now my friendship with this woman is stronger then it’s ever been. In fact I gained a new friend whom I adore her and her family. God gave me back one and I gained another.

So I pray that this person heals from the hurt I have caused and that in time she too will come back into my life. R, I miss you very much. I’m reminded of things we have done together and conversations we have had. I’m reminded about the fun trips we took together and how you have the most amazing gift of seeing how things come together in people.

I’m reminded everyday how life is short and we need to hold onto the things that are important to us everyday. I found a book today while I was cleaning a book of gratitude. It’s one I wrote years ago and inside the first thing I wrote in this book was R how grateful I am of her. ❤️

A wrote a post on my Facebook about Mother’s. Mother’s come in all shapes and sizes. I don’t have children of my own. I have 3 step children that are amazing adults now. The oldest recently had his first child. A guess that makes me a grandma. Even though those children were not mine by blood I loved them so much. They moved away with their mom when they were still young but I stayed connected with them and two of them are in my life now.

I do respite care for a boy that one known since he was 2 and a half and I tell people that he’s the child I never had. I love him so much and he’s still in my life. He’s an amazing boy that I’ve written about before in my blogs. I got to spend the evening before Mother’s Day with him. Every time I’m around him he brings such joy to my heart. He feels the exact same way about me. I’ve been there and seen so many of his milestones.

There are many children at my school that I mentor and they still come and hug me out in the playground. I love my job at school it’s so rewarding and yes it can be tough as well but God has given me a gift to reach those that are hard to reach or just need someone to let them know how great they are or how proud of them you are. Those words are powerful.

I’ve been so blessed to have so many children around me my entire life. I wouldn’t change that for anything. It’s been the greatest gift.

I feel I’m in a season of grief right now. On Monday a gal I have known for a couple of years passed away from cancer. 9 months ago she was diagnosed with lymphoma and had pre cancer in her breast, her rib and her stomach. She and I used to message each other often and she would always update me on what was happening. I met my friend through my business she was on our team. What I loved about T was she always was so positive and I remember her telling me that she was going to beat this.

She started her chemo and even got to ring the bell for her final chemo. A week after her chemo she experienced really bad headaches and was taken to the hospital. After further testing they discovered that the cancer has spread and now was in her brain. The tumors grew quickly and the pain was so unbearable. Two weeks ago she was admitted into the hospital and last week woke up and demanded they take out her tube and she wanted another opinion.

They took out the tube and she went unconscious and never woke up again. She died peacefully Monday morning. T was an amazing woman that always was smiling and loved her family so much. She always was encouraging others and had the best attitude about everything even when things were hard for her. I always looked forward to seeing her in our zoom meetings and how much I learned from her.

This reminded me of when my best friend died. It brought up similar feelings. One of the nights I found out she was so sick I prayed a lot and into the night because I couldn’t sleep. I asked God why He takes those we love. Even though I know His ways are the best and He knows what we need. T was so young and had a young family.

I never understood why my best friend died two years. I’ve never been the same. I know I will see her again that is what helps and that now both her and T are now healed. I guess when it’s your time to go it’s your time.

Cancer is so different and it changes your entire family. I know people whose children are going through this now and doing well. For that I’m so thankful for. It’s just something I never have understood. I may need understand that but I’m so glad that now they are healed in heaven.

I’m still grieving my dad so as I said I’m obviously in a season of grief. Some days are harder than others. I’ve been trying to live each day to the fullest and not take anything for granted because life can be short.