Even when things are difficult here and I’ve given them to God everyday, at 3am I seen to take them back from the Lord. I realized this week that instead of worrying about things I can’t change. Maybe I should put my efforts into something else. I started doing a study on Gratitude and I realized that everyday I need to start writing down what I’m grateful for.
“For everything God created is good, and nothing is too be rejected, if it is received with Thanksgiving; because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.”
1 Tim 4:4-5
I love that every good thing is a gift from God. Something that I never want to take for granted. It’s a very humbling thing to know that God delights in us with his gifts.
Life as we know it, is full of ups and downs and how are we going to deal with them. God has always provided for me and as soon as I shifted my mindset to gratitude, I realized that I’m so blessed with many things in my life.
Today I thanked God for providing me with food and clothing and a roof over my head. For community I have lots of it all around me. For the opportunity to sit and read the word and worship. Many people I know have health issues, I thanked him for my health. Thank you Lord for the sun this morning and the rain. For the quiet mornings to be able to hear the birds outside my window.
When you put all of this into perspective then I realized that I don’t need to worry about things I can’t control. Blessings are all around us everyday we just need to stop and look at them and think about our lives. I’m so glad that I can be grateful everyday and I want to continue this. It’s an amazing way to start our days .
What are your grateful for today, even if your having a tough day? Next time you feel like your world is too hard or tough think about what you have to be grateful for. ❤️
Yesterday I celebrated 7 years of sobriety. For a long time no matter what I did I could not keep my sobriety. I had no idea why. Something would happen and I would find myself back in addiction again. It was so frustrating and the shame I felt from relapses was horrible. Shame is horrible because it makes you feel like your no good and that maybe you deserve what is happening to you. I used to think that well my dad used to tell me that I was stupid and that I would never amount to anything. So now this must be true because I can’t break the cycle of this.
I would pray and beg God to take this away but it would never stay for me. I hated myself so much. I also felt like I had a black heart because I hated my dad and Step mom for all the abuse and how they treated my brother and I . I wished they would just die.
One day I was brushing teeth and I felt God tell me that my heart was black and that’s why I was caught in the cycle of addiction. That was the root of it. Really God because I had no idea how to get out of this. I was filled with hate and if I didn’t get past this, then I would not succeed in sobriety.
I was visiting my good friend, her and her husband own a ranch in Oregon. They rescue horses and team them up with children. It’s my home away from home. It was during Christmas that I went to visit. I needed time away. My friend and I went for a walk. She calls it the wilderness. At Christmas it is often very cold and snowy. This day it was really nice and sunny. The sun beat down on our faces and it was quite warm. We were in the high desert so it’s a higher altitude then what I’m used to. I live at sea level. I started to get a headache. We stopped and knelt in the sand surrounded by Sage bushes.
My friend started praying and I asked God where was He when I was growing up. As a child I called out to Him but he never came. Why??? My friend asked me what I was seeing and I was back in my bedroom. Crying because I was not allowed out. The room was dark and I was alone and shared. She asked me what else I saw , at first I saw nothing then I saw a light. She asked me where it was and I realized it was behind me. Then I saw the Lord He was holding me. So everytime I called out to Him as a child He was with me.
Even now thinking about that tears me up. I was not alone. That’s how I survived because the Lord was with me. Then my friend prayed and asked me to look at my dad and stepmom and that I needed to forgive them for what they had done to me. My heart had softened because now I knew I was not alone. I love how God works in our hearts.
I prayed and asked God for the strength to forgive them because I had held hate in my heart for so long. Then the tears came and I felt like they never would stop. I forgave then for everything for all the abuse, how they talked to me, all the times they hurt me or left me alone so I was hurt by others. Everything came out. I had forgotten I was kneeling in the dust. When I was done I got up and I felt a whole lot lighter. My friend said I was like a new person. For the first time in a very long time my heart felt lighter. It was not dark or filled with hate.
Ever since that day 7 years ago my life has been different. I no longer feel that hate and I have reached out to my family and I communicate with some of them. I sometimes even pray for them. When those chains were broken then so were the chains of addiction. I’ve been free ever since. God is good so good. I now feel love in my heart and God’s given me a huge passion for others especially children who have gone through similar things that I have.
If your stuck in addiction or something you don’t want to do anymore. I would pray and ask God what are the chains that tie you to this thing. Find out the root cause. You don’t have to suffer in silence. Find someone you trust to help you. Isn’t it time to start living your best life. You are loved so much even if you don’t think you are. ❤️
This evening I listened to a podcast about two people talking about mental health. One of them has bi polar and he was talking about his highs and lows in his life. Mental health still has such a stigma behind it. It’s like your not ok if you struggle with anything. They talked about how even in the very low times of his life that he never gave up, even though he felt he was no good to his family. The other guy was saying that no matter how hard it was for him in his life, how he found hope.
I loved that the man who was talking prayed before he was going to slit his wrists. After he prayed he broke the latch and made it into a cross. I have seen the power of prayer and what it does in others lives. I have seen it in my life when I was at the lowest in my life. If I didn’t have the Lord in my life I wouldn’t be here today. It’s one of the biggest reasons why God is so important to me in my life.
At my lowest He’s been there, He’s protected me, He’s sent people into my life to give me Hope and Encouragement. That’s why I started this blog. There is always Hope no matter how hard it is. The other guy on the blog said that even through your toughest times that you grow and it strengthens you. I agree with that. I love that this guy with his podcast now speaks out about his story and helps others who struggle with mental health.
I really believe our stories in life when we share them being Hope to others. Our testimonials may help someone who is struggling and help them in ways we may never know. Share your story even if it’s tough. There is someone out there who will understand what your going through.
Everyday I try to start my day with gratitude. There is so much to be thankful for.
After having a crazy childhood, I never knew if I wanted children of my own. If I did, I would definitely change how they grew up. I would tell them how proud of them I was, how much I loved them, listen to them, hug them lots and so many more positive things. What builds up a child?
I met a man I married and he had three children who I met many times and instantly loved them. They lived with their mom so I only saw them occasionally. Then they moved away and I got to see the girls as adults. God gave me the biggest heart for each of them. To this day I still reach out to reach out them. I remember their birthdays and celebrate with them in their milestones. Their lives have not been easy but I’ve always been here for them if they need me.
I never had children of my own and I wrestled with that for years. Then one day I felt peace about that. I think of all the children I’ve cared for in so many situations that I could be an example for. I wanted children to know what it is like to laugh and have fun. God’s blessed me with an amazing sense of humor and our children today are quite serious. I love to make them laugh. Humor is a good distraction as well especially if one is anxious in any way.
I have the biggest heart for children especially those who have endured trauma in their lives. I understand them so much. I can pick them out on the playground. Unfortunately they stand out. They often are the ones that get bullied in the playground. They often are by themselves. A lot of them like me get into trouble often and are so misunderstood. We are just trying to fit into a world that is often hard.
For almost my entire life I’ve worked with children and their families. I love it and at times it’s been hard. I’ve been blessed to know many children and I love that I can make a difference in their lives. We all need someone whom we can trust. Someone who understands us, who stands by us no matter what. Know that we are loved. I love that those hard students that you never know if they will ever let you in, come running over to you and hug you. I love that they check in so matter how hard it is. That speaks a thousand words. Love is powerful very powerful. Love changes everything. It’s what changed the outcome of my life.
In September we will have more new students and every year God places that one child in my class. Sometimes it’s like looking in the mirror, but I understand. We will go back to building up that trust. I love that I can make a difference. So not having children of my own is ok because I’ve had that privilege to get to know some amazing children and their families. ❤️
Last Thursday one of my neighbors gave me this beautiful bouquet of flowers. She was going away and wanted to bless me with them. They are beautiful and the photo fails to show you that the roses and all the flowers are purple. One of my favorite colors. I was feeling a bit low that day so then I felt loved and very blessed by that.
I believe that when one door closes another one opens and it can be even better then the door that just closed. Change can be hard but in change you can learn new things. As I’ve said before without positive people in my life, I would never be where I am today. You need a support system. You need people to give you hope, encouragement and help you move forward. Life can be tough enough so having people in your court is so important.
Recently I added a new person into my life to help me work on things in my life that I need help with. When I feel stuck she’s there to help me get unstuck. She helps motivate me and I love how she encourages me. Since my best friend passed away, I’ve had a really hard time going to church. I feel I’m supposed to go. This new person said to me recently. You know church can be the social things you do with the church. It’s about gathering with like minded people. Well I never thought about that before. I listen to lots of sermons online and have an online church group. I connect with people all the time but not necessarily in a church building.
This Sunday I did go to my church and the pastor was talking about people being gathered together in a community. I really enjoyed church. I realized church does not have to always be in a building. ” Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there…” “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them”
I’m looking forward to the next part of my journey with another person who will stand in my corner. I’ve been blessed with amazing people who have helped me in my journey called life. So when things seem really overwhelmed, I need to think about all the people who have stood by me and supported and encouraged me. The list is long. You all know who you are. A big shout out to all of you. Thank you for helping shape me into who I am today . I am truly blessed.
I love how God works in our lives. He’s been giving me the same words over and over again in His word, or through people I know. I see it and I love it. Perseverance never giving up and having Faith. I love that we are all working on our races, so that we can finish. In order to do this we need to commit to what we want to do. Find your motivation. Bring your best. 2 Timothy says” I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”
No matter what happens stay in the race. Acts 20:24 says ” However I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race, and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me. The task of testifying the good news of God’s grace. ” It will get hard but there is nothing that you can’t do without the Lord at the centre of your life .
Many of you know that I work with a Boy who has a brain injury. I’ve known him since he was two and a half and he’s now 10. I love this boy so much and I love that I get to spend my summer with him. I love the relationship we have where we can laugh about crazy things.
When things are hard and I want to give up, I think of this boy there is nothing that he can’t do. He was not supposed to be able to walk, talk and do all the things he’s done in his life. I watched this boy learn to talk and have a video of the first time he said my name. I’ve watched him learn how to ride a two wheeler like children his age. Learn to swim, and I have watched him play all kinds of sports his latest is baseball.
One of the greatest things is from the moment I met him and his family, I prayed for them often. G now has a relationship with Jesus him and his dad. We go places and he sings out loud in the back of the car songs about the Lord. He knows all the worship songs and now he plays his drums to the music. I love that.
When things were hard he have to work extra hard to be able to do them, but he never gave up and he’s got the most amazing story , of where he was to who he is today. This boy is a miracle and God uses him everyday. So never forgot that God uses everyone. Finish the race and keep the Faith.
God’s timing is everything in your life. Recently He closed one door a door that I had hoped would happen I could almost taste it. It’s been on my heart since I walked down the driveway having no idea what the last five years would bring. I was given an amazing opportunity this summer but even though I was excited for it, I recently couldn’t see myself there. I had no idea why. This morning I woke up and felt surreal peace and knew that I was not supposed to go to the ranch.
Those of you who know me know I love this place it’s my happy place. It’s my second home and even though I want to go do badly, many things have come up and made me realize that it’s not the right timing. I’m sad yes but I do know when one door closes that another one opens. Not sure how it can be better but I do know that I need to be here. I’m going to spend time with my friends.
During school I never see my close friends much. I need to spend much needed time with them. I love that I can do that. The ranch will be there next year and years after. As we get older we need to treasure those that are in our lives. A family member needs me as well so my summer I will be here. This morning driving my dog to daycare I saw a bald eagle. God sending me a message it’s going to be ok. I love that and the lovely message I got from my friend. Busy what I needed to hear.
It’s hard when there is a big separation between my friends in Oregon and I. I wish they lived closer to hang out and have those special chats and catch up. In heaven we will visit all the time.
So even though I wanted to go so much it’s all in God’s timing and hopefully next year I will get there. I also want to be in a better place financially.
I look forward to what is here for me this summer. It’s the place I need to be in. I look forward what is next here. ❤️
Hard to believe another year of school has come and gone. This year was really great. The children in our class were great and the teacher I worked with was awesome. The families were really great as well and they came in field trips with us. One of the families came in every week and read stories about their culture and brought in their family members and I learned so many things about dog sledding and mushing. I loved her stories that she came and shared with us.
I love how much fun we had in our class. Every two weeks we would go to the forest that’s down near our school. The afternoon in the forest is just what we all need. The Forest becomes your classroom. The children would always look into the water at the creek and everytime we went they would say hey look at the crocodiles . Not fish, not ducks crocodiles. Then they would get to play in our play place. They always made forts and kindergarteners all have their own idea how to build one. The adults who came would help them.
One of the biggest hits is a long log that they pile on and one kid sits on the end and bounces all the children. They love it and all take turns to bounce their friends. Kids pretend to make fires to roast their marshmallows. I love hearing them laughing and working together. It’s a place they never want to leave. Until the next time they go.
I love the field trips we took to see the salmon and to the nature house at the lake. For months later they talked about where we had gone. Such fun and another great time to learn about the nature around us.
These children had the best imaginations and I loved watching them play. Play was a huge part of our day. Yes you can learn through play. The boys loved a board game called Frogger. They were very competitive. Good thing I wasn’t but when i got a frog they all cheered. Sometimes one of the children or more weren’t winning so I started to ask them did they not wear their lucky socks today. They would show me their socks and say they had them on. The power of distraction is amazing. These kids loved board games, puzzles, coloring and making the coolest things with paper. We had a very creative group.
They often would help each other if someone didn’t know how to do something. The children would praise them when they got it. It was beautiful to watch.
I’m sad that this year ended but for me it was my best year working in kindergarten. My teacher was amazing a teacher every child should have. I loved how she built up the children and showed them how much they were loved.
I was given this picture from a family and it’s called”Mama Bird” the mom of the family said that I was like the”mama bird” I made sure that the children were always looked after. I love that yes I get to watch out over them all.
I will miss those that are moving away and the rest I will get to see as they transition into grade 1 so that’s good. I love my hugs from former students. The best thing is I get to work with the same teacher next year. We make a good team and I felt that so much this year. ❤️
Happy Father’s Day to the only dad one known in my life. I’ve written about him before. He’s the best and no matter where he is in his life, I love him so very much. Yesterday I wrote about being behind in English and having to work harder then anybody else. My dad he helped me write all my English essays. He never gave up believing that I would become who I wanted to be in my life .
B is not my dad from birth but we all know that you don’t have to be a blood relative to be a father. I always dreamed of having a dad who loved me for who I am. Who protected me when I needed protection. He took in two children that he didn’t even know and helped shaped us who we are today. He was always there and had the best advice when you needed it.
As years went on he developed dementia and I treasure the times I spent with him helping my mom with respite care. We bonded even more and had fun together. Even now yes he doesn’t remember my name but his face lights up and gives me the biggest hugs. The toughest thing for me and my family is watching dementia take a man who ran a crew of people and managed all the food at BC Ferries by himself.
Thank you for being the dad a girl could dream of. You are one of the best parts of my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Know that no matter what is happening in your life that your are loved so much by my brother and I and your family . I’m lucky to have found this amazing man. Happy Father’s Day B. ❤️
Beauty from Ashes. 