The only way I could ever think of reconnecting with my past is through true forgiveness in my life. A year ago I did just that with my dad and stepmom. Forgiving them was not giving them a free pass on how horrendous my brother and I were treated as children. That will always be etched in my mind. To be forgiven means I’m freeing myself up from their baggage and bondage and not carrying hate in my heart for the two of them.
Hate is such a strong word but that’s how I felt about them both. Some of you know my past some of you don’t. Abuse of all kinds was huge in my life. I was also very neglected and tossed aside. We had animals that got more care then I did. I had been bitter and angry and dispising them for a long time. I already had gone through alcoholism, sexual addiction and using food as a comfort. At some stage in my life I just got so tried of carrying all that around.
I had lived that life for so long. My friend Kim she’s an incredible wise woman of God had me pray with her in the wilderness a year ago at Christmas. Her and I knelt in the dust with the sun pouring down on our faces and I asked God to forgive me for all the hate I carried in my heart for so many years. I prayed for forgiveness for my dad and stepmom. I prayed for their hearts and souls and that God would use them in some way. I prayed God would send someone into their lives. Since that year I pray for them when I feel led too. It’s once in a while but I feel peace about it. That is a huge miracle in my life. Never before have I ever felt peace with those two people.
As this new year rolled around I felt a tug on my heart to reach out to my dad. I have 4 stepsisters and 1 step brother and I have no connection with any of them. My sister and I were really close growing up. I miss her a lot. I believe this communication is to help me reconnect with my siblings. I wrote an email it was brief but I did say that the past would stay in the past and that I was really happy with my life. My dad answered back and the start of communication has begun.
I have no expectations of what will happen here. I have noticed when I take that approach then the hurt is less on your heart and sometimes it becomes really good more than you ever imagined. I don’t know where this will lead us but I do know God’s hand is huge in it and I feel serene peace through it all. One day at a time.
Are there people in your life you need to forgive? I pray that my story can encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you. It’s so freeing to know that these people can no longer hurt me like before. Freedom from forgivess brings peace to one’s soul. Release it to the Lord today.
One thought on “Reconnecting with the past”
I know I probably shouldn’t recommend a book I haven’t read, but there’s a book by a guy called Mez McConnell (sic?) called “The Creaking On The Stairs” which is basically his testimony of childhood abuse and how he came to faith in Jesus.
Although I’ve not read it I’ve heard him speak and heard good things of his book.
Thanks for the post, and God bless 🙂