Why are two people completely different when they were brought up the same why and why through the same truama. My truama made me into who I am today. It has made me into a person who is caring, compassionate and sensitive to those who are suffering and in pain. It’s given me huge insights into others that are caught in truama and it has helped me be able to educate those that miss signs of children in truama. I’m drawn to people that are being bullied or isolated from others. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I stand in the gap for those that can’t stand there.
I used to think this was a burden but now I see it as a way to help those that don’t know or understand. Truama comes in all different shapes and sizes. Truama hurts but I believe with the right help and support systems you can turn your entire life around. I’m a walking testimony to that. I still have to this day people that stand around me and surround me with encouragement, love and support me. For those of you who have read my memoirs I have sought out help to deal with my past and to finally come to a peace about it. I will never fully understand why what happened to my brother and I but I no longer am haunted by my past.
That being said I don’t think I would be alive today if I hadn’t worked so much on myself to free myself of those memories. I finally am happy in my life and learning everyday what JOY is. I choose freedom but my sibling did not. He choose to walk away from what happened and not deal with how it made him feel as a child/adult. He’s never dealt with any of it. Instead he’s set his life up so that he’s always in charge and nothing and nobody can ever beat him down.
I’ve always tried to have my sibling be proud of me and have him love me but he as long as I’ve known him has treated me badly. For years and years I put up with it and just went along with him treating me like crap. I’m the last year or so since my marriage ending I realized that I have put up with my sibling bullying me. Then when he was stressed or as something going on in my life he started yelling at me in front of my family. Both times I told him to stop and that it was no ok to treat me how he was treating me.
I set boundaries with him and told him I expected to be treated better not how you’ve treated me all these years. In the last year I see my dad in him something I’ve never seen before but now I’m in a healthy place. I see he’s become the person he hates. My mom says it’s because of his past. I tell her well I have the exact past and I am nothing like my sibling. I tell her that’s an excuse and he’s chosen not to deal with his past.
What bothers me so much about it is last night he casually came up to me and told me that the lives I do for my new business are so halarious and that him and his wife laughed so much as I did the videos. He critiqued it bit by bit and asked when I would be doing more. That’s cruel what he did. He used something that I’m working on and trashed it to no end. I remained quiet and said nothing. That hurt that now my sister in law is involved in it as well. Does it make you feel better about yourself if you trash your family? I can’t ever imagine treating anyone like that.
Obviously my sibling doesn’t care how or what he says to hurt me. Just because we are related that shouldn’t make any difference. I realized last night that he’s never going to change but I can choose not to be around someone like that. I’m Standing on the principal that blood is not thicker than water and that I remove myself from this relationship. I would not have him in my life if he wasn’t my sibling but I’m done with him treating me like this. It’s a decision I should have made a long time ago. Standing up to bullies no matter how hard it is. I hope and pray he changes for his sake but until that day I don’t want him in my life. I’ve worked way to hard to keep that out of my life. Standing up for what you believe in is hard but even harder when it’s family.