Boundaries

I was never good at setting boundaries with anyone. I used to be a people pleaser and hated confrontation. Since my marriage broke up and I got out of that environment I’ve learned how to speak out for what I want in my life. I loved that yesterday was international women’s day because I want to reconize all the woman who have been through tough times and gotten through it and are survivors and for those who speak out against things that are not ok. I started my blog 6 years ago to give all people not just woman but men as well who have been through tough times to give everyone hope that you can overcome no matter what you have been through. I started my blog as a way to process things in my life and God has used it to help so many people. I love that. I wanted to give back to those who gave me so much in my life and still continue to today. Thank you.

This week I had to end a friendship which I had set up clear boundaries on because this person was married and he needed to know where I stood. He was an old neighbour who helped me out with things I needed around my house and with my dog occasionally. He’s an older man and so he’s helped me so much in my life. A couple of weeks ago he crossed that line with me and so I ended the friendship. He wanted to know why I had ended it so I told him and he threw my past back at me saying that because I was abused as a child that was why I had made this up and then continued with telling me it’s my PTSD and that he never did anything. Still telling me I’ve made this up and that I have problems. Yes I do have a problem with this whole thing. I realized that’s what abusers try to tell people that they violate them. Throw out back in their court and blame them. I’m the past I would have taken this as I did something wrong. I realized how many people go through this everyday and think this would be their fault.

I used to feel powerless unable to speak up or out about what has happened. I’m proud of myself for being able to stand on the truth and call him out on what he did to me. I stood my ground and someone told me how many people in adultery admit that they did something they should not be doing. No many. I was very strong in those boundaries. I’m so glad I ended this relationship. I’ve set many boundaries and most people don’t like when you stand on somthing you believe strongly on.

I heard a great podcast today about boundaries and how if people don’t want to change you can protect yourself with putting an invisible boundary around you so that the person is not allowed to get in close to hurt you. I think this is good especially for your family. This helps me a lot when a family member comes at me with things. It’s harder to stand and not have those emotions but that boundary will help you.

So even though boundaries are super hard for so many. It makes me feel empowered to be able to stand up and say no this is not ok and In this case walk away. I feel lighter, peace and knowing that I’m ok In all of this. 🙂