I’m struggling right now

I’m struggling right now and thought blogging would help me get into a different mindset. Often if I write things down it helps. I hardly ever get stuck like this anymore. There is a lot going on. It seems as time goes on that I get overwhelmed easier. This week I was thinking that is still grief. My dad has been gone now for almost 8 months. I miss him everyday.

I got super overwhelmed at work this week so much so that I wanted to get in my car and drive away. I instead found a good friend and we chatted about it and she knew exactly what I needed. I love that. I hate feeling overwhelmed instead of wanting to figure it out. I wanted to just leave.

My job is so crazy right now I’m feeling really overwhelmed by it and I’m super confused what I’m supposed to be doing. Yes I’m supposed to be there for the children but 8 children have massive needs. I can’t do all that they need. So I’ve been going full tilt and this week I now hurt my back. I can’t keep up this pace day in and out. I need to find the right balance.

I then wanted to run again and not work in my class because it’s too much. Wow there is a lot of running going on here. What happened to the person who fights for things no matter what? I feel trapped in a box and I don’t know how to fix it. Not everything can be fixed. Yes I’m a fixer and if it can’t be then I want to run.

The flip side of that is I’m valued and need to be just where I am to help the children. I’ve been told that. I think if I run from all the people who need me especially those children who are they going up look up to. Who will they trust? Every year God puts the right children into my class for a reason. Really God did I need 8 children with high needs. Yes my heart is huge so obviously this is what he’s given me. So now I’m off with a sore back I can see clearer that yes this is what I’m doing and I need to embrace what is happening even if it’s crazy. Hopefully I won’t get overwhelmed like that again.

I like being in control and get lost when I can’t be like right now. I never had that control as a child. I realize that I don’t need to be in control that’s God’s job and I need to trust this journey, because he’s never let me down. I’m also waiting for an interview about a place to live that’s cheaper and will help in so many ways. It adds to the things I have on my plate now, but God has given me peace about that and I’m ready for the interview. 

I love that when I feel fear or wanting to run that I can pray and ask the Lord for peace. Peace that transcends only from him. Instantly I feel that surreal peace. Sometimes I will see a bald eagle 🦅 which means to me that God’s got this all under His control and that I will be ok.

So this is part of my journey, I don’t know what it looks like but really who does. See already my mindset has changed. Thanks for listening. How do you feel peace if you feel anxiety? Are there things that can change your mindset?