I’m struggling with the diagnosis of my friend. Today I went out and ran errands and it seems as though a dark cloud was following me. I put on my favorite music and the sun was shining and was warm outside but i felt like a robot outside. I’m so devestated by the news nothing seems to matter.
I did my gratitude this morning but it all seems insignificant. Everything overwhelmes me. I feel glimpses of hope but they seem far and few between. I feel helpless all I can do is pray and be there for the others in our group.
I don’t want this for my friend. All the feelings I felt from my best friend Wendy who died all have come bubbling up to the surface. All the feelings when my dad died. I hate them. I want to run away and stop feeling all of this. I’m trying to be strong. I’ve given it to the Lord. I want all of this to be different. So many unanswered questions.
I’ve started sending encouragement scriptures everyday to Tracy. I’m sure she’s still processing all of this as well. She’s getting many tests done and I’m so glad her mom is with her now.
Writing helps me process those feelings I don’t want to feel right now. As I keep saying hold on to your loved ones tight. Life is short.
I’m glad I have work this next week to keep my brain busy and I have wonderful friends who check in and see how I’m doing. This to is part of life, even though I don’t like it.
I appreciate you reading my thoughts on this topic. One blessing today is the clocks sprung forward and will stay like that now. Love this more light now as we head into Spring. Happy Sunday everyone. šøšŗš¹š·š»š¼
Beauty from Ashes. 
Iām so sorryā¦ š¢ Being a helpless observer in a situation like yours is a tremendous burden to bear. You have to put in a brave, cheerful mask when you visitā¦ small talk, maybe some recollections, a few chuckles, while everyone ignores the elephant in the room. Then when you leave, itās even worseā¦ the cloud you mentioned, questions with no answers, well-meaning friends can only offer platitudesā¦ āItās Godās willāā¦ āEverything has a purposeāā¦ or the worst, āWhen God closes a door, He opens a window.ā š«¤
Suggestion: look into the Stephen Ministry program. Itās an ecumenical faith-based resource for people like youā¦ hurting for whatever reasonā¦ death, divorce, joblessness. Youāre matched with a caregiver whose only function is to provide a listening ear, be your wingman during your trial. They donāt offer suggestions, try to solve your problem, offer platitudesā¦ just be with you.
Iām Stephen Minister and my relationships have been incredibly meaningful. Hereās the link for more infoā¦ May God bless you as you travel this lonely path šā¤ļø
https://www.stephenministries.org/default.cfm
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Awe thanks for this I will check it out. My friend lives in Ohio and I live on the other side of Canada so I can’t visit. We have a zoom group every Tuesday so I do have community and support through there. It’s just hard so hard. š
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