Author: walking in freedom

This past Thursday hurricane Helene swept through Asheville, Black mountain , North Carolina. It destroyed many towns it is path and so many people lost their homes, their lives and everything they once new. Black mountain, North Carolina is where my husband and I used to live. We lived there for 4 years and this was our community. To see it completely destroyed in so many ways was horrifying. I reached out to many of my friends good friends who live so around there. Some I heard from others nothing. All I could do from afar was pray for them. Pray that they were ok and their loved ones.

Two weeks before the hurricane came through they had mass flooding in this area and already the creeks and rivers were high. The hurricane just made it a 100 times worse. It came with such force and so many roads were washed out and flooded and those who lived up higher they had massive mud slides.

I realized that they were left without power, cell service, and no water. They say it will be weeks before water is restored. That’s why I didn’t hear from my friends . Each one reached out and told me they were ok, but so many people are not ok. My heart is broken for them because this was our home and yes you can rebuild and restore but you can’t replace family members.

Something I have seen and I had forgotten that when we lived in the South,  Southern hospitality is amazing. People come together to help out even those they don’t know. People step up and come forward and help no matter what the cost is.

My friend sent me that Bible photo this morning As I was walking in a field near a friends house that was washed away, I walked upon this….. this Bible was laying there open just like this. Jesus is much bigger than any storm. That’s what the person said who posted this and yes she’s exactly right. When things like this happen it makes you hold onto your loved ones more and you often seek out God for your refuge.

Please continue to pray for those who live in and around the Asheville area. Not just this area but this hurricane was wide spread. This hit home hard for me. Thorough out it all I love how people see God working in and through the lives of so many people. ❤️

Last week I read in a newsletter from the ranch I love so much that a person I’ve gotten to know almost died on July 4th. It was extremely hard to read and wow her testimonial well it’s totally amazing. She had a massive heart attack and had to get her heart reset and had chest compressions on the way to the hospital. Wow that’s extremely scary. Before all that happened she told her husband to call the ranch and ask them to pray.

We know God hears our prayers and yes He doesn’t always answer them the way we want them. We do know that the power of prayer is amazing.

“The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:14-16) “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.“

Not only did my friend get to the hospital she also had emergency surgery and suffered a heart attack. She was one of the lucky ones. Obviously her time on this earth is not done yet. For that I’m internally grateful. I hope that one day soon I can paddle down Sparks Lake with you again my friend.

I’ve seen God do amazing things with prayer. I have another friend who had a brain aneurysm and was in a coma for a long time and she was not supposed to live and God brought her back and everyday she’s worked so hard to get her life back. She’s another woman that I admire. Not only in her faith but that she never gave up no matter how hard it was.

“Matthew 18:20 – There is power in joining together to pray and petition. Jesus even says that when we align our hearts in prayer, He is with us as we do it!“

“In Psalm 34:17-18, it says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” When we pour out our hearts to God in prayer, He listens and offers us His peace and comfort.”

There are so many promises in God’s word. I pray everytime I get a chance. I love driving to work and praying before I go to school. I still find things I’m grateful for and my biggest one this week was that my friend is still with us. Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers. I reached out to her and told her that I wish I had told her sooner that I love her.

Reach out to those you love and don’t take anything for granted because life is precious and should never be taken for granted. I’m in awe about what God does and continues to do in our lives. I’m truly blessed. ❤️

Even when things are  difficult here and I’ve given them to God everyday, at 3am I seen to take them back from the Lord. I realized this week that instead of worrying about things I can’t change. Maybe I should put my efforts into something else. I started doing a study on Gratitude and I realized that everyday I need to start writing down what I’m grateful for.

“For everything God created is good, and nothing is too be rejected, if it is received with Thanksgiving; because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.”

                                       1 Tim 4:4-5

I love that every good thing is a gift from God. Something that I never want to take for granted. It’s a very humbling thing to know that God delights in us with his gifts.

Life as we know it, is full of ups and downs and how are we going to deal with them. God has always provided for me and as soon as I shifted my mindset to gratitude, I realized that I’m so blessed with many things in my life.

Today I thanked God for providing me with food and clothing and a roof over my head. For community I have lots of it all around me. For the opportunity to sit and read the word and worship. Many people I know have health issues, I thanked him for my health. Thank you Lord for the sun this morning and the rain. For the quiet mornings to be able to hear the birds outside my window.

When you put all of this into perspective then I realized that I don’t need to worry about things I can’t control. Blessings are all around us everyday we just need to stop and look at them and think about our lives. I’m so glad that I can be grateful everyday and I want to continue this. It’s an amazing way to start our days .

What are your grateful for today, even if your having a tough day? Next time you feel like your world is too hard or tough think about what you have to be grateful for. ❤️

Yesterday I celebrated 7 years of sobriety. For a long time no matter what I did I could not keep my sobriety. I had no idea why. Something would happen and I would find myself back in addiction again. It was so frustrating and the shame I felt from relapses was horrible. Shame is horrible because it makes you feel like your no good and that maybe you deserve what is happening to you. I used to think that well my dad used to tell me that I was stupid and that I would never amount to anything. So now this must be true because I can’t break the cycle of this.

I would pray and beg God to take this away but it would never stay for me. I hated myself so much. I also felt like I had a black heart because I hated my dad and Step mom for all the abuse and how they treated my brother and I . I wished they would just die.

One day I was brushing teeth and I felt God tell me that my heart was black and that’s why I was caught in the cycle of addiction. That was the root of it. Really God because I had no idea how to get out of this. I was filled with hate and if I didn’t get past this, then I would not succeed in sobriety.

I was visiting my good friend, her and her husband own a ranch in Oregon. They rescue horses and team them up with children. It’s my home away from home. It was during Christmas that I went to visit. I needed time away. My friend and I went for a walk. She calls it the wilderness. At Christmas it is often very cold and snowy. This day it was really nice and sunny. The sun beat down on our faces and it was quite warm. We were in the high desert so it’s a higher altitude then what I’m used to. I live at sea level. I started to get a headache. We stopped and knelt in the sand surrounded by Sage bushes.

My friend started praying and I asked God where was He when I was growing up. As a child I called out to Him but he never came. Why??? My friend asked me what I was seeing and I was back in my bedroom. Crying because I was not allowed out. The room was dark and I was alone and shared. She asked me what else I saw , at first I saw nothing then I saw a light. She asked me where it was and I realized it was behind me. Then I saw the Lord He was holding me. So everytime I called out to Him as a child He was with me.

Even now thinking about that tears me up. I was not alone. That’s how I survived because the Lord was with me. Then my friend prayed and asked me to look at my dad and stepmom and that I needed to forgive them for what they had done to me. My heart had softened because now I knew I was not alone. I love how God works in our hearts.

I prayed and asked God for the strength to forgive them because I had held hate in my heart for so long. Then the tears came and I felt like they never would stop. I forgave then for everything for all the abuse, how they talked to me, all the times they hurt me or left me alone so I was hurt by others. Everything came out. I had forgotten I was kneeling in the dust. When I was done I got up and I felt a whole lot lighter. My friend said I was like a new person. For the first time in a very long time my heart felt lighter. It was not dark or filled with hate.

Ever since that day 7 years ago my life has been different. I no longer feel that hate and I have reached out to my family and I communicate with some of them. I sometimes even pray for them. When those chains were broken then so were the chains of addiction. I’ve been free ever since. God is good so good. I now feel love in my heart and God’s given me a huge passion for others especially children who have gone through similar things that I have.

If your stuck in addiction or something you don’t want to do anymore. I would pray and ask God what are the chains that tie you to this thing. Find out the root cause. You don’t have to suffer in silence. Find someone you trust to help you. Isn’t it time to start living your best life. You are loved so much even if you don’t think you are. ❤️

This evening I listened to a podcast about two people talking about mental health. One of them has bi polar and he was talking about his highs and lows in his life. Mental health still has such a stigma behind it. It’s like your not ok if you struggle with anything. They talked about how even in the very low times of his life that he never gave up, even though he felt he was no good to his family. The other guy was saying that no matter how hard it was for him in his life, how he found hope.

I loved that the man who was talking  prayed before he was going to slit his wrists. After he prayed he broke the latch and made it into a cross. I have seen the power of prayer and what it does in others lives. I have seen it in my life when I was at the lowest in my life. If I didn’t have the Lord in my life I wouldn’t be here today. It’s one of the biggest reasons why God is so important to me in my life.

At my lowest He’s been there, He’s protected me, He’s sent people into my life to give me Hope and Encouragement. That’s why I started this blog. There is always Hope no matter how hard it is. The other guy on the blog said that even through your toughest times that you grow and it strengthens you. I agree with that. I love that this guy with his podcast now speaks out about his story and helps others who struggle with mental health.

I really believe our stories in life when we share them being Hope to others. Our testimonials may help someone who is struggling and help them in ways we may never know. Share your story even if it’s tough. There is someone out there who will understand what your going through.

Everyday I try to start my day with gratitude. There is so much to be thankful for.

What are your grateful for today?

After having a crazy childhood, I never knew if I wanted children of my own. If I did, I would definitely change how they grew up. I would tell them how proud of them I was, how much I loved them, listen to them, hug them lots and so many more positive things. What builds up a child?

I met a man I married and he had three children who I met many times and instantly loved them. They lived with their mom so I only saw them occasionally. Then they moved away and I got to see the girls as adults. God gave me the biggest heart for each of them. To this day I still reach out to reach out them. I remember their birthdays and celebrate with them in their milestones. Their lives have not been easy but I’ve always been here for them if they need me.

I never had children of my own and I wrestled with that for years. Then one day I felt peace about that. I think of all the children I’ve cared for in so many situations that I could be an example for. I wanted children to know what it is like to laugh and have fun. God’s blessed me with an amazing sense of humor and our children today are quite serious. I love to make them laugh. Humor is a good distraction as well especially if one is anxious in any way.

I have the biggest heart for children especially those who have endured trauma in their lives. I understand them so much. I can pick them out on the playground. Unfortunately they stand out. They often are the ones that get bullied in the playground. They often are by themselves. A lot of them like me get into trouble often and are so misunderstood. We are just trying to fit into a world that is often hard.

For almost my entire life I’ve worked with children and their families. I love it and at times it’s been hard. I’ve been blessed to know many children and I love that I can make a difference in their lives. We all need someone whom we can trust. Someone who understands us, who stands by us no matter what. Know that we are loved. I love that those hard students that you never know if they will ever let you in, come running over to you and hug you. I love that they check in so matter how hard it is. That speaks a thousand words. Love is powerful very powerful. Love changes everything. It’s what changed the outcome of my life.

In September we will have more new students and every year God places that one child in my class. Sometimes it’s like looking in the mirror, but I understand. We will go back to building up that trust. I love that I can make a difference. So not having children of my own is ok because I’ve had that privilege to get to know some amazing children and their families. ❤️

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