Dementia – the forgotten memory.

One of my family members my dad has dementia. It’s really hard on my family especially my mom. This definition is taken from the Alzheimer’s Canada.

” Dementia is an overall term for a set of symptoms that are caused by disorders affecting the brain. Symptoms may include memory loss and difficulties with thinking, problem-solving or language, severe enough to reduce a person’s ability to perform everyday activities. A person with dementia may also experience changes in mood or behavior.

Dementia is progressive, which means the symptoms will gradually get worse as more brain cells become damaged and eventually. “

It’s really hard to see my dad struggle and Not being able to remember things he’s just been told. The stress of things changing around him that he cannot control and not understanding and then in turn not remembering. I’m watching my mom losing the man she’s known for 45 years. I’m watching her grieving the loss of her husband. I’m losing the man who has helped me my whole life with so many things. He was the best guy to go to for different strategies or to figure out things. Stresses of course make it worse and change is really hard. Now she’s seeing the hallucinations. It breaks my heart but I’m so glad I can be there to just listen when things get tough.

One awesome thing that has helped is a local choir called Voices in Motion. It is a multi generational choir for those with memory loss and their caregivers. This choir has helped my dad so much. He no longer can read books but I often see him reading the notes of the music and I hear him singing and he’s started whistling>I’ve never heard him whistle ever in my life. He loves this choir because everyone excepts him for who he is. It is a well known fact that music increases socialization, cognitive function and everyone in the group has a huge appreciation for each other. For my mom it’s a place she can sing and get support at the same time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mACRfxjvddA

This is a link to the choir and some of the people singing. Even though there are some rough times I love all the support my mom has found and she has lots of friends who know and understand what is happening. This helps a lot and that there is respite care if my mom needs a break. I’m helping as much as I can and trying to be there for my mom as times are changing rapidly and so much is unknown.

I’m having a tough time

I’m having a tough time. It’s been almost 7 months since my husband left to live in the USA. I miss him a lot in so ways and others not so much. I’m not sure where that leaves me. I’ve been doing a good job with grieving and it’s less and less but today is a hard day.

I’m missing my routine of school and hanging out with friends or family. Being able to go anywhere you want and do things. I met one of the teachers from the school I grew to love so much this year and we had a great chat in the Parking lot of the grocery store. Good to see her but we both commented on how much life has changed. I was just thinking of kids at that school while I drove to pick up masks.

It’s been a tougher year for me this year with hurting my back and hip at work the end of January. I’ve bearly worked this year and now I’ve been laid off. It makes me sad because I love school and helping the kids. One good thing about all of this is I’m able to do respite care for the boy I worked with before. I’m helping him do his kindergarten lessons at home. I live spending time with this boy. He lights up my life so much. I’m Thankful I get to see him 3x a week. That also breaks up my days of just staying at home.

People who know me well know that I love animals. I love rabbits so much. Some call me the bunny whisper I’ve done things with rabbits I never thought I’d ever do. I have hand fed rabbits whose mothers could not feed them enough. I’ve rescued rabbits and fed them. Yesterday I rehomed one of my rabbits. I’ve had to retire both my male and female they are to old to continue breeding. 3 weeks ago my female gave birth to a very cute little baby rabbit. I stayed up most of the night making sure babies were born in the nest or helping when a baby got stuck.

It’s funny how and why I love rabbits they are the lowest animals on the totem pole. I’m sad to rehome my buck but the home he’s gone to is incredible and I could not pass up that opportunity. That doesn’t help with my sadness today. Life Before the pendemic was hard enough now this life I’m finding tough. I hope soon we can go back to some normalcy. I’m ready for that. I now find myself coordinating my masks with my wardrobe.

I know I will get through this like everyone else. It’s funny I’m at home a lot now and I’m writing less and less. Writing is good for my soul. How is everyone else doing during this pendemic? Tonight I will just pray more and reach out to those who I love. Thanks for listening. ❤️

Reigniting Your Love for the lost.

This is the you version of Kim Meeders new book coming out in May.

This is today’s devotional.

Some of the greatest threats of personal revival are pride and complacency. We can become so prideful that it is easy to believe we do not need to follow Him any more than we currently are.

True redemption, however, equals a true change of direction. And the true change of direction we wish to see in the world begins with our hearts first.

Indeed, God continues to call those who are still listening.

It is time to advance forward into My perfect plan. It is time to fly into the realm for which you were created. I am sending you out into the blackness. I am sending you into the world . . . to transform it for My glory. Beloved, it is time to leap into all you were created for.

Revival is reawakened within a heart when it chooses to:

• Embrace freedom by breaking the boomerang of the past

• Pursue God by getting in the truck of His presence

• See the unseen with the Father’s love

Revival is restored within a soul when it chooses to:

• Trust that Jesus will never, ever let go

• Abide in faith and not be faithless any longer

• Engage worship to break off the enemy’s attacks

• Pursue forgiveness by letting that junk go

Revival is renewed within a mind when it chooses to:

• Stop serving God with a spiritual flat tire and obey Him

• Allow belief to become breakthrough

• Radiate joy, the hallmark of the redeemed

• Pursue purity to see God’s face

Revival is reinforced into strength when it chooses to lean into:

• Courage over being scared—which allows the enemy to win

• Standing firm, knowing the enemy might start the fight, but Jesus always finishes it

• Genuine discernment, which begins with genuine listening

Revival is fully understanding the power of your testimony. It is reliance on inviting the Holy Spirit to lead intentionally. It is choosing to live for God alone and reaching for those struggling in the deep water while not getting entangled in the ropes of wreckage. Revival begins when one chooses to be clothed with the very presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Let today . . . be that day.

Prayer: Jesus, every revival starts the same way. Each one is fueled by love—love for You alone. Today, I commit with all that I am to embrace the transforming fire that is Your presence. Let Your revival rise in me. Amen.

Day 6 of social distancing….

Life has changed so much in the last few weeks. Today marks day 6 of being at home away from people. It’s been hard for me. I’m sure it’s hard for a lot of people as well. I’m an extrovert so not being able to hang out with my friends or go to work has been really hard. I’m still on WCB but my gym had to close so now doing my workouts at home. That is nice that I don’t have to get up and rush out. It’s been a challenge in so ways because it’s a 4 hour program and my poor body has never worked out for 4 hours. It’s good when I pace myself. Something I don’t do well. It’s all or nothing.

I’m learning how to strengthen my body so that I never hurt myself at work again. It’s good and what’s that saying no pain no gain. Slowly I’m gaining that strength so that’s good. Working out is a good distraction and breaks up the day lots which is good.

This whole way of living has triggered past things. Hunger for me was huge growing up and even though I have enough food it triggered that with this pendemic. Not having enough food, being so hungry and well that feeling is nothing like you could ever imagine. The other thing that got triggered for me was being alone. Yes I’m alone with not being able to hang out with certain people and lots of people have a significant other or children to hang out with. I have Zeke and two cute bunnies. The lack of people in my life is hard.

That’s why my relationship with the Lord is the most important. You are never alone with Christ in your life. He is there and so during my lonely times I reach out to Him and He holds me close. Then I feel that peace that only transcends from Him. We can be lonely in our marriages I was for a long time, or we can be lonely in our homes. God wants us to reach out to Him.

I have my friends whom I can video chat with as well. I’m learning a lot in this time away from people and work. This week I brought my first lawnmower and mowed my lawn. It looks good and again doing so many things I never thought I’d have to do without my husband. I can do these things and yes I will survive the social distancing. We are all in this together.

Running out of items in the stores

All the empty shelves at the stores is something I’ve never seen before. We live in a world where there always has been plenty. The stocking up and hoarding is like I’m in some movie. It feels almost not real. For weeks now you can’t find hand sanitizer, disinfectant wipes, disinfectant cleaning products and less and less toilet paper.

I’m not here to discuss what will happen with this virus or not we hear enough of that in the media. This past couple of weeks have been surreal for me. I go out somewhere and especially in stores feel super overwhelmed and feel almost out of body experience. I procrastinated on getting supplies. I finally sat down and asked God why I felt like that.

A picture came into my mind of me as a child hungry and wondering where or when my next meal would be. If I listened to what the media says about everything I’d to live in fear. I prayed about it and I know I will be ok. There is enough food and that if we go under a lock down I have enough in my home. I also have lots of family and friends and this time I’m not alone. As a kid I suffered alone. As an adult thanks to counseling and a lot of good people in my life including the Lord I am not afraid.

I’m so glad I have the Lord in my life. I feel peace that He is near. Draw close to Him. If we have to be in a lock down then spend your time with Him. I’m lucky I got to do that for the month I was off work. I feel he’s prepared me for this. Thank you Lord for looking after me.

Over eating to help with stress

It’s hard to be told that you use food as comfort and that it’s no better than your addiction of choice you used to do. That hit me hard because I’ve been free of sexual addiction for two and half years. I’m so glad I don’t struggle with that anymore. For years on and off I’ve struggled with over eating and using food as a comfort. It raised its ugly head recently when I felt back in a corner and felt like I had no way out. I felt trapped and powerless. Instead of stopping and realizing this triggered past stuff I chose to use food instead of validating why I was feeling those feelings. I found comfort in a bag of chips and a bag of candy. That helped soothe my soul. I didn’t lay out down in front of God I just ate instead.

My counselor pointed out that this is no different then using addiction. Food can be used as addiction if used for the wrong reasons. Great I’m glad she pointed it out to me so that I don’t continue to soothe through food. I have a toolbox full of tools on what to not do with sexual addiction so now I need to validate those feelings give them a voice. Writing for me is very therapeutic. I need to reach out to my friends and pray with them. I need to reach out to my Lord and ask Him to help me lay out down at the foot of His cross.

Working out this week has made me very mindful of what I’m eating and realized that I often eat from boredom. That was my huge downfall in sexual addiction. I started ordering food from a company called Good food and it’s really healthy meals that come in two portions. You get three meals and they last for two days and I’m really excited to cook them because they taste so good. I’ve cut my snacks back or I don’t snack and I’m motivated to cook. Cooking for one can be hard and then I eat the wrong things. Also being kind to myself and not so hard on me. If you are struggling with food, alcohol, drugs, sexual addiction or whatever your drug of choice is. Lay it down to God talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to do this alone. You can reach out to me and I can help encourage you. Addiction is hard, it is real and it can be overcome. There is freedom. ❤️

Are you going to trust Him?

Many of you know I hurt myself at work six weeks ago. It’s been a hard recovery. I started back to work this is my second week and it’s going well. As well as work I’ve been enrolled in a back to work rehab program for people on WCB. It’s an intensive program it’s four hours a day but because I work I go afterwards to the program. On my days off work I go to the program for four hours. The program has been really good for me but also very challenging as well.

It’s hard working out your body when I have been lazy and not looked after it properly. Years and years of abusing it different ways of course will be hard in so many ways. In this program I realized why I hurt myself I used my back for everything. In fact your back is supposed to be protected by one using their glutes and having a strong pelvic floor. None of which I had and how when I’m so stiff that when you breathe properly from your diaphragm it’s amazing how you can breathe through your pain and actually move properly. Wow who knew breathing was the key to so many things.

If I’m tense in my neck and shoulders how to breathe to relax. I realized I’m not a relaxed person at all. Today was a hard day I ran out of steam after two and a half hours. I hurt and I almost cried because how was I supposed to do this. The team talked to me about pacing myself I have no idea how to do that. I said that and they said we will teach you. My Physio helped me stretch that muscle in my hip and worked with me out felt a lot better. Before when things got tough I would want to run away. My whole life I have done fight or flight. The people in the program told me the first week is the hardest and then it gets easier.

I felt discouraged when I got home. I wanted to run away but there is no option to do that and I am the one who abused my body for so long. I heard an awesome podcast today by my two favourite people Kim and Troy Meeder. Kim talked about no matter where we are in life we need to push through our pain and trust God. Even when it’s hard reaching out to our Lord and in worship and laying out all down in front of Him. With Christ we can do anything in our lives. Only then will we feel His Amazing peace. This is just what I needed to help me move forward. It will hurt for a time and then our bodies get stronger and then we will be even better then we were before. I love that so much.

No matter what we are going through in our lives. Reach out to the Lord. He is waiting for us to lay down all our fears, anxiousness and all our pain. Psalm 62:5-6 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.

Sexual Addiction

I never want to forget where I was to where I am now in my life. Sexual addiction is an addiction that is crippling. I want others to know that are caught in this addiction that there is freedom from it. I was caught up in this addiction for a long time. I never thought I’d ever be free of it. For me sexual addiction came out of many things in my life the first one being sexual abuse at a young age. Then many other factors of abuse, abandoned and rejection.

Sexual Addiction is an intimacy disorder meaning we have had issues and problems in our lives and not having proper attachments to people. These come in the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of a nurturing caregiver. Addiction is a way for us /me to cope with stresses and emotions. Addictive behaviours means we don’t reach out to others for comfort or support. With this intimacy disorder we are afraid of intimacy. We worry about abandonment and fear of rejection.

My intimacy disorder was rooted in how I grew up as a child with severe abuse and neglect I also lived with rejection and abandonment often. No wonder I developed this addiction. I had no love, and the people who were supposed to take care of me treated me so badly. I grew up in fear and trusted hardly anyone in my life. That’s still hard for me to write.

I’m now two and a half years free of sexual addiction and I’ve dealt with the roots of this intimacy disorder. Forgiveness was huge in my recovery. I didn’t forgive them so the people who hurt me got away with what they did, but I forgave them so that I was no longer giving them power for me to act out. I pray for them occasionally but it freed up my heart so that I no longer hated them.

I didn’t want to be tied to sexual addiction forever so my first step to break free was surrender. I am powerless over this addiction and my life has become unmanageable. I had to fully surrender this to God. I couldn’t be sitting on the fence with this one I’m either all in or out. Fully surrendering it was hard. This is an addiction you can hide. It can be kept hidden in the dark but God wants it brought into the light. When brought into the light it loses that power. Letting someone know someone you trust.

If you or anyone else is struggling with addiction or sexual addiction there is help out there. Don’t do this journey on your own. It’s a very lonely journey. It causes so much shame and guilt and it keeps you trapped in this road of hell. Reach out to someone you trust. My biggest fear was people would reject me or think I was a horrible person. Sexual addiction is not just a man’s addiction. Women are getting addicted more and more and now that we understand it being an intimacy disorder we can educate others. Bring your addiction out into the light. God is light, he’s also love, compassion, and so many other good things. He wants a relationship with all of us. Reach out to Him today.

I would not trade this time for anything…….

Since being off work for a month now with a sore back and hip, God has shown me many things. I believe this happened because like your immune down when your sick, your body does the same thing to protect itself. My body was telling me I’m tired, your in grief and you just need time. At first I blamed myself for an accident and then I beat myself up. When your used to doing everything and a very busy person it’s hard when you can bearly do anything.

After I slowed down I then could hear God. He wanted me to rest in Him. Give Him all my fears, my troubles, my pain and to trust Him that it would all work out. I wake up spend time in His word and pray. During the day I listened to podcasts and through them and reading books my relationship with the Lord exploded. My claim was excepted and now all I had to do was rest and go to physio and doctors appointments. The rest was taken care of.

My month off I would never trade it for anything. It’s been a time of healing. Healing from addiction: before if I was home alone more that two days I was back in addiction. Two and a half years later I found things I love to do at home. I started doing puzzles and found out relaxing challenging and fun. I knitted on my loom, I loved reading with a good cup of tea. I listened to music, and came to really appreciate what I was given in this life. I reached out to my friends. I love all the people God has brought into my life. Thank you to each and everyone of you. Blogging has become my outlet to do many things and I love it. I love the blogging community sharing my posts and reading what is important to each of you. We all come from unique backgrounds it’s nice to read what you write. Thank you God for slowing me down and showing me what life is truly about. I feel so much peace in my life and know that God looks after me no matter what.

Lies Satan tells you……


It’s amazing the lies Satan tells us as we go about our lives. The biggest lie I used to believe was I was not good enough. It didn’t matter what I did in my life those words your not good enough reigned in my head. Growing up I was often told I was stupid and that I would never amount to anything. Not only did my dad and stepmom tell me that but my teachers in school. I really believed I was dumb. My grades were always low and I felt confused and overwhelmed about much in my life.

I now know this is a big fat lie and the reason why I had troubles in school was how I had grown up. Trauma makes it impossible to learn. I had the best survival skills and also never being challenged in my life, my brain did not know how to learn. After I moved to Canada and got lots of extra help in school I realized I was a very smart girl. I always had to work harder than anyone but I got to have the career I wanted. I got to work with children and be a voice for them when they couldn’t do it for themselves. God’s word is full of truth and light. That voice that tells me I’m not good enough is less and less.

It’s been tough for me lately in my life in so many areas. My emotions have been high. Not being able to get the jobs I want, feeling rejection from my husband leaving, left that voice in my head this week that I’m not good enough. I prayed against it straight away and then opened my bible and saw how much God loves me.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our heartsthrough the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. – Romans 5:2-5

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved. – Ephesians 2:4-5

God’s word is the only place where there is truth. Again I know that I’m more than good enough in His eyes and that this tough time I’m having when I walk side by side with Him will get better and even though it’s tough for me I feel God’s peace around me. That peace only comes from God. If your having a tough time reach out to God he’s waiting for you with His arms open wide. I find much comfort in the words I read from the Bible. I start my mornings out reading what He has written. There is no room for those lies in my head.