I am a women who loves to write and I write because for so long I lived in darkness and never spoke about my life and now I want to share my life and my story with others to help and encourage them on this road we call life.
Yesterday I wrote about Zeke and his devoted loyalty to me. Today I’m writing about the devoted loyalty that we experience from having Christ in our lives. Similar to what I wrote about Zeke is exactly how it is when we have relationships with Jesus. He loves us more than we can ever imagine. He stands in the gap for us and He protects His relationship with us. He’s with us thriving thick and thin and He wants a relationship with us. With Jesus He wants the same for us and that peace I feel in my life is His Eternal gift. When I’m walking side by side with Him He’s got me in the Palm of His hands. When I feel lonely, abandonment, rejection, unwanted or any of those feelings. I turn to the Lord and He brings that eternal peace to my life.
God protects us from all that is out to get us and he’s extra protective of His children. I had forgotten until my Aunt reminded me today that my life has been under attack since I was a little girl. She reminded me that when I was really little I had really serious pneumonia and almost died. Again God reached out and healed me and helped me live. Throughout all the challenges in my life when people tried to take me out and then when I tried to end my life God kept me alive. He has had a purpose for me since day one and I love the passion I have in my life for people that can’t stick up for themselves. I’m their voice especially those precious children.
That is why sharing our stories with others is so important. Our stories help others. It gives them Hope and Encouragement so those with tough stories like mine can start to heal and forgive. Forgiveness is the key to healing those broken parts of our lives. The only way I could ever be so far in my life is because of Christ. I love Him with all my heart He’s the love of my life. So as much as I love my dog I love Christ so much more.
I recently shared my story with a complete stranger on the phone she was asking me questions about my life and who I was. Only people closest to me know my story and this woman who I did not know she was filled with compassion and caring. As I was able to share bits about my life I know she appreciated it and told me when I ever write my book she will buy a copy of it. You never know when you share your story who you will touched by it. God uses it for His glory. ❤️
I learned a valuable lesson this week about loyalty. It took a wise woman to show me the truth of what I had sitting in front of me. Many of you know I own a almost 5 year old labradoodle. Zeke is a very sensitive dog who knows exactly how I’m feeling and from day one has stood by my side. Through a very hard emotional abusive marriage he stood beside me and protected me when I needed him the most. He loved me unconditionally.
I have PTSD so that makes my emotions huge sometimes and Zeke knows when that happens he needs to beside me even more. Not only is Zeke loyal, intuitive, and smart he’s there for me no matter what. Zeke is often perceived in the world as unfriendly, not a dog you could trust or very high needed dog.
After my golden retriever died I wanted a very different dog from her. A couple of years later Zeke came into my life. I’ve never had a labradoodle before but fell in love with him since day one. He and I have gone through a lot together through thick and thin. A lot of labradoodles love people lots and will run up to them to get attention. Zeke is reserved he needs to figure out who these people are but when he does he’s your best friend for life. The people who know Zeke in my life love him so much.
The whole time I’ve owned him I’ve been told he’s to much for me to handle and that I should rehome him my family and now my friends. Concerned that Zeke takes up too much time in my life, he’s to needy. My wise friend reminded this weekend that the reason Zeke is back to being so protective is because we moved from the only house he knew. He’s stressed and I’ve been unsettled because this move even though it’s good for both of us is a reminder that my marriage is over. It’s been an adjustment. I got in my head this weekend and thought that rehoming Zeke would be the best for everyone. Now my friends are telling me that but Claire she reminded me that he’s doing that because he’s so intuitive in my feelings. Also he’s been there for me through thick and thin and I now need to do the same for him. Claire shared many insights with me about Zeke and I. Some I had not even considered and I already knew before her email there was no way I was going to give him up without a massive fight.
Zeke is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. It seems that things I love leave my life or they walk away. Abandonment is huge in my life and the one thing that is constant is Zeke. I’m not listening to people who do not understand the bond Zeke and I have. Zeke is my therapy dog. We will get through this transition like every other we’ve been through. Since changing my attitude towards him I have noticed he’s different as well. When I relaxed he does as well. Thank you Claire for showing me what I had in front of me. Zeke you and I will continue this journey together. Love you buddy 🐕🦺❤️🙂
Not written in a while and have been encouraged by my counselor to get writing again. Started school again 17 days ago and I have to admit I’ve been really challenged in my classroom to the point where I wanted to change and go somewhere else. I was in flight mode and tried everything I could to change. After seeing my counselor this week I realized that when I didn’t know how to handle a situation I was patient and then would become super frustrated when I couldn’t change the outcome. I have super high expectations of myself and the frustration came from not having control of the situation and feeling stupid or dumb. That’s why I wanted to run because I did not want to feel incompant at work. My teacher told me I’m doing an awesome job and I realized that it was not my job to try and control the situation.
I’m in a class with a child who has autism. I realized that the whole time I’ve worked in Early childhood education over 35 years that I’ve never worked with a child full time with autism. I’ve covered lunch breaks but not day in and day out. I find it hard to figure out what he wants and when he freaks out how to help him. My teacher reminds me that I need to keep it simple and repeat what I want done. Don’t use lots of words. There is lots of stress there. I can’t imagine how hard it is every day processing life with autism.
My counselor asked me this week when I didn’t do something right as a child who was that person who became angry or upset with me. My stepmom was so critical of me and no matter what I did right it was always wrong. Those high expectations have caused me to reach for perfection that I can’t reach so I get frustrated when it’s not going the way I want it to go. I had no idea this was tied to my past. Also for me to get frustrated and not want to work with a child or children that’s not me at all.
Once I switched my mind and figured out why I did not want to work in my room it all changed for me and I love my room and all the children and the child with autism I think we have figured out when he gets overly stressed is when he’s tired or hungry. He now comes and sees me and he will tell me he’s tired or hungry. He’s a runner and so we don’t chase him and he always comes back. When it gets too hard for us there is always help in the school.
I’m so glad I didn’t run from this. I asked my principal to change and he told me no. I also learned that I needed to change how I eat because my knees hurt so much so I’ve started eating foods that don’t inflame my body and it really helps. I’ve realized that I need to better myself and my body at school so that’s good.
So even though it’s been tough I stuck with it and learned a whole bunch of things about myself. I would have missed out on this incredible opportunity. The children in my class are lovely and come to me when they feel sad, happy or whenever. I had lost my mo jo but now it’s back again. I’m so glad I wasn’t able to run away from things that are hard. I stayed and fought. Next time things are hard well you run away or will you stay and fight and work out out.
On Tuesday I start school again. I can’t wait I’m so ready to get back into the groove of school. I love my school and all the teachers. I love that we get fresh new faces. Kindergarten children are the best. I learned so much from the children we had last year. It’s funny when I do groups of children when they don’t know you they are so quiet and almost scared to participate. I have a great sense of humor so I joke around with them and then it’s amazing how laughter makes them feel more comfortable.
Some of the greatest times I had getting to know the children was sitting out on the bench outside. They are called buddy benches. I have a rock that changes color when it’s warmed up in a child’s hand. It’s a heart rock and it helps the children feel special and helps them when they are sad. I’d sit out with them they would hold the rock and I would ask them questions. Kindergarten children love talking about themselves so they would forgot about whatever they were sad about. I also got to know them as well. They then would come to me outside if they needed help. I am very observant so when I would find a child just sitting on their own I would seek out people to play with them.
As an Early childhood educator I spent lots of time getting to know each child and helping them form relationships so then pretty soon they felt comfortable with their peers. School can feel intimidating to a child but it’s similar to preschool in many ways. I’m working with two teachers this year they both have no EA’s in their class. I’m looking forward to helping them with the children they have and doing my small groups. I can’t wait to see how this year will be with our new children. Kindergarten is fun. God uses me in so many ways at school not just with the children but also with the teachers. I encourage the teachers around me because they work so hard and they love encouragement like anyone else.
I can’t wait to see the Grade One’s. I have missed the children who were in our classes last year. I love that I get to see them out in the playground. I bet they have grown up so much this summer. I know God will use me this next year as well. I can’t wait.
It’s been a whirlwind summer but when you trust God with it all just hang on it’s going to be a wild ride. I finally got moved into my new place last week. For three nights after I moved in all my things into my new house it was not ready for me to move in physically so I stayed at my neighbours. I Believe God puts you in places for reasons. I was so blessed to stay in their home they have become like family to me. Tomorrow I’ve been in my new home for 1 week. The hardest part about downsizing from a house to a suite is seems like I’ve had to sell a lot of things. As I was feeling really down about this I’m reminded that because of a mess up from EI I have not had any income coming in since July 9th. Between selling a lot of things and starting a company that I have a huge passion about. I felt led to start it. To me it’s about how to educate people.
Since I starting selling my Belongings I’ve met so many really neat people in my hometown. I could have just sold my things for the profit but I realized that it’s about giving back to others. When I come back to others I’ve been blessed 100 fold. I got refund cheques from my insurance company, refund for hydro, damage deposit and other cheques that I never expected. God knew exactly what I needed at the right time. I love that that’s having the faith of a mustard seed. ” New International Version Jesus replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Love that nothing is impossible for you. I realized that this summer. Before I had faith of a mustard seed I would worry about money so much and get stuck in old ways growing up not having enough money or food. I never felt that at all. I knew I would be ok. Today I had an appointment and was told that I didn’t have to pay. Somehow I had a credit. It’s amazing how things like this happen often and next week I get a cheque from my hydro. I hope I get some back pay from EI. This next week I’m doing another Norwex party so I’m looking forward to that. God provides. Thanks Lord for looking after me.
I’ve met some interesting people from selling my things. Today I met a man and his wife who came to Canada from Syria and he came here with his wife and 12 children. I sold him a rug it was not about the money but how much I could bless him and his family he was so happy. A few days I sold a small antique chair to a lady who is a full time student who helps Teens out of addiction. She was super blessed by my generosity. She’s coming back.
I’m two weeks I go back to school who knows when EI will pay me but I know that no matter what God looks after me. It increases my faith as well. So next time you feel unsure about what is happening hold on God’s got you in for the ride of your life.
Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. You have people in your life your closest to or others that are acquaintances. As people we have to figure how each person who is in our life or comes into our lives fits into it. I recently wrote a post about being singled out. I since removed it because I didn’t want it to look like I was gossiping about the situation. I realized through out all of this that our family does not have to be super close to us. If it is then that’s awesome.
I still like the friendship ring where you put people in your life close to you or further away. The people further away can’t give you what you want on life and that’s ok because you have people close to you that can meet those needs. I always thought that family was supposed to be close with each other and have fantastic relationships. Maybe that’s the fairy tale family. I recently had to put my family further out on the ring and since doing that my expectations have been lowered and I don’t get frustrated or upset with things my family does. They cannot give me what I had expected all those years.
As I sit here pondering about it, I realized that that’s the relationship that God wants with each of His children. He wants us to lean solely on Him. We can never be satisfied with earthly relationships only God can meet all of our needs. So next time your frustrated about a relationship in your life maybe use the friendship ring. It really helps to put people in perspective. For me it’s brought huge peace I can still have a relationship with them but it looks different and that’s ok.
Such a great accomplishment is having four years of sobriety. Addiction no matter what is is can make you feel like you have no control over your life. For me addiction used to be a big stronghold in my life. Now I walk in healing and freedom. I’m so Thankful for all the people who have stood by me and encouraged me and helped me move forward. There are so many people but of all I’m so thankful that I had God to lean on in times of trouble. Just because I’m sober now does not mean that bad things still happen. They do and life can be tough at times but the longer your sober the more skills you have to stay that way.
After the day I forgave my dad and stepmom up in the high desert with a good friend of mine I’ve never looked back. God healed my heart he healed my soul. Living in freedom is the best feeling ever. I no longer hold hatred in my heart. I try to love others how they want to be loved. Now when things get hard or rough I turn to God and pray and read the word. I talk to people whom I trust and I work it out.
If you find yourself battling an addiction you are not alone. It may seem dark and useless I’ve been there many times. There is hope and redemption through Christ and healing. Reach out to someone you trust today.
Trauma is awful no matter how it happens. One of the things God has given me is an insight to see trauma in others. As you’ve heard me say before that things do not happen as coincidence. I call them God instances. This past school year I met a young child who had experienced trauma in their life. They reminded me of me as a young girl. They were in survival mode often and trusted no one. When they refused to do things they dug in their feet and you could not get them to budge. I would feel frustrated but then would back off and just give them love and compassion. I love them fighting back because that’s survival. When you have truama in your life if you don’t fight you will die. They knew the teacher so they were able to get them to do things that I could not.
As a child I remember trusting Nobody but I loved people to be kind and caring to me. I still watched from a far but love made me feel good. It was foreign but good. New things were very important to me because I never got them so for this child it was similar. My teacher would go through all the school supplies and those that had little she would top them up with her own. I remember the first day they got to use their markers and this child did not use the markers but carried them like they were made of gold. It took all you could not to have them go out at playtime. As soon as they came in they would run over and pick up the markers. For about a week they were carried everywhere a treasured possession. I explained that in trauma when you don’t get new things they become a comfort and that they become treasured possessions. When the child realized that the markets were still there and were theirs they used them and stopped carrying them around.
Another thing that became an importance was food. If food is scarce or you become worried will you get more, when you get it you want to eat it. When all of a sudden you get great lunches from not having much. It becomes a huge part of your day. Wanting to keep eating and carrying around your lunch kit. For me lunch was non existant, I learned at a young age to steal other kids food so I could eat. I was able to explain why this child did what they did because of experience. I just tell people that I have experience with children in trauma because I do first hand. Or when they came to school in a whirl wind and I knew that today was a day off extra love and support and that learning that day was not on. Similarities were struck often and school was a place of safety. I know that’s why I feel so comfortable working at school now as an adult.
A couple of months before school ended that child stuck to me like glue. They trusted me and it took a long time but because I knew and understood I waited patiently. I always told them I’m here for you no matter what. This was my first year at school and I was challenged often with children but In the end I was able to be there for each and everyone of them. I love my job so much. This is what giving back is all about.
As I think about this, this is what God does for us. He waits patiently for us. He stands by and gives us unconditional love and waits for us to come to Him. Unconditional love is the best feeling in the world as we saw with this child.
1 Corinthians 13 :1 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
This was Winston I looked forward to spending a long time with this little guy. Obviously I was only supposed to spend 4 days with him. Even in those 4 days he touched my heart. God reminded me today why I love rabbits so much and how my heart is huge for everyone of them. I thought today was fitting to write about it.
When I was a young girl of 10 I lived in Ireland and my step mom her family lived about an hour and a half away from us. It was in the country and I loved going there so much. Her brother Terry he had taken over the farm and he lived there with his wife and children. I loved all the animals on the farm. He had cows he milked twice a day, pigs that often had babies. Baby pigs are the cutest but wow can they ever squeal when you first pick them up. They had chickens, sheep and a bull.
My sister and I would spend all our time out with the animals. There were always lots of babies. On the same property a newer home had been built which my step moms brothers lived there and their mom my grandma moved into that home when her husband died. Uncle Joe he travelled lots and was often in Africa. There was another brother who lived there as well but he was really mean and he was the guy that later sexual abused me.
He carried a dark presence about him and he had a shot gun he often laughed and would threaten us with it. Being kids we would never take it seriously and just laughed and ran away from him. He thought it was the greatest thing to catch rabbits and put them in sacks and tie up the necks of the bags and the bunnies would eventually die. My sister Lynn and I would follow him he often made the rabbits scream. Rabbits will scream when they are terrified. He would spend all his days catching rabbits and putting them in these sacks and he would come back later to get them. Lynn and I would come by and untie all the bags and let the rabbits free. One by one they would ruin off. He was so angry at us for doing that but we just continued letting the rabbits go.
God put a huge love in my heart for Rabbits. I’m often known as the rabbit lady. I have raised rabbits that would have starved if I had not fed them. I have fed my own babies when their mom refused to feed them. I even have wild rabbits living in my front garden right now. After a day and a half Winston for sick and he was so young he could not fight against it. I’m so glad I got to try and help him even though it was so hard.
Next week I will get another rabbit another plush mini lop and the person lives closer to me so not lots of travel. It seems too soon to many but right now I have the time to bond with a rabbit before I go back to school and get busy. The rabbit I’m looking at is the far orange one he’s got black on his back and black on his head. I’m so glad God has given me the heart for such an amazing animal. Through heartache and pain comes even stronger love. That is how life is especially for the love that I have for the Lord. He can even use little rabbits for His glory.
As I was sorting through things in my bedroom yesterday I came across this. I loved this so much it was given to me as a gift from a special lady. It was an angel and it’s wings moved. For years it laid broken in this container when it got accidentally knocked over and smashed. I feel sad as I found it again and there she laid broken into pieces. So many pieces that can’t be put back together as many are missing.
For many of us these broken pieces signify our lives. So many things can shatter our lives. Abuse of all kinds, abandonment, addiction, shame and hopelessness. For a long time I felt like this there was no hope. My life just was shattered into so many pieces and none of them fit back together. How many of us have felt that somewhere in their lives or even now.
I want you to know that there is hope and those shattered pieces can be redeemed when we choose to let God into our lives. He heals our broken hearts and molds those broken pieces back together so that we become whole. Living in freedom is the most awesome feeling ever. We get freed from bondage and then we can help others. God wants us to share our stories with others. I want people to know about Him and how he heals our broken souls.
One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 40:31 – But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.