Beauty from Ashes.

Today I went to the Cemetery where my father in law lays and Larry’s brother in law is as well. I love how quiet the cemetery is. People who come are quiet as well. It’s a very peaceful place. My father in law when he was alive he loved views so his grave overlooks the cemetery. He has a headstone with the verse Wings on Eagles. I had forgotten how much he loved Bald Eagles. They are very significant in my life as well. He had a huge leather bald eagle in his home, and these bald eagles outside that when the wind blew their legs moved.

I didn’t realize until he died how significant they were to him. He was an amazing man and had the most powerful testimony of how God looked after him and his family as they fled from Poland. For his 50th wedding anniversary I made a photo album of him and his wife growing up. I interviewed their families and I got to know both of my in laws really well. I still my mother in law.

As I walked through the cemetery through the misting rain remembering the days when Eugene was alive. He was fun and he was always so caring and he would teach me about a lesson or something that was important to him. I learned a lot of valuable things from him. I’m sure he’s in heaven playing cards games with his siblings, my dad and those who loved him.

I thought about all the other people buried in there what their lives where like. Who they were. There’s a lot of history in that cemetery.

I walked up the hill and down the pathway to where Larry’s brother in law is and found his wooded place his ashes were. Graydon loved the woods. It was quite overgrown because his wife my sister in law no longer lives in our city. It was hard to find. He was an amazing man that I had the privilege of knowing him. Graydon loved to whistle. He was always striking up some tune. He loved a good debate and often was in one. He loved his family so much and I still pass the home where he brought up his family. He is missed so much as well.

I found much peace at the cemetery today. It’s a beautiful place to think and remember those we have lost. Even in the Misty rain it’s beautiful.

On Monday December 15th will be be the 1 year anniversary of the the death of my dad. Not sure where a year went. Seems to have flown by. The tears started again last weekend and have been continuous. Today I drove down Cordova Bay road the familiar road and cried down it. I remembered all the times I walked it with my dad. I saw the lane way that back in November we spread his ashes down on the waters edge on the beach  along with my grandpa’s. The memories are so clear.

He is missed everyday but I find myself talking fondly about him. It was hard year for my mom. She’s got her new hip now and I know she misses her walks with you. Her days are busy but her nights are long. When the family gets together we have fond memories of you.

Your ashes now are in this ocean the one you loved more than anything. You sailed and knew every inch of it. You loved to swim in it and then you walked that beach for over 40 years. I still have the rocks you gave me from our walks. I wish we could walk one more time. I miss you so much. Thanks for being the best dad I could ever imagine.

On Monday I’m taking the time off school to spend it with my mom. We are going to a coffee shop that my mom and dad used to go and get coffee from. I am glad I get to spend this day with my mom. It will be good to remember. He’s definitely missed by all of us. I love that our family is closer because of his passing. You may be gone Barry but you are never forgotten. Until we meet again. ❤️

After my husband left he took almost all our Christmas decorations. I was really sad because many of them I had been given as gifts or ones what were very special to me. I hated decorating the tree even though it’s small. I felt sad. I felt detached from my tree for years. It’s hard to explain.

Over the years people have given me ornaments that have meaning to me. Karen my Irish friend gave me many amazing ornaments and my husband left me with a handful of ones that we had collected together. Today I realized that my little tree is full of amazing new memories.

This ornament was given to me by my group of friends from the life church. They are part of my life group I’ve been part of for over 12 years or so. They gave it to me when my dad died last year. My little tree is no longer lovely. I realized I’m loved by so many. I’ve created new memories now. I’m blessed.

The tiny nativity set was given to me by my good friend Bonnie. It goes up under my tree every year. I got that when her kids were little and every year it makes me smile. Another sign of love under my tree.

I just watched a Netflix series called No One Saw Us Leave. To be able to watch it shows me how much I’ve healed. Some of the scenes in the series were identical to my story. It’s a story about a father who took his children away from their mom and how he was able to escape with them so many times. The Father’s family helped him be able to get away so many times.

That’s what my dad did was take by brother and I including all our passports and left on a plane to England where his family lived. My mom was unable to follow because my dad took her passport as well. My mom has to wait to get another passport. This series took place in the 60’s and mine was in the 70’s. I noticed that in this series the mom was told that the dad had gone on holidays and would be back. My mom was told the same thing knowing that we weren’t coming back.

There was no amber alert back then and in later years you got your photo on milk cartons for the missing children. This mom in the series they lived in Mexico and she was able to catch up with her children in France, and then Israel. He told the children lies about their mom. These children twice tried to run away and when their mom found them in Israel they were in this camp. She was allowed to visit them but the children at first were scared of her because of all the lies.

The judge ordered the Father to come back to Mexico for the trial as Israel didn’t have an extradition policy. I still couldn’t believe the Father was allowed to escort the children back to Mexico alone and again tried to hide the children. In the end he gave the children back to their mom and they didn’t see their father for 20 years. The daughter Tamara wrote the book ” No One Saw Us Leave.”

My mom looked for us at my dad’s parents house we were staying there apparently. The day she came with her family my dad has stashed us next door with the neighbors. I can’t imagine knowing your children are so close but you can’t see them. The other difference was the mom in the series at least had communication a small amount with the dad. My mom had nothing for 12 years. My dad took my brother and I to Ireland and I never saw her again for 12 years. I was almost 2 when we left and my brother was 5 and a half.

My mom had private detectives looking for us. My dad has run again to Ireland. That’s where I grew up. In the series the dad looked after his children. In our case we experienced the worst abuse possible.

I remember my dad sitting me on his lap one day and telling me that he took us because my mom was mentally ill and she couldn’t look after us.

My mom never stopped looking for us. 12 years later my dad wrote my mom and sent photos and said she could see us, but if she tried to take us he would leave and never come back. Ireland similar to Israel does not have an extradition policy. We both eventually came back to Canada to live.

As I write this yes this upsets me and my dad was never prosecuted. I could have done that, but I had 5 younger siblings and I didn’t want them to grow up with no parents. So both him and my mom were never prosecuted.

Nine years ago I forgave my dad and step mom for everything that happened to me as a child. That’s why now I stand for children/ animals who have no voices. That’s why I stand on the truth.

What happened to me as a child made me into the person that I am today. I am strong and I have massive passion for others especially those in trauma. My mom is the strongest person I know and I’m so glad that she’s my mom. My step dad was the best dad I ever had.  I always wanted in my life  a dad to love me and he filled those shoes in more ways then one. My story had a happy ending and I’m blessed.

That’s why I wrote my memoirs on my blog. I didn’t want to write a book because my 5 siblings are still alive and I needed to protect them. Their dad and mom never treated them like my brother and I were treated. They were too young to know what happened or fully understand it. I’m happy with my life and I still get to share mine with two of my siblings. I’ve not seen them in 30 years. God’s in charge of that. Maybe one day we will reconcile. That has been my prayer and hope. ❤️

Today has been week since the ostrichs have been slaughtered. I miss watching them on the lives that were on the farm. I love how curious they were and they loved people. People came from far and wide to see them. Many of them lived for 35 years raised from chicks. They all had names and everyone of them loved to be called by them. They would dance and twirl when they were really happy. They were pets at the farm. I’ve seen some beautiful videos of them with their owners.

Here are some facts about ostrichs from the internet. Ostriches are large, flightless birds native to Africa that are known for their speed, size, and large eggs. They are the world’s tallest and heaviest birds, reaching up to 9 feet tall and weighing over 300 pounds, and are capable of running up to 45 mph. They are omnivores that live in grasslands and savannas, have a lifespan of 30-40 years in the wild, and use powerful kicks to defend themselves. 

These ostrichs had herd immunity used in Science in Japan to use their antibodies. They were going to be used for our good in our world to help wipe out H1N1. This is destroying our farmers and their animals. It also had antibodies to help with Covid 19.  So for the good I’m our country. All wiped out because we are being forced to take medications not using natural things.

Another reason I joined the company that I use. It’s drug free technology that using zero drugs based on science. It feels good to stand with people and companies like this.

Today all over the world people are lighting candles to remember these mighty creatures. Yesterday the CFIA and the RCMP left the farm. Destroyed the land and left the kill pen for them to clean up. Justice will prevail. The truth will shed light on this darkness. To the 330 ostrichs your lives will not be in vain.

Here is a great video to end this blog. To see how happy each of these birds was and how they were loved to the end.

https://youtu.be/K4TdTSbAzpo?si=OsyiW8RYNh1vxJLQ

I don’t usually get involved with things that are happening around the world, especially in my country. I’ve been quiet because I’m in shock and been so numb I couldn’t breathe. I wrote about the Universal Ostrich Farm in my last blog and followed what has been happening. I saw things that I can’t believe are happening in Canada.

Last Thursday the Supreme Court dismissed the case so the ostrichs were to be culled. Without any warning to anybody on the farm the family, people that were there to support them including children. The CFIA rounded up the ostrichs into the kill pen they had made. They waited until it was dark and for hours on end they shot 900 to 1,000 rounds of ammunition killing the healthy birds. Apparently it’s illegal to shoot any animal in the dark.

I’m not putting up photos because even just writing this is hard. The ostrichs were massacred in the night leaving the family and others around them traumatized. This is in Canada. Really because I feel like this was a war zone and like we were in Afghanistan. I saw war when I lived in Ireland. This was on a farm in the middle of nowhere in Canada. This was the bloodiest kill ever.

How is this right! Why couldn’t the CFIA have followed their rules that they make to cull so that it doesn’t traumatize the birds in the process. The farm is fighting back with many Canadians that these rules need to changed and there is huge investigation in how things were handled on the farm. The RCMP continue to be there 6 days later and the CFIA are covering up the slaughter.

To top it off the ostrichs were put into big garbage bins and taken to Vancouver to dispose of them. These are the same birds they claimed were infected. They were healthy for 11 months. Disposed of like trash. It’s devestating. That family and others will never be the same again. The words from the farmers were they messed with the wrong family.

Maybe the birds dying will be part of the change we need in Canada. I pray that the polices will change so that no farmer will ever have to go through this again. I pray people will wake up. Our country is in trouble.

Today is Remembrance Day and we stand and honor those who died and have fought for our country. There is a retired Sargent right now at the farm. His name is Mike Rudd he fought for our country in places like Afghanistan, and Bosnia. He watched many people die on the front lines and to this day he serves people and gives back. He said the other day to the RCMP why did I go and fight to make Canada free? We need to wake up.

I feel righteous anger and have shed many tears. This is not right the way this whole thing played out. I know the ostrichs are dancing now in heaven and their family will see them again. I pray that their deaths change will come.

Thank you to all the men and woman who have died and have served and are serving our country. May we Remember each of you today.

I hate Halloween so much. I often feel uneasy about it and I hate scary costumes. As a kid growing up in Ireland I can remember wanting to go out and trick a treat and my family not letting me go for whatever stupid reason they came with. Like most holidays I had to sit and watch my siblings participate. I would cry so much and if I did get to go. I was frightened by people’s costumes. It was always so dark and I just felt uneasy.

As an adult now I know that I’m safe but I still dislike the holiday so much. I don’t dress up at school. I will wear orange and black. I enjoy seeing the kids costumes they are cute and kids love Halloween. I usually just watch Tv and hang out like every other night.

This year I’m on my clean eating plan so no candy for me. Safe safe out there everyone.