One of my bosses lent me 3 books on writing as I told her I was writing my memoirs. This is the first one I cracked open the other day. I love it a lot, because it’s got short stories everyday and quotes from differnt people some of the things that have stood out to me was things I have felt but was not sure how I was supoosed to feel about them. This is the kind of book you could read day by day, but because it was lent to me I couldn’t keep it for a year. I have actually put it on my wish list to buy.
On the 5th day the title of the day is Getting Caught. A group of students were asked if writing felt dangerous to them. One student replied ” Writing is dangerous because you might get caught.” – Ralph Keyes ” Anxiety is not only inevitable part of the writing process but a necessary part. If your not scared your not writing.” For me to write my memoirs is terrifying in some ways and exciting all wrapped in one. It makes me feel really vulnerable and all my secrets will be exposed. I often worry about my proffession, would my co-workers or families I work with judge me for my past. I also know that if I don’t venture out and do this; I would be missing out on sharing an incredible story.
My family comes from the era that we do not tell people our darkest secrets. I’ve been told many times if I need to write, write it in a journal. Do you know how many journals I have more than you could ever imagine. I used to dream of writing my story but I thought for a long time that I was stupid. I was often told I was stupid or dumb and that I would never amount to anything. Guess what they were wrong. I became a woman who has strong passions for children. I love all the children I have taught for the past 30 years. God has given me a huge heart for those that are picked on or are different in some way. I was often told I did not belong. God gave me a heart that understands those hard topics that people will run away from. I understand addiction, sucide, depression, abuse, feeling so hungry I thought I would die. I wrote even as a child stuck in hell. I now know this writing helped me survive, so if I can survive all these things I can survive writing my memoirs.
Since I confessed about why I had orginally wanted to write my memoirs I have written 5 pages. I have that flare to write again and the words drip off the pages of the book. I can’t wait to sit down and write, so everyday I will write something. I turn on my favorite music and put on my headphones and I write. Sometimes when I write I feel happy or sad or a hard memory will come up and it’s tough. Sometimes I will reflect on that painful memory and cry or stop and pray and keep going out. I think bit by bit I will get through this book. I have written 67 pages so far. I’m proud of myself for getting this far.
My counselor is a wise woman she often says to me if I sit in those hard memories I won’t die. I hate feeling hard emotions or feelings but yes she’s right. I’ve not died yet…………. The book is about hard painful things but also happy memories all rolled into one. I’m thankful that I can walk this journey with each of you, I have a lot of awesome people in my life. God gives me the strength to get through those hard times and I believe all this writing will bring FREEDOM for me.
” Writing is not a hobby. Collecting stamps or coins is a hobby, writing is a calling.” Day 3 Holy calling from A year of Writing Dangerously by Barbara Abercrombie