Confession

This morning I was reflecting on why I love writing on my blog, but my book seems to be back on the shelf again. I was talking to my husband about it and came to realize that I originally started to write this book as a way to get back at the people who hurt me. They hurt me so this was my way to hurt them. I told myself and others that this book would bring hope and encouragement.  I have struggled writing it from day one and often had to put it out of my mind. I told myself it’s hard to write because of the content of my past. That is tough but deep down I now know it’s because this book was not my story through God, it was my story about me and revenge. I hate admitting that but I also know that confession is a must to put the situation in the LIGHT.  

Along the way God changed my heart about my dad and my stepmom and in one of my blogs I wrote about the forgiveness and how God took that hate and blackness I carried in my heart and filled it up with love.  I truly do want to write this book to encourage others. I want people to know that no matter what you have gone through in your life that God looks after us  and we can do anything.  I could have given up many times or let addiction take over my life. Instead I wanted a better life and I have worked so hard to do what God wants for me.

I want my memoirs to glorify God as it’s my story through Him. This morning I prayed that God helps me write this book and that He gives me the right words to write. I want my heart to shine in every word that is written. I want that love to shine through even when it’s tough to read.  I now know that even though my past was very hard and tough and painful, that shaped who I am today and that is why I will fight for those hard things because I am a survivor.  People who know me well call me fiesty. Fiesty is a good trait if it is used in the right way, it means to me that I will never give up no matter what. I will fight and stand on the TRUTH no matter what.

I realized today that I’m ready to write this book to honor God.  Thank you Lord for showing me what this block was. My goal is to write everyday and before I will know it, it will be written. I tell people this is one of the hardest things I have done as it’s painful at times to remember but I also need to remember that I’m free from all of that pain and now I’m free from unforgiveness. That was massive in my life.  Unforgiveness for me was a huge weight that was drowning me that I could bearly breathe. I thought it only effected me in addiction but now I realize it impacted my life in huge ways. It effected me writing and now that explains to me why I struggled so much with this book.  

I look forward to writing and I will still blog and maybe even write about some of it here. I’m off to tackle the book now. Thanks for listening to me.