January was a tough month

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January was a really tough month for me. It seemed to rain it poured at the same time. I had 3 major things happen one after the other. I’m ready for a rest from it all. The first thing was I slipped in the tub and brusied my whole right side. I’m so lucky and blessed I didn’t break anything.  It took about a week to recover. Then I became extremely tired I thought it was from my fall. Then I got that bad news from work about not getting that  big raise and the back pay because I work with a special needs that was a huge blow to me, not just the money; but that I’m not appreciated at work for the job I do. The tiredness continued and I figured it was stress.

As I continued to ignore what was happening I then got pain which I recongized the symptons and lack of appetite and nausea. I went to the ER and Got checked out and I have elevated white blood cells they were high but not off the chart. I had another attack of diverticulitis. Diverticulitis is bulging pouches in the lining of your colon and they become infected and inflamed. I experienced lower pain in my stomach problems with my stools not having any, loss of appetite, bloating, fever ( I don’t ever get fevers ) nausea and I had really bad vertigo. I remember last year having similar symptons so I was right. They caught it early so I was sent home with 2 really strong antibiotics and had to start on a clear diet for 2-3 days and then a low-fiber diet and then back to normal eating. It took me a week to feel back to myself again. 

I realized that my tiredness was a sign I was not feeling good for about 3 weeks. It really kicked me down this diverticulitis and had to take a whole pile of time off without pay. I did manage 3 half days to come home exhausted. 10 days of antibiotics and 6 days worth of anti-fungal mediction for a huge throat yeast infection. When I get sick, I get really sick. I was glad to put January behind me.

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Yesterday, I went back into PTSD symptons with this winter storm. For 4 hours I struggled with many different emotions and I realized I need to work on how to stop those feelings from getting so big that my body starts reacting from so much stress and I feel so immobilized  and I was at work so I had to stay and cope with those feelings. The more I heard about it from others the more I became terrified. I need coping skills before it esculates. That flight mode was huge in me but I was trapped I wanted to go home and feel safe. I phoned my husband on my lunch break and he prayed with me and I remember him telling me that I was safe and it would be ok. I also knew I was safe but when I’m in PTSD all I felt was super vulnerable and fearful. My poor body went through hell and I panicked and then when I drove home it was all right, it took me 4 more hours to calm myself down.

Today I have felt rough from all the stress that happened yesterday. That’s twice in the last few momths my body had gone to PTSD. Geesh I hope this is not happens in menopause. I know the hormones change but I could seriously pass on this. Today I’m back to feeling really tired and just feeling emotionally down. I isolated myself in my home because I didn’t want to go anywhere. These emotions are real and hard.  

Some good news yesterday I celebrated a year and a half of sobriety. I never thought I’d ever feel free of my addiction. IT just seemed to haunt me all the time. I’m very proud of myself. I have many people to thank for this> First of all God I could not do this journey of life without Him. I’m so thankful for my many friends that love and support me, for my pastors and their wives. My counselor who is not afraid to ask me those hard questions. My woman’s addiction group. I love these woman so much. I’m glad I get to do sobriety with each of you.   

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