I’m having a tough time with emotions…..


Instead of sitting at home wrestling with a bunch of emotions I decided to write about them. Writing I find therapeutic as oppossed to sitting in those emotions and doubts. I hate feeling hard emotions and every person I talk to who has had addiction in their lives will tell you emotions are hard.  One of the reasons I turned to addiction was to block out those horrible feelings. At least these emotions I can control in some way and they are not scary. This past week though I have felt like hopping into bed and never coming out. Good thing I have a job that I cannot hide from but I did retreat to my home this weekend.

I need to trust God with my decisions He is the one who looks after me always.  I feel a lot of doubt and scared and at times overwhelmed.  Change is hard for me that unknown feeling, will I be good enough, will I have what it takes to be good at the job that is expected of me. I sat down this weekend and stared at my resume for a long time and as I was adding things into it a feeling of panic washed over me.  I have the skills to be an EA in the school sysyem but do I have enough or will I be able do what is asked of me. I’m really good at my job now and I love all children but I have limited experience with older children. I did enjoy them when I worked in after school care and I will be helping children that need more in the school.

I know the Early Childhood field so well and loved it but now I’m not challenged in it anymore I want to work with special needs children.  It’s a big change for me, but that’s my fear talking as everyone I know tells me I will be a perfect fit in this new job. I then have to be confident in my interview. I always seem to get tongue tied and waffley. I’m praying that if this is what I’m indeed intended to do that God will help me bold and confident as I go for an interview.  A woman I know who is a principal in the school system has offered to help me with my resume.  

I have a lot of support and I just need to believe in myself. One of the little boy’s theraptist’s told me on Friday that she will miss working with me in the setting I am in. It will be a big change but I need to remember that God will look after me no matter what. I will embrace this change and see where it leads me. I’m not going to worry about my future for today I must think only of today.


3 thoughts on “I’m having a tough time with emotions…..

  1. It is hard dealing with emotions. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit guiding you. The best thing about pouring our hearts out on paper (or computers) is being able to tear them up or burn them (or delete) afterwards. But when God has a purpose for them, they become blessings and encouraging… like they have for me. Thank you for sharing.
    Praying for you as you follow your path with Him. He is worth it! God loves you!


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