I’m having a tough time

I’m having a tough time. It’s been almost 7 months since my husband left to live in the USA. I miss him a lot in so ways and others not so much. I’m not sure where that leaves me. I’ve been doing a good job with grieving and it’s less and less but today is a hard day.

I’m missing my routine of school and hanging out with friends or family. Being able to go anywhere you want and do things. I met one of the teachers from the school I grew to love so much this year and we had a great chat in the Parking lot of the grocery store. Good to see her but we both commented on how much life has changed. I was just thinking of kids at that school while I drove to pick up masks.

It’s been a tougher year for me this year with hurting my back and hip at work the end of January. I’ve bearly worked this year and now I’ve been laid off. It makes me sad because I love school and helping the kids. One good thing about all of this is I’m able to do respite care for the boy I worked with before. I’m helping him do his kindergarten lessons at home. I live spending time with this boy. He lights up my life so much. I’m Thankful I get to see him 3x a week. That also breaks up my days of just staying at home.

People who know me well know that I love animals. I love rabbits so much. Some call me the bunny whisper I’ve done things with rabbits I never thought I’d ever do. I have hand fed rabbits whose mothers could not feed them enough. I’ve rescued rabbits and fed them. Yesterday I rehomed one of my rabbits. I’ve had to retire both my male and female they are to old to continue breeding. 3 weeks ago my female gave birth to a very cute little baby rabbit. I stayed up most of the night making sure babies were born in the nest or helping when a baby got stuck.

It’s funny how and why I love rabbits they are the lowest animals on the totem pole. I’m sad to rehome my buck but the home he’s gone to is incredible and I could not pass up that opportunity. That doesn’t help with my sadness today. Life Before the pendemic was hard enough now this life I’m finding tough. I hope soon we can go back to some normalcy. I’m ready for that. I now find myself coordinating my masks with my wardrobe.

I know I will get through this like everyone else. It’s funny I’m at home a lot now and I’m writing less and less. Writing is good for my soul. How is everyone else doing during this pendemic? Tonight I will just pray more and reach out to those who I love. Thanks for listening. ❤️

9 thoughts on “I’m having a tough time

  1. Aw, Thanks for sharing your heart out. Writing is good for everyone’s soul, but it takes a tremendous amount of courage to reach that deep. Again, thanks. PS: I had 8 rabbits when I was a child!

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  2. Jes Sugrue

    Ah, somebunny to love 🙂
    I get it Sarah, the coping with too many changes all at once. For me, it’s no longer being a Mama Cat having lost all three of my senior (19-22 yr old) cats in just over a year, with Kleo just weeks ago. I missed her nighttime cuddles but not her waking me up. Now my dog Zeke has decided to sleep on the bed – and is loving being an only child. Now I’m breathing easier without the fur and kitty litter dust. But I keep hearing ghost meows. My imagination is playing tricks on me that pull at my heartstrings. I was laid-off from my new preschool job – which helped me focus on other things including facetime tutoring my grandkids – and seeing more of my son that I have in decades! Another bonus. But I’m yearning to see friends and family in person, including my church family. I’ve even dreamt about the guilty pleasure of hugs. Every negative seems to have an upside but there are temporary energy/emotion sucking vortexes you just have to hold onto Jesus higher through. Highs and lows feel more like one of those heart monitor thingies, with bouts of anxiety and sleeplessness. I can embrace joy. I can usually handle anxiety. But having both simultaneously is a bit harder to handle. And watching people who aren’t physical distancing, being Covidiots, well I didn’t realize what a loud, hissing lioness I can be when the wrong person gets too close – even as I miss the closeness. I love all the videos of animals taking back territory, like the sheep on the playground carousel, then I go borrowing worry that all the insights we’ve made through the peace of our planet will be lost within days or weeks of returning to “normal.” Wow – what a longwinded comment. Thanks for triggering it, I guess I was holding a lot more in that I thought 😉 xox

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