Today is hard day with emotions. I’m having a hard time moving forward. I guess what it brings up is when I have to move forward from things no longer in my life. Occasionally I still feel grief from the ending of my marriage. In so many ways that’s been good for me. I finally get to figure out who I am in my life. I get to make decisions that were made for me. I get to decide how and what I want in my life. My life is good right now. I have an awesome amazing job and kidlets I get to just hang out with and help them feel happy when they are sad or just need a friend. I work with an amazing woman who teaches me everyday. I love her heart it’s very much like mine. She cares and has the greatest compassion.
Even though things are really good I’m grieving the loss of an important relationship in my life. I know I’ve written about it before but it doesn’t just go away. I’m time out will fade and I won’t be as sad. Grief hits us in many different ways. I’m so much more healthier now and don’t need this person in my life. I can’t explain it but we had a good healthy relationship. I knew that one day I would have to say goodbye. I just didn’t realize how hard it would be. It’s been a long 3 weeks in many ways but I’ve continued making healthy choices. I decided about a month ago that I wanted to learn how to play the Ukulele. I’m loving it so much. To me it’s an outlet to my grief and there’s lots to learn. My grad often hurts but it’s a good healthy hurt. Right now I’m learning you are my sunshine. My next song I’m wanting to learn is Amazing Grace. I love that song.
I’m also coloring which is something I love to do it’s super mindless which is good. I also dragged out my puzzles. I love to do them and put on my favorite music. Writing is a huge outlet for me in my grief. So many great things to do. I also joined a Bible study that starts next week. It’s from the book One thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp she’s a Canadian blogger. Her book talks about one thousand gifts and things of gratitude that are thankful for. There is so much to be thankful for. I’m looking forward to her study it’s people all over the world doing it. With so much uncertain this is a great study to see all the things we are grateful for. I will let you know how it is.
As I grieve today, I am reminded that I would not be where I am today without this person. They say when one door closes another one opens. I also can encourage others who feel like I did or just need a word of hope. As the tears come today, I need to let them flow and I need to be Thankful in my heart.
What are you Thankful for today?