Grief

Grief I’m sick of it. This year has been one of my toughest years I’ve had in a very long time. I know we must go through grief to move on with our lives but I’ve had three lots of it this year. That’s a lot more than most have to do. First I was still grieving Larry moving to the US and being gone. I was married for 19 years and yes our life was not perfect but I loved him. Slowly I got used to being in my own and being surrounded by my friends and now I hardly grieve at all from that.

Then I quit a counseling relationship one I had built for the last 6 years. A person who stood by me in so many areas of my life. It was my decision to leave and I feel I can do it on my own but I did not realize how much it would hurt leaving. This person is someone who I could reach out to if I was having a good day or a hard day or I just needed to know what I was doing was right. She was there a lot for me. I still am grieving that relationship. I miss her a lot.

Then on Sunday my grandpa died. He Almost made it to his 105th birthday. He died of old age. It’s been a hard week for me. Really hard. Work has been so good to me and I was able to take off five days. I’m so glad because I can’t concentrate on much and I get frustrated easily. I’m Exhausted it takes all I have to just get up and do things. I’ve forced myself to put up Christmas lights, go out today. When I am feeling not so raw I will write about my grandpa he was an amazing man. As I was sitting in my grief a couple of days ago I realized that my grandpa is the only grandpa I was able to have a proper relationship with in my life.

When I found my mom again I got to know her mom and dad my grandparents for only for a short while before they both died. I bearly remember my other grandparents and I hardly ever saw them. Grandpa Jack accepted me into his life and I’ve had such an incredible long relationship with him. He loved people and he loved to laugh. Everyone loved him so much. I’m so blessed he helped mold me into who I am today. I love you Grandpa RIP❤️