PTSD

One of the reasons I got caught into alcoholism was because of remembering the awful things that had happened to me. I lived in hell for 12 years and then when I got out of that and moved to Canada and got away from that nightmare. The nightmare appeared in other ways. My mom knew what something was wrong but had no idea what it was. I reacted to things as I was very sensitive and I was jumpy all the time. One day I was downtown meeting my mom at her store and a car back fired in the distance and I jumped and freaked out and I was at a cross walk and all these people were looking at me weirdly. Loud noises freaked me out and they still do. I was always super heightened if people were around me.

After being out of that abusive environment I kept thinking I saw my dad and stepmom downtown and they were coming to get me to take me back. I would see someone who liked like my dad and I would be so overcome with fear that my mind would go blank and had no idea what had happened. I would lose time but had no idea why. The nightmares were the worst where I would wake up sweating or screaming. They seemed so real.

My mom sent me to counseling to see if talking about it would help. I went to see this really nice lady. I hated talking about what had happened to me especially about the abuse. This counselor helped me with many things including trying to get me sober from alcohol. I went to a woman’s group for AA, but had a really hard time figuring out how I fit in there. The people were nice and I got a sponsor but being the only Christian in there I couldn’t relate to what was being said. My mom started coming to counseling with me and I will never forget the look and how she felt when she heard how my brother and I were treated in Ireland.

All she wanted to know was if my dad had taken us that he at least looked after us. I can’t imagine the shock and horror she felt when she knew. Now it would take years and years even a lifetime to get over such trauma. One thing I know is that you never forgot what you’ve been through but there is freedom and redemption eventually. I’m not sure how many years I went to see this first lady. I feel healing is in layers so different people help in different stages of my life. I’m grateful for this lady and still keep in touch with her. Thank you for helping me in my journey MB. ❤️

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