I’m coming up to five years of sobriety from addiction. Wow I never imagined I would ever be free from it but with lots of tools in my toolbox and great accountability I’ve made it. My sobriety date is August 8th which is next Monday. Sobriety is all about choosing what I need to do and if I get triggered then I reach out to people, I love listening to my favorite music, get out and do something different, blog, read God’s word and pray. I’ve learned recently that tapping is a great way to relieve stress.
Many of my friends already know how God showed me how to break free of my addiction. I had been trapped in it for a long time. No matter how hard I tried I always fell back into the grip of it. Addiction makes you feel so low and full of shame and I hated myself everytime it happened. God showed me brushing my teeth one day that the root to my addiction was the hatred I carried in my heart. He was right I hated my dad and stepmom for how they treated me as a child. I hated them for not sticking up for me and beating me and locking me in my bedroom. I wanted them both to suffer like I had. My heart was black from the hate and everytime I hated them I fell in addiction and it was a vicious cycle.
How do you break from that? I had no idea how. I had an opportunity to go to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch at Christmas time. I was fed up of my marriage and my family and I needed some time away and so I headed to the high desert. I stayed with my good friend and her husband. I also connected with other friends I know there one of them being Kim she’s one of the founders of the ranch. I love this woman. Our friendship has grown over the years and she loves God more then anybody I know. For our meeting we walked in the wilderness through the sage bushes and when it should be covered in snow the trail was covered in dust and the sun beamed down on both of us. It felt so good on our faces. I live at sea level so walking high up in the desert is hard on my lungs we walked and talked and then I couldn’t walk any more as my head was pounding. We stopped to pray in amongst the dust and the Sage bushes.
I told Kim what God had told me brushing my teeth about freedom from addiction. I told her where was God when I was curled up on the floor in my room calling out to someone to help me. It’s funny I don’t remember much of my childhood but I do remember that day. I had been beaten again and locked back into my room. I cried and cried so much. Kim said to me describe my bedroom. I did and I said I was alone in the room and lonely. The room was dark and I sat on the floor with my head in my lap crying. She asked me to look again and that I was not alone. I looked and right behind me was Jesus. He had His hand in my shoulders and it was light behind me. I cried so much because I always thought I was alone but now I knew that God had been with me every step of the way. How else do you survive all that abuse? Jesus had stood with me and when I could stand no longer he picked me up and carried me.
What a realization that was and I prayed and forgave my dad and stepmom for all the things that they had done to me as a child. How they never protected me and all the things that had happened. I cried so much the tears just coming. All that pain I had carried for all those years. All that hate it poured out and was washed away. I had forgotten I was out with Kim because I felt it was just God and I out in the wilderness. I stood up and I felt so much lighter, my pounding headache was gone and my breathing was great and I felt really happy.
For me the test would be when I went home would I be able to stay sober. Guess what it’s now almost 5 years and I never went back into addiction. The root of the addiction had been broken and occasionally I will pray for my dad and stepmom. I no longer feel that hate in my heart. God has given me a huge heart for others. I feel the pain people feel and I understand when people are hurting especially children at risk. That pain was turned into love and my love is given to each person I meet. Not only that I understand why people are caught in addiction and how hard it is to get free from it. From that day forward I’m so glad that I have an amazing support system. Sharing our stories is another part of sobriety because maybe someone out there needs to know there is hope. There is always hope. It may not seen like it sometimes but God is with us no matter what we have done. That love goes a long way. ❤️
Beauty from Ashes. 