7 years ago I forgave my dad for all that had happened to me growing up. It was the root to that held me in bondage to my addiction. Since forgiving him I have had 7 years of freedom. Even though it’s hard to forgive those that have hurt you for me it ended up in freedom. It also does not mean you will ever forget what happened. That is etched in my brain forever. A few years ago I connected with him and some of my siblings two in fact . The one sibling that I wanted to connect with does not want to. That’s been hard for me but I’ve not spoken to her in 35 years. Correspondence is sparce but at least it’s a connection and I’m ok with that. I am happy that I can write to my other siblings. I have nothing in common with them and they live a very different life then mine.
I think about if things had been different I wouldn’t be the woman I am today and I may never have met my mom. I got the short end of the stick with my family in Ireland. I lost all the relationships I had with them and now they know me as Sarah who lives in Canada. I’m not part of their daily lives . I’m bearly part of anything and that makes me sad all because of the choices our dad made.
I know things happen for a reason and even though I long to get to know my siblings I don’t ever know how that can happen. They were super young when I left and they were caught up in the craziness of what happened to my brother and I . They also don’t know the side that my brother and I do with our dad and their mom. I recently saw a post that my dad had written about how he supports children and how important they are in the world. I know he loves his children a lot but why was my brother and I treated so badly.
My heart has so peace now and I don’t feel like I used to. All I want now is some connection to these people. I’m glad I was able to forgive that could never happen without God’s grace and love. That is not something I could ever have done on my own. I’m super happy now in my life and even though the past is in the past , I still long that bigger connection with my siblings. I don’t know if that will happen in this lifetime. It’s a loss I feel in my heart ♥️
Maybe that connection would cause more pain only God knows that. For now I trust that what I have maybe is all I will ever have. I’m not sure how to have relationships with them. It always brings up lots of pain. I’m done with all that pain. As I write I realize that that pain took a long time to heal. God always knows what is best for His children.
Beauty from Ashes. 