Author: walking in freedom

Been at home all week sick. When your sick you have lots of downtime while your resting. I started watching Real life movies on Netflix. I watched one each day and I love real life stories because they are inspiring to me. A theme I saw in almost all of them was that they would never amount to much in their lives. Each person had a dream that seemed so out of reach. Something that no ordinary person was going to achieve.

I watched them work over and above to reach their goals never giving up no matter how hard it was. Working harder then anybody else. Day and night practicing. Living and breathing what they wanted to do. A lot of their families thinking they were totally nuts. Some families giving up their lives to help them reach those goals. Believing in them no matter what.

Determination and never giving up no matter what, even if your told you can’t do it. Believing in yourself. I saw myself in many of these people. I may not be famous like these people are but I was one of those people who strived to be who I wanted to be in life.

I was told many times by many people that I would amount to nothing including teachers at school. I was stupid. Those words hurt and you grow up thinking your a failure. Your not good enough so why bother trying. I never tried in school in Ireland. If I stupid then why bother trying.

When I moved from Ireland to Canada I was stuck in that mentality. I realized after a lot of hard work failing over and over again that I was not stupid. My brain had never been challenged so I had no idea that it just needed to work like it’s supposed to do.

I was at grade 4 level in English and lower in Math. I went to a place after school every day to learn how to catch up with my peers. It was hard times when I leaned to quit. I’m 3 years I came up to college level in English.

I wanted to work with children but I needed to pass my English to get into the program. I failed from high school to college. So I waited a year and took it again. I passed and took my psychology course 2x as well. I got a tutor who helped me pass my course.

In my Early Childhood Education program I managed to do my course work but I could not pass my first practicum. I watched my class graduate without me. I was devastated. I worked a year out in the field and came back and took my practicum again and passed with flying colors.

Even though it was so hard for me to watch my class graduate without me, it was the best thing for me because I have been able to do things and been given opportunities that most people never have had. My teachers at school heard my story and they rallied around me whatever I needed they were there. They had faith in me. When I graduated there was a standing ovation.

I had a chance to go to school in Ottawa and get my diploma. I had opportunities that no other student has ever been given. I was able to work on pilot projects and one of the placements I had was at a head start program. That was a really tough place to be , but I had an instructor who told me that the time those children come to the preschool you make it the best time. I never forgot that. It shaped me into who I am today.

Each one of the people in those real life stories they worked over and above and become the person they had dreamed of becoming. How inspiring is that. Never ever give up on your dreams. They can come true. It takes determination, dedication, belief and finding people who believe the same things you do. So next time you’re told you won’t amount to anything, remember that’s a lie and you can reach the stars.⭐🌟

I always thought I was forgotten by my dad in Ireland. I moved away from my family in 1985. They were the only family I knew growing up. If you’ve read my memoirs they are in my blog you know that growing up my brother and I was hell. For years I had questions about how and why my dad and step mom treated us the way they did. I will never know and I’m fine with that. I know who I have become despite what I experienced. Both my brother and I have overcome amazing odds. That is truly a miracle.

It used to bother me so much seeing photos of my family in Ireland and how great a person my dad is. People look up to him and love his art. He’s a very popular artist. I guess he used his pain to draw and paint beautiful things. I saw his art as an escape that he loved more than me. He drew and painted lots and ignored his family. He got trapped in generational abuse. They say that abuse will continue in your family. I love that my brother and I were able to break that and that abuse stopped. Some people believe that if your abused then you will abuse your children or those around you. Now I know that’s not true.

Those photos of my family celebrating life but it’s missing two children. I thought I was forgotten because I moved away and chose to stay away. It hurt because how can you forget your children. I always wanted people to know who my dad and step mom where and the secret that they carried. Forgiveness stopped all of that and I don’t feel that anymore. I don’t know why they did what they did to my brother to I . I don’t need to know.

Monday was birthday and my dad sent me a really cute video of a baby Robin he was feeding and wished me Happy birthday. I realized that I am not forgotten no matter how far away I live. I have been wished Merry Christmas, Happy New year. I get letters and art he’s drawn. He obviously has never forgotten who I am. I’m glad that gives me peace of mind as I get older.

I know things happen for reasons. So many things we just don’t understand but you know what we don’t have to know that. I know what I’m doing right now and how I’m living my life. I’m supposed to be here right where I am. I love that about life the mystery and not to take anything for granted.

Make your life the fullest it can be. We only get to live it once. How are you living your life?

Remember when we were young and we thought 55 was really old. Now it’s just a number that we don’t think much of. It’s funny the kids in my class yesterday told me that I just turned 95, 85, or 65. Obviously to them I’m old. You know your only as old as you feel .

I was reflecting today of the last 55 years and realized that I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Some I had no control over but so much that I did have control over. I’ve lived a life that most would never want to live, but I also know the hardships made me into the strong woman I am today. It’s given me a massive heart for those who are hurting and compassion for those who have suffered trauma. It’s helped me be a person that children trust. It’s given me huge insight into why children act the way they do.

As I’ve said before it’s like looking in the mirror and seeing what I saw as a child. I could not have done any of this without the Lord in my life. He’s the one who is my protector who looks after me no matter what. I think of how hard I had to work to get what I wanted in my life. I never gave up, no matter how hard it was. I love how even now God sends me Bald Eagles to let me know that it’s ok and that He is there.

I think of all the people who have come and gone in my life. Some were really hard to let go of like the siblings I have in England and Ireland. Lies separated us those are hard to deal with. Two of siblings I have some contact with and occasionally with my dad. Forgiveness was massive with all of that and that’s what helped me stop addiction in my life. That was the missing link.

Other relationships that have come and gone there’s a plan in all of it even if we don’t understand it. I’m really happy I’m my life learning who I am and how I fit in the world. I love the person I’ve become in Christ. I love what He teaches me everyday and because of Him I have had lasting relationships. Some of friends have been in my life for a very long time. I value these friendships. Some of friends went home to be with the Lord. Those have been hard losses but happy I will see them again in heaven.

I have a wonderful family some are close and others further away but all very important in my life. Family is really important because not having it growing up makes you appreciate it more.

I have met some amazing people and my second home is in Bend, Oregon. When I step off the plane I feel at home with huge peace in my life. That’s my happy place. So throughout my 55 years I am humbled and blessed and wouldn’t change a thing.

Thank you to all those who support me. Those who know me and those I’ve met in the blogging world. I’m wondering when you read my blog and if you like it, can you like it please. That way more people will be able to come and read what I write. I write to help others to know that no matter where you come from in life that there’s nothing that you can’t do. To many more years.❤️

No matter what we go through in our lives. God is always enough for us. God has been in life for so long that I have no idea what is like to not have Him there. A couple of weekends ago I was hanging out with a family member and they are in lots of pain and it’s hard to function in life. They told me that life was not worth living. I was really surprised that, that is how they were feeling. I realized later driving home that if you don’t have Christ in your life. What do you have to look forward to? Where do you have Hope in your life? You obviously have nothing. That’s really sad.

I love how God provides for all our needs. He even looks after the birds and the animals. Scripture: but He said to me ,”My grace is sufficient for you, For my power is made perfect in weakness,” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, to insults, in hardships, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

‘Do not fear [anything], for I am with you;
Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’(Isaiah 41:10 )

I love that no matter what we walk thorough in life that God is with us. I love how last week God showed me through a massive bald eagle over my home that He is there and He’s got this no matter what. All I have to be is Obedient to Him and do what He asks of me. I have a shirt that says Pray, Listen and Do.

God never promised it would a bed of roses and that through hardship is when we learn. I realized that there is always someone who has it tougher than I do, so I set my eyes on Him and do the best I can in this life .

I count my blessings everyday there is something to be thankful for. I remember the promises God has shown us in His word. There is nothing that He can’t do. Reach out to the Lord. He’s always working on our lives even if we can’t see it.

I was 14 years old when I first met my mom. I was with her until I was almost 2 but who can remember that. I was on a plane with my brother coming to visit our mom. I had not seen her in 12 years. My brother he remembered her as he was five and a half when we left. I had dreamed many times what was my mom like. My dad had told me things about her which I now know were untrue , but you have to justify why you would take your kids from their mom.

Life somehow had to better then what we were coming from. I had so many questions. We fly into Vancouver airport and finally get through customs. That seemed to take forever. I was glad my brother was with me. So those questions. I will never forget the doors opening at the airport and this woman coming running over and hugging my brother and I just stood there feeling very overwhelmed. Lots of tears from my mom, then she came over and hugged me. I felt nothing this woman was a complete stranger to me.

To my mom’s side was a very tall man which was her husband. He smiled and had very kind eyes. We got into their car and drove to the ferry. My mom’s husband he worked for the ferries so everyone in the boat knew him. We went into the cafeteria and B asked me if I wanted gravy with my fries. What the heck was that? I only knew about ketchup and chips. The ferry ride was beautiful but I was completely exhausted. We got back to their home and I had a room off the study. That would be my space for three weeks.

During the night I was awake with asthma and by morning I was really bad so my mom took me to the clinic. My mom and the doctor were horrified to hear that I was given zero medicine and that I had to wheeze it out. The whole trip triggered it and after getting medication wow I finally could breathe properly. We came at Christmas time and all my mom’s friends wanted to meet us and B’s mom and dad and I realized I had so many people who loved me even though I had no idea who they all were.

It was so weird having a mom who was kind and brought me things and wanted to get to know who I was. I would just call her by her name. One of the hardest things is to get to know someone you have nothing in common with and even though she was my mom she was a complete stranger to me. The three weeks I was there it was nice to feel safe. The space I was given was very overwhelming to me and that I was allowed to eat whenever I wanted or be out of my bedroom and actually be a normal person. Another foreign thing and nobody wanted to hit me or yell at me.

I didn’t want my time to end and it was so hard to leave this family and get back on a plane until the next time.

Eventually I moved to Canada in 1985 with my one small suitcase. The rest is in my memoirs that are in my blog if you’ve not read them.

Today at lunch my mom told me I’ve been here for forty years. I’ve known my mom now for forty two years . I’m so glad that we have an awesome relationship now. It’s taken a long time to get here. I have a true family here and the best stepdad one could ever imagine. Family is not always perfect but I’m so glad this story has a happy ending.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. ❤️

Sparks Lake

Sparks Lake is a large, shallow, trout lake located on the northwest edge of Mount Bachelor, and is the first of the high lakes you see from the Cascade Lakes Highway west of Bend. The views of South Sister, Mount Bachelor, and Broken Top are breathtaking.

Breathtaking is putting it mildly. It’s a huge big shallow lake that you can see the bottom clearly. Mount Bachelor looms around the entire Lake. It was snow capped when I went. I got to go with two very special in my life. It was a birthday gift from them. The peace of the lake was uncanny and the sun beat down on us as we paddled through the volcanic rock. I had never been in that lake but I have to tell you, I can’t wait to get back there again. I will never forget that amazing day.

The lake was so quiet like we were the only ones on it. I sat in awe at the Beauty that surrounded the lake. I also got to see a bald 🦅 eagle take a fish from another bird right in front of our eyes.

I have a photograph of Sparks Lake on my wall in my home that often reminds me of that amazing day. The beauty in the high desert is amazing. I especially love the 3 Sister mountains.

Do you have a favorite place that brings you such peace that you can close your eyes and feel like you are there?

God promises us that no matter what happens He is with us. He will always be in the boat with us. We will still go through trials that’s just part of life. Many trials I’ve been through have made me into the woman I am today. Would I change that. I don’t know. What I went through was horrendous but it’s given me the biggest heart and I so understand those children that have trauma in their lives and I understand. I also know what they need and it’s amazing to watch those children transform. I love that I can ask the right questions and be able to help make someone’s day a whole lot better.

Yesterday I was on my way to see a new counselor and I had been feeling the tightness again about money. It seems like I never can make enough to sustain my lifestyle and that’s just basic living. I’m waiting to go into cheaper housing and I thought maybe there was a space coming up but that will be for me to wait longer. It’s in God’s timing so I’m good with that. I like where I live now but rent in this town is outrageous. On my way I drove in one of my favorite roads and as I was driving to my right I saw this cool stump and on the top of it was a huge bald eagle. Wow I wish I was not driving so I could have stopped and taken a photo but it’s etched in my mind.

Those who know me, know that God sends me bald eagles just when I need them. They show me that God is near and that there is nothing to worry about and that He’s always looking after me. Yes he’s proven that so many times over. I’ve seen some amazing bald eagles. I don’t see them often but I see them and then it reminds me that it’s going to be all right. I often feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck. It’s the coolest feeling. ” For centuries, people have seen eagles as a symbol of beauty, bravery, courage, honour, pride, determination, and grace. This bird is important and symbolic to humanity because of its characteristics.”

For me it’s that reminder that God is with me and I’m going to be ok. God meets all of my needs. I continue to trust Him in all things in my life. Proverbs 3: 5, 6 reminds us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on. your own understanding; in all your ways submit to. Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Next time you feel that God is not there, He’s there and He always is with us. Reach out to Him. What ways do you see that God is there for you?

Love and trust are the key elements you need especially when you work with vulnerable people. Without trust you have nothing and you can’t move forward without that. Sometimes it takes a long time to build that trust. They want to know that you will be there for them no matter what they do.

This brings me back to my childhood and how I distrusted adults. They had proven over and over again that they could not be trusted. Love does win over that theory. I loved school so much even though I didn’t learn much. I came to school to get away from the crappy home I was in. I loved it but it was often confusing for me. So many emotions but I kept them close to me. I never mentioned a word of it to anyone. This was partly because I had challenged my family one day and said I would tell about what what happening in my home and my dad told me that if I did I would be taken away and I would never see my family again. That terrified me so I kept my mouth shut .

Years later I found out that teachers at school knew something was wrong in my home. I learned what teachers I could trust and ones what would call home and life would become even more unbearable. I would seek out the kind ones often. They gave me that love and kindness that I didn’t get at home. They believed in me. I wanted to go home with them. I see that in children I’ve worked with. They would rather join any home but there’s.

It took me a long time to gain trust from one of my students. When they see me now their face lights up and they come and give me a huge hug. They tell me that they were bad before but I tell them that their brain was needing help and now that you have it, you can choose how to make decisions that effect how your day is. They tell me that they have made good decisions and I tell them how proud of them I am and that what happened before was not their fault. There face lights up. I tell them often how proud of them I am. What a difference of who this child was to who they are now.

I look forward to my hugs everyday the check ins. It took a long time to get to where we are today but I never gave up even when it was so hard. I’m so glad that nobody gave up on me either. Sometimes it takes a lot of extra time, love and compassion to help us through. Love conquers everything.

So next time you feel like you can’t get through to someone. Keep persisting. It’s so worth it. Remember the foundation is Trust and Love.

Dementia makes your loved ones almost become a stranger. It strips one of who they used to be. It’s such a crippling diagnosis and it’s very hard to watch what it does. I feel sad and I cry often because I’m watching dementia take away a person I love so much. I see glimpses of the person every now and again but it’s so far and few between. I’m watching a person I love with all of my heart slowly disappear. I never imagined that this would ever happen. It’s not just with the person I know and love but I’m seeing more and more people diagnosed with dementia.

It tears apart families and it’s especially hard on our families. On Sunday I went to visit my dad with mom. When he saw me his face lit up and I asked for a hug and he gave me the biggest hug. I don’t know if he still recognized me but that doesn’t matter because he was connected to me. We had a great visit. He’s very confused which comes with the dementia. Dementia makes him look older then he is. I’ve noticed that he can’t read like he used to and he can only do things for short amounts of time.

This was a man who ran a whole entire fleet of people in his job and was really good at his job where he worked for 19 years. Now he struggles with the most basic tasks. I hate what dementia is doing to him. I never imagined we would be here with him.

So many changes so many things that we have had to do. I keep visiting him and spending the time I do with him. It’s precious time because we don’t know how long any of us have. I pray for him every night and it’s hard to leave him behind when we leave to go home, but we know he’s well taken care of. Until the next time I go and visit. I look forward to my hug and that smile that lights up the whole room. 

Reposting this blog written by Ann Voskamp . I love how she’s written this. Her words are beautiful

https://annvoskamp.com/2024/03/holy-week-pilgrimage-into-the-narrow-way-that-expands-your-heart/