Author: walking in freedom

Those who know me know that I love this place so much. It’s my home away from home. I first heard about Crystal Peaks when I was given a book called Hope Rising written by Kim Meeder. I was at a cross roads in my life whether I wanted God in my life or I would just walk away. The book was so hard to read but I couldn’t put it down. I cried throughout it all. It touched my life so much and it gave me Hope. How could a woman lose both her parents in a tragic way and not give up? She found her hope in Jesus. He was with her every step of her life. She found love through a pony 🐴 that helped her growing up.

She met her husband Troy and they wanted a ranch with horses but all they could afford was a beaten down cinder mine property. It was 9 acres. They rescued a couple of horses and her husband was a landscaper and was able to get free tree’s and plants to put on their property. Even the trees that looked dead from a fire had life in them underneath the black. The book is well worth it’s read. I also read a Bridge called Hope the second book in the series. I love how Kim writes it’s like your there in the story. The stories are amazing but make sure you have a Kleenex handy .

After I read those two books I wanted to meet Kim and Troy and visit Crystal Peaks. I never lost hope that I would visit. In 2009 I was able to visit the ranch. I went with my husband   and a good friend of ours. Crystal peaks put on information clinics that you could go for 3 days and learn how to set up your own ranch.  The first time I stepped on the grounds of the ranch. I felt surreal peace. It was uncanny and I had no idea why. I met amazing people that I’m still friends with today. The staff were amazing and I learned so many great things. In the barn they had a sign that said ENTER AS STRANGERS, LEAVE AS FRIENDS. Some of my good friends two in particular we are friends still today.

I also had the privilege to be able to go in 2010 again with my husband. Again I met amazing people one of them touched my life in a very profound way. Her name was Jenni. Jenni had lymphoma cancer. She didn’t look sick. We bonded immediately and she loved the Lord more then anything. She talked about her children and how much she loved each of them. I kept in touch with her and prayed for her often. God took her home eventually. I was devastated. She was not just a staff member at the ranch but had so many other jobs as well. Before the cross you see there was put up when her family came to spread her ashes ,I had the privilege of spreading them up there. It’s the highest point in the ranch and when you stood up there you could see everything. I call it the little piece of heaven. It’s glorious. The mountains are breathtaking. It was Jenni’s favorite place. Her son helped build the cross that is a favorite for many to climb up and sit up on the bench. It reminds me of you Jenni everytime I see it.

When I first came to the ranch it was   9 acres and were lots of horses that they have rescued over the years. These horses had come from horrific situations and their lives have been transformed by them coming to the ranch. The reach matched children and horses together and it’s so powerful the healing that happens for both the horse and the child.

Every time I get off the plane in Redmond, I know I’m home. Bend Oregon is in the high desert so it’s cold and snowy in the winter and really hot in the summer. I have had the privilege of watching the ranch grow from 9 acres to 100 acres. To be able to have both of the properties across the street from the ranch donated to them in full is truly amazing. God has blessed this ranch more then anyone could ever imagine. Families and children come and once a month families  come and have a meal and participate in worship and hear an amazing sermon.

It’s called refuge one of my favorite things to do on the ranch. That and scooping poop . You know that’s therapeutic. I love the sound of children laughing on the hill and enjoying themselves.

Another outreach that the ranch provides is food for the families that come with all their produce that they grow. They also teach families how to can. Not only do they help ranch families but their neighbors as well.

So many things about this ranch I love especially all the friendships I’ve made. I’m praying that I can go this summer. Lots more changes have gone on and it’s time to go back and volunteer. Young and old volunteer there’s always lots to do. It’s a place where there is hope, redemption and healing for all who come.❤️

Check out their website

https://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/

All the photos were taken by Emily Green except the last 3 were ones I had taken.

Yesterday was a good day but also a tough day. A reminder that one of our loved ones is in a stage of his life that well none of us imagined he’d ever be in. It’s really hard to see that. Yesterday we celebrated his 85th birthday in his care home. The immediate family came as well as a couple that my dad adores. For a couple of hours we got to celebrate him. As I’ve written before my step dad was one of the best things that had ever happened to me in my life. He’s my dad through and through.

We got him this cake he loved it so much that he wanted to carry it around. Thankfully he didn’t drop it. It was great watching him read his cards and open his gifts. One of the cool gifts was a kaleidoscope and my dad loved it watching the colors inside. I’m so many ways he’s like a kid. When we left he always gives me a huge hug. I’m so glad we could celebrate his special day. For that moment he was surrounded by his loved ones . It’s hard watching what dementia is doing to him so every moment counts whether he remembers it or not .

We went back to my mom and dad’s home to have a dinner. We remembered happy things about my dad. We dedicated our dinner to him. Since he’s gone to the care home their home has not felt the same. My dad’s presence is lacking in so many ways. I miss hanging with him like that. That will be the last dinner we will all have in that home because my mom is moving next month.

I hate dementia what it does to families. It rips everyone apart and not only is it confusing for my dad it leaves a huge gap in all of our lives. What I have learned from looking after my dad, spending tons of time with him is every moment is precious. Be in the moment because they forget. I would have great conversations with my dad and when he left the room we’d start all over again. I will never regret the time we spend together. Now it’s different but it’s still my dad and I like how he smiles when he sees me. He may not know my name but he knows who we are. Don’t take life for granted because we never know what will happen or where we will be. ♥️

So many changes lately it’s moving so fast that I can’t keep up with it. My family has been part of a community for 45 years. A lot of change has come in those years. This beach I know it so well and it’s part of my home. How many times I’ve walked in it looking for sea glass, rocks of all different shapes and sizes. Sitting on the logs and watching the people go by. Seeing the forts children have made. It’s so peaceful here. I’ve walked out so many times with my favorite person.

A community where I went to high school in. That was a long time ago. A home in a hill that was my first home when I moved from Ireland to Canada. The home where I found a family that I love so much. Many great memories. The next home down the hill right near the ocean. This beach was visited often by all who came to visit.

Change appeared all around us over the years recently new condos on the small street and the closure of a restaurant that’s been there for a very long time. I knew it when it was Mc Morrins restaurant.

Patrons of the oceanfront Beach House restaurant in Saanich are a step closer to being able to dine and dance the night away — again.

The former family-owned McMorran’s restaurant, a Cordova Bay landmark, was in business almost 90 years, offering dancing for most of that time to generations of families in the capital region. I remember the dancing when I was in high school. In 2010 Mc Morrins because known as the beach house and became a restaurant and a coffee shop the place was well known for weddings because it looks right out into Cordova Bay Beach and the water. It’s got magnificent views.

Last year it closed its doors for the last time and is up for sale so that more condos can be built there. The once cottage area is expanding into bigger homes and leaving that small community feeling. I love this area so much I’m planning to keep coming and spending time at Matticks for coffee and visiting the beach I know so well. I feel sad so much change and I miss spending time at the beach with my favorite person. This community will never be forgotten. It’s a huge part of my life.

Yesterday I was so touched by such love and tenderness. Growing up and not having that love and craving it so much was something I did. I didn’t get it at home with my parents so I sought it in other places. Even as young children we just want our families to love us. Imagine being 5 years old and your mom and dad both are caught in addiction and your living with a relative. One of your safe spaces becomes school because there are people that you can trust. I loved school because that is where I learned about love and how beautiful it is.

Imagine seeing a very loving family and all you want to do is go and live with them. You make up stories about their families because you so desperately want to be part of that. You start calling them  mom and when you see them you hug them and want to be with them all the time. They have their own children but you see this mom opening up her heart to you. It makes you feel so good. All you want is your mom and dad to pay attention to you. Even though you have people in your life you crave the love of a mom. At 5 so many people have come and gone in your life including one of your siblings. You get let down often that leaves a deep scar in your life.

I remember feeling that exact same way and wanting one of my friends mom’s to take me home forever. Yesterday I stood in tears watching this lady be so tender and loving to someone who just needs love, compassion and reassurance. For us it’s survival. People will come and go in our lives that’s how life works. For that moment it sticks in your mind that you are loved. ♥️

7 years ago I forgave my dad for all that had happened to me growing up. It was the root to that held me in bondage to my addiction. Since forgiving him I have had 7 years of freedom. Even though it’s hard to forgive those that have hurt you for me it ended up in freedom. It also does not mean you will ever forget what happened. That is etched in my brain forever. A few years ago I connected with him and some of my siblings two in fact . The one sibling that I wanted to connect with does not want to. That’s been hard for me but I’ve not spoken to her in 35 years. Correspondence is sparce but at least it’s a connection and I’m ok with that. I am happy that I can write to my other siblings. I have nothing in common with them and they live a very different life then mine.

I think about if things had been different I wouldn’t be the woman I am today and I may never have met my mom. I got the short end of the stick with my family in Ireland. I lost all the relationships I had with them and now they know me as Sarah who lives in Canada. I’m not part of their daily lives . I’m bearly part of anything and that makes me sad all because of the choices our dad made.

I know things happen for a reason and even though I long to get to know my siblings I don’t ever know how that can happen. They were super young when I left and they were caught up in the craziness of what happened to my brother and I . They also don’t know the side that my brother and I do with our dad and their mom. I recently saw a post that my dad had written about how he supports children and how important they are in the world. I know he loves his children a lot but why was my brother and I treated so badly.

My heart has so peace now and I don’t feel like I used to. All I want now is some connection to these people. I’m glad I was able to forgive that could never happen without God’s grace and love. That is not something I could ever have done on my own. I’m super happy now in my life and even though the past is in the past , I still long that bigger connection with my siblings. I don’t know if that will happen in this lifetime. It’s a loss I feel in my heart ♥️

Maybe that connection would cause more pain only God knows that. For now I trust that what I have maybe is all I will ever have. I’m not sure how to have relationships with them. It always brings up lots of pain. I’m done with all that pain. As I write I realize that that pain took a long time to heal. God always knows what is best for His children.

I googled this and this is a staggering rate.

Traumatic brain injury is the leading cause of paediatric trauma death and disability worldwide, with concussions comprising 80% to 90% of all TBIs. An estimated 200,000 concussions occur annually in Canada, with children and youth affected primarily. Holy cow I had no idea how high that number was.

Since banging my head really hard on New Years Day I’ve learned a lot about concussions and had no idea that woman can get symptoms later then men. Men get their symptoms right away. I did get some obvious ones right away like the headache, some dizziness and nausea. About a week ago I noticed that my appetite was decreased and my gut is all over the place. Sleeping is all over the map and my brain is very busy having a hard time getting it to slow down.

It’s almost been a month now and yes everyday it gets better but the brain fog and when I’m tired not being able to say what I need. I forget things that I don’t usually forget. Yesterday was a pro d day and we went to a different school in town to listen to a panel of People talk about different topics. It was in the gym so there were lots of people there and it’s hard to focus. After about an hour and a half my brain hurt so much from all the overstimulation. I had to sit and listen to what they were saying. It was good stuff but my brain was Maxed out.

When I got home I slept for an hour and a half completely exhausted. I realized that I needed to be proactive myself. I called a place called Tall Tree my doctor had mentioned it. I called and asked if I needed a referral and they said no. They have a post concussion program with physiotherapy. I have an appointment next week.

I can’t just sit and wait for this to go away. I have no idea how long it will take to go back to the way it was. Before having a concussion even though mine was mild. They all are apparently serious. At the program I’m going to they teach you what to expect and how to get help for your brain.

It’s amazing when you have no clue what it is like to have post symptoms to be told well you did that a while ago you should be ok. Or why are you going to get physio on your brain you just bumped your head. Then to to told well it’s how you cope with stress if your getting overwhelmed. Wow really because I’ve been through the worst truama anyone should ever go through and I never felt this.

I realize how many people just don’t understand and I’ve been asked this week if I ever thought I’d go back to regular daycare by someone that I never imagined that would come out of their mouth. I realized that there is a gap that’s missing between what I’m experiencing and the people around me.

I heard from someone who went to the post concussion program that they will advocate for me. My school has been really good with me, working to build me up for success. I’m glad because no I don’t want to change jobs. I love the one I have. I told them that and they were very quiet. I’m really good at my job is just hard right now.

My friend today said that concussions are an invisible injury. It reminded that mental health is very invisible as well. I would think if that many Canadians get concussions each year we should be educated on how it effects them and the hospital did tell me if my symptoms didn’t go away that there was help out there. My doctor is very proactive so that’s good.

If you have a post concussion symptoms there is help out there or you have mental health issues. Please reach out to people there is help for you as well. This is hard and you don’t have to do it alone. 🙂

Continue reading “You can do anything if you believe…..” →

It’s no secret that I love photography so much. There are so many great photographers out there. I have seen some amazing photos. Some of the people I know or have gotten to know you have a gift. Today I want to thank each one of you who take those photos. I appreciate each of you and that I can write and share your photos with others.

So when you see these amazing photos they are taken by photographers. They are not mine. There is so much beauty out there despite what is going on in the world.

So much to be thankful for. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. The sun was peaking out of the clouds and the trees were calm. I went outside to take the dog out. I was welcomed by the calmness in the air, birds singing and wow so much warmer then it has been. That was nice. I finally was able to uncover my rabbit who has been covered up for two and half days as it’s too cold even for him. He did so well with his thick heavy coat. It’s so nice to not have to thaw his water every few hours. He greets me with his head low because he wants me to pet him. Jonas is such a sweet rabbit. He’s a mini plush lop and he’s up there with a couple of rabbits I’ve owned that struck my heart. ❤️

I’m so grateful for God’s beauty I see everyday surrounding me. I love the sunrises and sunsets here where I live they are so amazing. I live up on a hill so the views are incredible . I love watching God paint the sky with his beauty. After my concussion I don’t want to take anything for granted. I need to stop and smell the flowers more often. To soak up all His glory.

I noticed at the beginning of the year one of the rose bushes I got from Wendy was trying to bud. Even in this cold weather we just had I still see it continuing to grow. It sits under the eve of the house. I will continue to watch it. It’s so beautiful. It’s double colored those were Wendy’s favorite. I still miss her everyday but I see her in lots of things around me. I know she watches out over us. We are coming up to her one year anniversary of her death. She has been in heaven for almost a year. Hard to believe.

I’ve learned a lot through my year of grief. The most important thing I learned was how to be grateful every day for something. I often found many things. I have a gratitude journal that I use. That’s was one of the things got me through my grief. Another was my amazing friends, lots of tears, writing, my work at school, learning to appreciate what I have and the list goes on.

This morning I was reflecting and realize that there are people out there every day who still have a concussion that they are recovering from and they are still waiting for their brains to go back to whatever normal is. I’m going to pray for each of you, that somewhere whatever your going through you can see one thing that your grateful for. Even though I hated having a mild concussion and I’m still recovering I’m glad I could understand a small part of what some of friends are going through. Until you experience it, you have no idea.

What are you grateful for today? I would love to hear your responses.

Happy New year to you all. I never imagined that on New Years Day evening that I would give myself a mild concussion. I’ve never had one before and I never want another one. I did checked out after 24 hours of not getting better. I was given medication and to keep taking Tylenol and Advil, ice, Gravol, a two page list of what you can and can’t do with a concussion and to go home and rest. For 3 days I basically stayed at home slept a lot as I got tired easily. I took my medication and everything seemed so hard. I watched or stared at the TV a lot.

My head hurt all the time and felt nauseous. I also noticed that my brain was really slow. I knew what I wanted to say but had problems getting it out of my mouth. I forgot lots of things and I had problems concentrating. I tried to cook a meal and it left me exhausted. People checked on me and my church signed me up for a meal train. It’s so nice to have meals come to you and a smiling person behind them. That has been a Godsend to me.

I did notice if I did too much then the next day I was a right off. I went to school 3 half days this week and took two days off. It was good to see the children. When I gone in the afternoons they said they missed me. The brain fog was hard to deal with especially at school and when I got tired it got worse.

For the first week or so I noticed nothing else in my body. No arthritis or no other pains in my body. It’s like my body can only handle one thing at a time. I knew I was getting better when I felt my arthritis again and I didn’t need to nap anymore. The brain fog slowly lifted and driving got a whole lot easier. I feel like I’m almost back to normal. Next week will be the indicator because I’m planning on working full days. I will see how it goes. I’m not going to over do it. I miss my kids at school and my teacher.

I sure have felt so loved during all of this. I have a lot of people in my life who love and care about me so much. I’m so blessed to have each of you in my life. I so appreciate all the meals and it’s nice to get different meals I can cook. The biggest thing is I’ve felt all the prayers. It’s made me slow down my life and not take one single thing for granted. I’m sure this next weeks I will continue to recover to 100%. I also need to make sure my head doesn’t get hit again especially during this recovery.

For all of you that have had concussions I now understand a small bit about what you had to endure. ❤️