Step 8 – Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

scripture-and-picture-psalm-23-ken-smith

Step 8 prepares us for a new way to relate to the world. We get ready to clear our pasts and to be open and honest in our relationships. We make a list of  the important people in our lives. For example: Partners, friends, families, co-workers etc. Do we still have ongoing bitterness, fear or hostility in these relationships. Whom have we embarrassed, threatened or frightened? Who do we resent or avoid? These questions get us started on whom we harmed to others in the past.

Making amends is what we need to do in this step. For me this was a hard step because it’s hard to admit where you were wrong, but on the other side of it hard to forget how I was treated. This is about having healthy relationships.  I now realize this step is about giving someone more respect and honesty.  Look at all your relationships and decide which ones you want to change. It’s hard sometimes when you are used to patterns and negative feeling to switch and not feel like you did in the past. We need to look at our relationships differently in the present not in the past it then makes it a lot easier.

In addiction we unfortunately do hurt others. Our addiction is our main focus in life. We hurt others because we only focus on ourselves and will do just about anything to get that next high or fix. We lie, steal, cheat, manipulate, become unresponsible and unreliable. All of our behaviors are harmful to those on the recieving end of it all. Honesty is the most difficult thing in our addictions. I was very good at hiding and lying about my addiction.

Now it is time to start of list. Narrow down your list who is the most important otherwise your list can have over 100 names on it. We can’t just say we are sorry we also need to make amends and being ready to do whatever it takes to make it right. We hope apologizing will reduce anxiety and conflict in our relationships. I like this that we also should put ourselves on that list, because we all hurt ourselves in this process. We harmed ourselves. We were out of control and we violated our values. We treated ourselves badly because we believed we deserved it. This sends us the message that we are not worthy or valuable. This is something huge I struggled with. We can hate our bodies amd be the worst critics of ourselves. When we start to heal ourselves we come to think of ourselves differently. Who God intended for us to be.

Making amends is not easy some relationships will be easier then others be patient with the ones that don’t go as well. Keep an open mind. These amends will give us a deeper understanding of ourselves and help us in new ways of relating to the world.

God Bless you all          

2 thoughts on “Step 8 – Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

  1. This step is also for me! I have suffered deeply from self-hatred. Whenever I make a small mistake, am soo hard on myself, that I end up abusing myself with words! I literally tear myself down like an auto immune disorder. Then I end up feeling bad and discouraged. Also, through a dream, I have found out that am very insecure about my body, my relationships and about my life due to what I have gone through. This week has been hard for me. Please keep me in your prayers.

    Like

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