Shame and unworthiness

When I was in addiction I used to feel a lot of shame and unworthiness, that I was no good and that nobody would ever like me for whom I was. I felt like I could never measure up to anything. I often blamed myself for things that I had no control over and often felt like I was stupid. I was told by my family growing up and teachers that I was dumb and that I would never amount to anything. Boy those people were dead wrong about me . I have grown into a very successful woman who has true friends that care and love me. I have a Lord God who has shown me over the years how much HE LOVES me and how a broken crayon still colors beautiful things. God gave me passion for others and has given me a huge heart for the lost and broken. I also have a huge heart for animals.

My favorite animal is a horse. Horses are incredible animals and I love how they can interact with you without words and show you how special and awesome you are. Asher was a big old horse that was blind and starved from his previous owner before my friend Rebecca rescued him. When I was in Arkansas visiting http://www.arryr.org/ I had a big break through with this big old horse. I was still in addiction and to stop and face your feelings or anything was scary for me and this horse was so great and awesome that he broke though my wall of pain. I had in common with him being starved and not knowing where my next meal would come from. Asher was also blind on top of his being starved, but I was also blind in my own way. I was blind to being in addiction, blind to having others love me for whom I was and blind to loving myself. I could not see past myself. Asher showed me how to see and how to live life again. I miss that old guy very much. Thank you Lord for using an old horse to help me see in so many ways in my life.

This is beloved Asher. Another horse that had huge significance in my life was a horse named Hero. You can read Hero’s story here, he is an amazing horse that never gave up when he should have died. His perserverance is amazing. https://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/who-we-are/our-herd/hero This horse touched my life in amazing ways and I fell in love with him. Hero reminded me of what I had endured in my life with massive abuse in my life and how with God’s help I was able to survive against all odds and how God wanted me alive so that I could share my life with others. Hero’s story has touched and effected lots of people including someone who wanted to end their life but when they heard Hero’s story decided that life was wort living and if this small horse could survive being shot twice at close range, they to could survive. This person was going to end their life in suicide. Hero has become a hero to so many. No matter what you are going through in life there is hope and encouragement out there. No shame or unworthiness or anything is worth giving up our lives for.

I love how God uses animals to help us heal from our wounds and frees us from addiction and uses us to help others. My testimony which includes my life with massive abuse and neglect in my life God uses this to help others. My journey has been long and sometimes very painful but now I no longer have to feel shame and unworthiness about anything. God sees me as His precious daughter I am beautiful in His eyes even if I struggle to believe in any way. I AM SOMEBODY, I AM LOVED, I AM HIS BELOVED, I AM PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT, I AM BEAUTIFUL, the broken crayon I once was has become a whole beautiful and wonderful woman.