Rejection and abandonment are two words that I’ve not thought of for a long time. I’ve worked on myself for a long time. Recently both of those words surfaced in my life. Both bring the same feelings with them. Feelings that I don’t like. Temptations have surfaced and the lady I’m seeing right now told me that this often happens when we are under extreme stress that old ways of coping with stress, as feeling like the only way to get through. The desire to do those things is more about feeling stress now, and possibly that stress wakes up old wounds. That makes total sense to me. She explained to me that I’ve been through way worse things and that this just feels like abandonment or rejection. I’ve been giving it to God and having others pray for me. I reached out to make the first move with the Relationship and I pray it goes well on Sunday. I hate this separation between the two of us but as my teacher reminded me today I’ve done nothing wrong standing on my boundaries.
I’ve been working hard on myself to stand on those boundaries and how I feel about myself. I feel now I’m a much Stronger person and will continue to work on the old wounds that surface in my life. Every morning on the way to school I pray that God gives me peace and I really believe this is happening for a reason. I was unhappy with this relationship before because it’s a lot of take from me and I’ve slowly been setting boundaries and saying this is not ok.
My brain then goes to a place of unworthiness and it reminded me that I am worthy in Christ’s eyes. He loves me so much. I feel that love everyday from Him. People will always let us down in some way. Yes it hurts but God never leaves our forsakes us. That’s His promise for us forever. No matter what happens on Sunday I have that promise to stand on every day. With the Lord in your life you can do anything, you also can be whomever you want to be. That is the peace that I hold in my heart everyday.
When you feel shame, unworthiness, rejection or abandonment turn to God He is our comfort and strength. Reach out to those in your life that you trust and read God’s promises. That’s the best wisdom you will ever recieve. So next time that temptation comes I need to remind myself of these promises and ask God to heal those wounds.