Writing this new period of time in my life is painful.

I’m getting a whole ton of feelings right now with meeting my mom for me it’s like the first time, to coming back for two months to moving here I’ve not written about that yet. It brings up tons of rejection, abandonment, to how is a young girl supposed to make sense to any this. Nobody understood even though they tried. When I eventually got to talk to someone where the heck do you start. I’m feeling big huge raw feelings right now and part of me my running part wants me to keep running and not write about it. I did that my whole life and even though this is hard and rough for me, I do know it’s the right thing to do.

Remember years back Michelle Knight and the other two woman that were held in that basement and horrific things Happened to them. Months later after their rescue I heard Michelle on Dr. Phil and the biggest thing she spoke about was when you get out of that years of that abuse and your rescued and then your expected to just go and live in the world. The hardest thing for her was how do you do that. How do you just go back to living your life when your whole world was ripped upside down.

I never forgot and I totally understand that statement because how do you just go on living in a whole other life. One that you don’t fit in no matter how hard you try. I never fitted in anywhere. Everything was new and foreign. It was even harder coming from Ireland to Canada the culture is just so different. I eventually went to counseling but it took years for me to realize the depth of what had happened.

Even then how do you process the whole thing and kids in school were brutal to me I was bullied a lot for being different. As I feel that fear of wanting to run a voice inside me tells me what if I’m helping one person who is feeling or has felt like I do. For me reading about hope and redemption helped me get through my tough life one day at a time.

I start back at school tomorrow so I won’t be writing as much and need to process some of what I’m talking about. I have a good counsellor so I will uppack some of this with her. Thanks for praying for me in this journey. It’s difficult for me.