Author: walking in freedom

Things are so different in my life today then they even were a year ago. I’ve been on Spring break the past two weeks and this week I’ve been so busy doing work in and outside my home. Cleaning up from the winter and trying to make my yard look decent. As I was painting a garden sign today that I was going to throw out because it had faded. Then I realized I had a whole bunch of paint so I gave it a new look. As I was painting it I realized my life is similar to this sign. Before I got healed from addiction I was tired and beaten down. I looked and felt rough and rotten. Anytime I had weeks off work I had to check in with my accountability partner and show her a plan on how I had planned to stay sober. It was a challenge for me because boredom was my biggest trip up.

As I was painting my sign I realized that this year I did not need to outline my plan on how to stay sober. I can’t ever imagine going back into addiction again. This year is my fourth year of sobriety. Yes I still have an accountability partner which I will have until the day I take my last breath. Accountability keeps me striving everyday to keep my sobriety. In addiction I had an awesome counselor who challenged me when I needed it. I also had God to lean on everyday when I felt like I could not do it anymore. I worked hard to overcome addiction and in the end I needed to forgive. Forgiveness is not a pass on what people have done to you in your life. For me it was setting me free from the hate I felt in my heart. Every time I hated I fell in addiction. The only way I could forgive was through God’s grace. That is why I can stand here today sober.

This tired faded sign just needed some love and a good coat of paint to make it new again. For us we need the Lord to love us no matter where we are in life. We need Him to renew our broken, tired souls. We need Him when the hardest thing to do is forgive. That broke the chains of addiction for me. Today I live a healthy life, I still am really careful to guard my heart so that I remain sober.

If your hurting and need help with addiction. Find someone you can trust to talk to. Cry out to God He is waiting for you. I share my story with you because I don’t want to forget where I came from to who I am today in redemption. ❤️

One of my friends a couple of weeks ago suggested I join her in this painting. I thought because there had been many things in my life that this would be something to cheer me up and it was sunflowers. In the back of my mind the old saying came up that I was not going to be able to do this but I would try. My art teacher she’s a Christian and before her showing us how to paint she did amazing devotionals. Even though I could not paint when she did I listened to her devotions every morning before work. She suggested we watch and paint later. The first day I painted I thought I would pass out from the stress. God had shared with me before I started that I had a strong hold with painting.

God reminded me that I had vowed as a child that I would never do art or have anything to do with it. I avoided painting at all costs. My dad is an artist and every time things got rough out hard for him he escaped into his office to paint. The most painful thing for me with this was that my tiny room was off his office and he competely ignored me. I would cry out to him to help me and he just ignored me. His paintings were more important than his own daughter. I grew to hate him and his paintings. I remember making that vow.

As I started this painting I could bearly breathe. I felt stressed so much and pushed through it. The second day the devotional was on trust. I cried throughout most of the devotion. I asked God to remove that vow I made and help me to forgive my dad for using his art as an escape and ignoring me when I cried out to him over and over again. I asked God to wash all this pain away from me and renew my heart. I love what Christine said about trusting and about just painting.

This is my painting. When I released all this pain this is what I was able to create and God showed me that I could do this. I’m so proud of myself for letting go and letting God heal another part of my life through forgiveness. I found painting so relaxing and fun. Who knew. I signed up to paint once a month with Christine my favorite part was we were not allowed to say anything negative about what we painted and we had to share our progress with the group. I had never painted like this let alone put it on a canvas. I’m looking forward to painting more and learning how to be free and trust the process. I’m so glad I signed up and broke free of my bondage. Thank you Lord!!!

Yesterday I was triggered by a thing that happened. It reminded me of how a kind person in my life gave me hope through a simple book. As we start our Spring break the teacher in my class was talking about all the opportunities the children would have to read on the break. To read in different places outside, on a mountain ( the children thought that was funny), on the beach and even to read at breakfast and lunch. One of the children said that they don’t have a library book to read. The teacher walked over to the book shelf and pulled out on of her special books and gave it to the child.

The child was so happy to have a book to read to their family. That one simple gesture seems like nothing to many of us but that one book I was given it changed my life. It had an opportunity to escape my life for the time I was reading. I went on so many adventures with books that it helped me survive as a child. It also helped me love books. I still get really excited when it’s library time at school.

I love watching the children choose their books and then so excited to show us what they got and then before we leave they get an opportunity to look at their books. That one gesture of giving a child or children a special book to take home can be etched in your mind forever. I don’t know how old I was when Mrs. Baker gave me my first book. On holidays at school she would let the children take home two books. I always was able to take a stack home. Reading was an escape but it also thought me how to read better.

A couple of years ago before Mrs. Baker passed away. I was able to thank her for giving me a simple book, a simple book that changed my life forever. ❤️

I smile at the title of this blog. I spent the weekend with my dad last weekend and he told me often that his favorite word is simplicity. I love simplicity because like he said not making things complicated. I think many of us over think things that are simple. I know I do I get bogged down and then it’s no longer fun or its something I just want to run from. Since Covid my life has become simple and I love it. Simple to me is sitting at God’s feet each morning with a good cup of coffee, listening to my favorite worship music, hanging out with one of my good friends and just laughing about silly things. Spending quality time with my dad. We had so much fun last weekend. He’s funny and I laughed like I had not done in a long time.

Simplicity to me is seeing the world from a child’s perspective. Helping children at school with their big emotions. I love to sit on the bench and just be with them. Simplicity making people including children laugh. I often cheer them up with humor. 😂 Praying for someone that needs prayer. 🙏 Sending someone a note or verse just to let them know your thinking of them. Simple is not using piles of words just being where they are. I love that.

During Covid I learned to stop and take in what is around me and it made us all slow down. At first it was hard but now I have learned that I don’t need to be busy all the time. I’ve spent more time with God this last year. Really sitting and listening. I’ve seen a lot of hurt and grief this year but throughout it all I have seen God moving.

Where have you seen God moving this year? Simplicity is a choice, a choice to slow down and see what is important in our lives. My dad is full of wisdom and I’ve had some of the best conversations with him. He’s such a special man in my life. I always wanted a father and I got the best one. ❤️ Thank you Lord.

” Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited. Does not act improperly, is not selfish is not provoked and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things believes in all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. ”  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

It is often said that love conquers all and that love is the greatest. Love gives us healing and life and binds us together. God’s love has conquered all, because God is love and He’s already won. Someone reminded me this week that ” Love is full of loss and there is always the risk of love, but it is still worth the loving.” I love that because love is one of the greatest things, but also can bring great heartache. I’ve had a week of grieving the loss of Bruce. I will miss seeing him each week on zoom for church. I hate seeing how much heartache my friend is going through from the loss of her husband. I feel sadness for her and her family. I feel sadness for my friend who is in a coma. Another beautiful soul. Even through my sadness I feel total peace and God is using Elicia in her coma. I’ve seen God’s hand in the whole situation. She should not be alive from what she’s endured but God has been with her step by step. She now opens her eyes when her family comes close. She’s not able to move but she’s responding. I love what her family says she’s resting with the Lord right now.

I don’t understand why some people live and others don’t but God knows when we are born and when we die. Even though love is hard sometimes, it’s the greatest gift we can endure. For now I’m going to keep loving the people in my life and not take any of them for granted. I see God’s love all around me through my grief and each day. Thank you Lord for giving me people in my life to love and pray for. GOD IS MOVING!!!!

This is Elicia she sings on Beth Moore’s praise team for Living Proof Live. I found out last night on Wednesday the day my friend ‘s husband died she had a brain aneurysm and they removed the clot but it pressed on her brain and she’s in a coma. This Woman is an amazing woman who loves the Lord with all of her heart. She’s been huge positive in my life and has an amazing testimony. Her story is not over yet. She’s got a precious 5 year old daughter. Praying for healing for her. She’s not woken up yet. 15 years ago I heard this woman sing at a Beth Moore conference. She stood up and sang and lifted the roof off the building. I knew there was something very special about her. Ever since that day I’ve been friends with her on Facebook. I’ve chatted with her many times on messenger. She’d tease me that I was her Canadian friend. She told me that she loved Vancouver and one day we would meet. I’ve watched her life and singing career take off. I watched her fall in love. I watched her child being born and prayed for her when she had an infection after birth.

I watched her make the toughest decision and leave her husband with her child and the clothes on her back. She had no idea how she would look after her daughter. Her friends and family surrounded her. She helped me always was there for me when I needed to talk. She helped me with decisions in my marriage and she speaks out on many topics and has a huge passion for the Lord.

Her story is not over yet she’s writing a book. I recently encouraged her to keep writing. She’s one of those people that you just instantly love. I guess that’s why God had her in my life. She’s a single mom with a precious five year old daughter. I do believe in the power of prayer and many are praying for her. I already lost a friend last week in still grieving that. I don’t want to add Elicia to that as well. Praying for her to wake up from her coma and be healed from her aneurism.

Thank you. I thought this song could help you see who you were praying for. “Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1:9

It seems like this past year is a season of grief for me. I just land on my feet and then I’m back into grief again. I hate grief so much because it feels like my heart is broken in two. One thing I have learned is to grieve grief. Even though it’s really hard for me and sometimes I feel as though I will cry and not stop. It’s also a time of reflection for me. I see God in things around me and I know He is near. On Tuesday I saw a bald eagle outside my window and after a hail storm I saw a rainbow.

The day before my friend Jenni died I saw a bald eagle up in the tallest tree in the park outside my window. I knew that even though I could not be with her, I knew God had her in the palm of His hands. The next day she died an awesome fight. On Tuesday I saw a big bald eagle and I knew that God was near. Yesterday evening my good friends husband died. He also fought a good fight. He was an amazing man. He was the quiet type but when he spoke, he had such wisdom. Up at a church camp he shared in our group how he met his wife. He talked about his Mission work they did in Nepal and how their children and them helped so many others.

He was a very soft spoken man who loved the Lord and his family so much. I didn’t know him long but I got to know his wife well and she talked lots about him. I’m so sorry after his heart surgery life has been so difficult for him. It doesn’t seem fair that his life is lost. It does however make me reflect on my life and how to never take it for granted. Life is to short and its precious. B he effected many people’s lives. This will be a huge loss in our community. I’m really sad by this.

” The Lord is near the brokenhearted, He saves those crushed in Spirit.” Psalm 34:18

I don’t know about you, but I hate asking for things. I have a friend who shared a story recently about knocking on someone’s door and asking them if they were willing to sell their home. It took her a bit to get the courage to do it. She talked about stepping out and having the courage to ask for something you want. I thought to myself I don’t think I could do that.

At the end of September last year I landed my dream job at a school down the road from me. The only downside to this job was it was part time and living on my own you can’t sustain the high cost of living here. I prayed lots about more work and had others pray for me. I felt I was supposed to tough it out and keep going. I had to trust each month I could pay my rent and my bills. After Christmas I felt I had to do something whether it entailed an after school job. I put out my feelers and got responses back but still felt I was supposed to stay where I was. I couldn’t shake that feeling.

What am I supposed to do God? I prayed lots about it and felt I needed to reach out to the people in my pilot project. I told them the honest truth and asked if I could get more hours. I thought well I have nothing to lose by asking. I got a response right away let me see what we can do and would you want to work at two schools. I said yes. I waited and I am not a patient waiter. After three weeks my principal saw me in the hallway and told me to check my email there was really good news for me. God provided me with the amount of hours I needed and I got to stay right where I am now. Not only that now I could get full benefits as well. I felt like I had won the lottery. I had worked really hard on my position and my hard work and my trust in the Lord had paid off.

Ask and you shall receive. I will never doubt or feel silly again about asking. Thank you Chelsea for sharing this story because without hearing this, I would never have stepped up to ask. God says ” And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

The last two days we have had more snow then we are used to seeing. I think snow is just what we needed to help us continue on in the pendemic. The best thing about this snow was the sound of Laughter. Children and adults had fun. The snow brought joy to a world that hides their smiles behind their masks. Laughter is not a sound that we have heard lots of lately. Adults could have fun with their children and really spend quality time together.

One of my favorite things to hear is children laughing. The snow brought out so many people. Every hill had someone on it. Children and adults dusted off those toboggans and hit the hills. Garbage bags were used, anything that could be used to sled. I saw people out with their skii’s. In all the wonder the snow brought that peaceful lull that comes with the fall. Dogs were barking, my dog searching for his ball he lost. He bounded across the deep snow.

I saw many snowmen made with different colored scarves and hats. The snowman in the park across the street from my house had a traffic cone on its head. For two days the city stood still and people enjoyed life. For that time it was like there was no pendemic. 😎⛄❄️It gave people hope.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my life in the last couple of days. I’ve been angry about the result of my knees. I was shocked when the surgeon said my knees were like that of a 70 year old. I was angry because I know a big part of that is to do with the starvation that I endured for 14 years. It rose up inside me anger at my dad and how his actions still effect my life. It brought up a lot of feelings about him. I wanted him to pay but I realized this was another part of forgiveness. Forgiveness is like an onion that gets peeled layer by layer. Someone close to me reminded me that yes it could be the starvation part but I also have played a role of sedentary that does not help my knees. I also realized that striking out to my dad was not the option God wanted me to go. I sought forgiveness for him again. I’m not forgiving him for what he did to me but releasing this to the Lord because it’s not worth one single ounce of breath.

I’ve come so far in my life that wasting my time on wanting him to pay is not my job. God will deal with him in His time. I let it go and gave it back to him. I feel at peace again. I’m so thankful that I can go to God when I feel like this and it completely changes me and my heart again. I listened to an amazing interview of my friend Kim Meeder she said something that was very profound that God told her she said “Do you now understand why I allowed you to walk in the valley of the shadow of darkness? I’m asking you to help others find a way through their pain. Your pain always has a purpose as we give it to Him.”

My pain has a purpose, I chewed on that for a long time. I realized that God has shown me many times He wants me to help others through hope and healing. My pain has not gone unnoticed but God will use it to help others. That is the bigger picture of my life. “When my people who are called by my name humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their evil ways. Then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land. My eyes will be open and my ears will be attentive to prayer.” 2 Chronicles 7:14 – 15. What a promise this is.

I feel I’m supposed to continue writing my memoirs where I’ve been, what God has done in my life and how it all ties together. I will still share parts of it on my blog. That story needs to be told.