Author: walking in freedom

As I wrote a couple of days ago my father in law was an amazing man of God. His wisdom was incredible and I loved him so much. God had His hand on him from day one. He was born in Russia and lived with his family. His dad was well known in their community and was a book keeper. They lived when the iron curtain was falling. He had 13 brothers and sisters and his dad took in a couple of other children whose parents had been taken away and they had lived in the streets. When things were getting really bad his family packed up as much as they could in a wagon. They had two horses and left Everything else behind. My father in law was 10 years old. He said many people begged his family to take their children but their wagon was full. They also took the two children that had recently joined their family.

Unfortunately two of my father in laws siblings died along the way. Things were hard and tough. My father in law told us how God paved their way so many times in the journey. As they were leaving their village they came to a bridge that was set to detonate and they were told they could not cross. This was the only way out of the village. Then one of the guards stopped and reconized my father in laws dad. He had done work for him and after the guard talked to the others. They let the family go through and on the other side they blew up the bridge.

Another story he told us was there was bombing all over the place and his dad told my father in law to go get the horses that they needed to leave. My father in law told us that he got to the shed and it was full of bullet holes. He felt he could bearly breathe and started to pray and then heard a sound and saw something moving in the shed. He slowly opened the doors and there standing were both of the horses and they had nothing on them. Wow that’s truly a miracle. 🐴

Another story was they arrived in Poland and they needed passports they ended up in a camp. Every night people in the camp disappeared and often people that were right beside them. Gone the next day. My father in law his dad worked in the camp and got enough money together to get passports for his family. The first people took the money and left them without anything. Again his dad had to work to earn enough money and they finally got passports but his dad told his family that they were never to speak Russian again.

Eventually my father in law came to Canada and worked on a farm and worked there for 3 years and was able to stay in the country. There he met his wife who is still alive and they had a family of 5 children. My father in law his faith was huge because of how God had protected him and his family. As I said this was a man I admired so much. He’s in heaven now and I’m looking forward to seeing him again. He is missed everyday but as I said before I got to help look after him as he chose to die in his home. That was hard but so rewarding. When he was dying he would sing beautiful songs in Russian. He kept his language but also spoke fluient German as well. ❤️

Years ago my brother, his wife and sister in law were in Ireland they stopped at the last house where my brother and I were held hostage. That was Russ’ dream house he was an architect before he became a full time artist. He built the bare minimum before we all moved in so my only memory of this house was that it was unfinished. It was so drafty and cold and the wind you could feel whip into the house. There was no heat except for one heater you plugged in, in the area where the tv was. The house of it ever got finished would have been an incredible home. It was 3 floors and the top floor was the penthouse also my sister slept up there. The main part of the house was all bedrooms and one bathroom. There was another wing of the house where there was another bedroom that overlooked where there was a shell where a pool was supposed to go in and you could see the pond in the back yard from that room. It was the room with a view. When my brother still lived at home that was his room. Then there was a big room which was Russ’ office where he did all his painting etc and off the office was a tiny little room big enough for a bed with a very small window in it. That was my bedroom and I had to go through Russ’ office to get out of there. I spend so much time in there on my own while Russ worked in his office.

The house had been sold to new owners when my brother, his wife and his sister in law visited the house. A really nice family had brought it and my brother was in tears and so glad that a nice family an actually family lived there. They invited them inside and were chatting. They had redone it up really nicely and the family had no idea what had happened in the house before they brought it. The family asked my brother to come with them into the house they wanted to know something about the home and could they help him. They all were led into the back part of the house. They came to the little room in the back and said there was something about that room that they could never figure out. The roof had caved in and then they tried to use it as a bathroom but that never worked out and at one stage a bedroom but nobody felt safe in the room so it was just now a storage room.

My brother told the family what had happened to him and me and living in that home. They were horrified and did say that they Russ and his wife seemed like something was off with them when they sold the house to them. My brother said it was so nice to see this nice family with their children in there and they were happy.

Last night my brother told me about this app called street view and how he looked up our old house and now the owners have another house in the property. Apparently the woman who lives there is running a match making company. So today I decided to look at the house I’ve not seen it since I moved out 35 years ago. Today I saw what my brother was talking about. They have painted it a rust color and I saw a trampoline and swings and a basketball hoop. I feel like my brother that the place is a happy home for a family and it’s different looking in some ways but the same in others.

I find it very interesting that the room I spend so much time in could never be a room again. It was a tiny horrible room to start with. What I still have issues with is how my dad could ignore me knowing I was just on the other side of his office and not doing a thing. A person like that is cruel and self serving and caring about nobody but himself. I’m glad that part of the story ended happy for the family that moved in.

After we arrived back in Canada, I had not seen my family for 5 years. I had missed them so much and they were so glad I had come home. I had missed so many things while I was gone. One of them being my nephew I had never met him before he was 2 and a half. I had missed his birth and all that time knowing who he was. That I regreted so much. I had missed my friends most of them had stopped being my friend because of decisions I had made. I came back like I was starting from scratch. L’s family was so glad to see us. Not only was L’s dad sick but his brother in law had a brain tumor. His family needed our help. His dad brought a property up in Mill Bay and it had acreage and we had a one bedroom off the garage. I had my golden retriever and we helped out L’s dad. The property was a lot of work so we helped out lots and L worked in the family business.

The property came with chickens and we eventually got two sheep. Oreo was black and white and there was a white one don’t remember the name. We got the kind you didn’t have to shear. They were to keep down the weeds but we realized that sheep can be picky in what they eat. The property also came with two geese. They were very protective of their space and often swam in the pond. Father goose he loved to chase me and I was petrified of him when he attacked me one day that was it every chance he got he’d chase me. I always made sure that I had something to protect myself with. The property also had a pool and a hot tub. It had a barn as well and a riding ring which Gwen one of the neighbours used.

L always told me that me giving him an ultimative was the break of our marriage. He said I lost respect for him and he punished me for that. He stopped all intimacy with me and hung that over my head as much as he could. I was so happy that I was back home I just ignored what he told me. In fact I saw what others had told me all along and I sought out counsel from others. For a year we lived on the mini farm and when L’s dad got worse we moved back into the city. L and I found a home that would become my home for 13 years with him and 2 on my own. He worked with his family and his brother in law passed away with cancer first and two months later his dad passed away. I got to help care for him in his home. I’ve never done that before and I have to say it was a life changing event in my life. I loved my father in law so much. He was a very wise man and I loved hanging out with him and my mother in law. We often spent time in their home or up at the lake playing cards or having meals together. That was an amazing part of my life. I miss him and L’s brother in law so much. He was such an amazing man of faith and his story about his life was a testimony of how God looked after him since he was a little boy. For his 50th wedding anniversary I made a scrapbook about L’s dad and mom and their lives growing up. I interviewed their families and heard about all the stories. It was truly amazing. Each of their pasts and how God brought them together. Those are the legacies that L’s dad left behind.

I love how God answers prayers. You may never know how He does it or when. This is such an amazing story I wanted to share it with you all. Some of you have heard this story before and I’ve written about it. For those of you that haven’t this story blesses my heart beyond belief.

I used to want children when I was younger and I never had any. I had three step children who I knew when they were younger. Even though I never had children of my own God always blessed me with so many children I got to be with everyday in daycare or school. I’ve got friends whose children have meant the world to me. There’s no shortage of children. 6 years ago a little boy and his dad and his grandparents came into my life. I had no idea what this child and his family would change my life.

I always tell people that this boy is like the child I never had. He lights up my life and I’ve watched him grow into who he is today. For two and a half years I helped him with so many things he needed to learn in his life. He had a very unfortunate accident when he was 7 months old that left him with brain damage but he was not supposed to survive and not only did he but he beat the odds of his accident.

Learning has always been tougher for him but there’s nothing that he can’t do. He was told he would never be able to do many of the things that he can do today and he never talked for a long time and now talks and sings all the time. His laugh brightens up any room. When I first met him and his dad I started praying for them. His dad sent me a video of him when he learned how to say my name for the first time. About a year and a half ago his dad and him started going to church and today while he was coloring he put on a church service from his church he goes to now. He was singing the worship songs.

I love how much he loves hockey watching it on tv and going to the Harbour Cats. He watches basketball with his papa and baseball. He has learned how to ride a bike, learned how to swim and today I watched him scooter fast. He’s a typical 8 year old boy. I’m so glad that he beat the odds and he’s a miracle. I love that he loves God and talks about it to everyone he meets. God is good. From the first day I met him I see perseverance in everything he does. I would always tell him it’s hard at the beginning but the more you do it the easier it becomes. He’s proof of that. ❤️

I was never good at setting boundaries with anyone. I used to be a people pleaser and hated confrontation. Since my marriage broke up and I got out of that environment I’ve learned how to speak out for what I want in my life. I loved that yesterday was international women’s day because I want to reconize all the woman who have been through tough times and gotten through it and are survivors and for those who speak out against things that are not ok. I started my blog 6 years ago to give all people not just woman but men as well who have been through tough times to give everyone hope that you can overcome no matter what you have been through. I started my blog as a way to process things in my life and God has used it to help so many people. I love that. I wanted to give back to those who gave me so much in my life and still continue to today. Thank you.

This week I had to end a friendship which I had set up clear boundaries on because this person was married and he needed to know where I stood. He was an old neighbour who helped me out with things I needed around my house and with my dog occasionally. He’s an older man and so he’s helped me so much in my life. A couple of weeks ago he crossed that line with me and so I ended the friendship. He wanted to know why I had ended it so I told him and he threw my past back at me saying that because I was abused as a child that was why I had made this up and then continued with telling me it’s my PTSD and that he never did anything. Still telling me I’ve made this up and that I have problems. Yes I do have a problem with this whole thing. I realized that’s what abusers try to tell people that they violate them. Throw out back in their court and blame them. I’m the past I would have taken this as I did something wrong. I realized how many people go through this everyday and think this would be their fault.

I used to feel powerless unable to speak up or out about what has happened. I’m proud of myself for being able to stand on the truth and call him out on what he did to me. I stood my ground and someone told me how many people in adultery admit that they did something they should not be doing. No many. I was very strong in those boundaries. I’m so glad I ended this relationship. I’ve set many boundaries and most people don’t like when you stand on somthing you believe strongly on.

I heard a great podcast today about boundaries and how if people don’t want to change you can protect yourself with putting an invisible boundary around you so that the person is not allowed to get in close to hurt you. I think this is good especially for your family. This helps me a lot when a family member comes at me with things. It’s harder to stand and not have those emotions but that boundary will help you.

So even though boundaries are super hard for so many. It makes me feel empowered to be able to stand up and say no this is not ok and In this case walk away. I feel lighter, peace and knowing that I’m ok In all of this. 🙂

I love how God blesses you with things that you can never imagine. Back in November I got into this home decor business. I felt that I was supposed to do it and that it would be a comfort to me and bring joy into my life. My words this year are Joy and peace. I knew nothing about this company but I loved watching videos on how to create things with the products. Without even trying them I signed up to be a designer. After I signed up I realized what an amazing company it is and that they have teamed up with an organization called Watts of Love.

Watts of Love

WE SEE SOLAR LIGHTING AS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TOOLS AVAILABLE TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF POVERTY.

Light gives hope, creates opportunity, and increases safety.

As a secular nonprofit, Watts of Love believes that everyone has equal value, and everyone deserves an opportunity. Watts of Love believes that light shines equally on all. We meet people exactly where they are in life and serve any and all that are in need.

Watts of Love intentionally seeks out the most vulnerable people in the developing world, who live without access to electrical light. We target the “last-mile” communities in greatest need of assistance. Often, these “hidden poor” live in garbage dumps, remote mountains, small islands, urban slums, and leper colonies. 

Not only do we focus on the hidden poor, but we invest in women. Women really hold the key to the finances of the home, and statistically, when women work, they invest 90 percent of their income back into their families, compared with 35 percent for men [Clinton Global Initiative: Empowering Girls and Women].

Watts of Love is unique and innovative. We have a very intentionally designed program where we do not just hand out lights—we invest in educating and empowering our recipients so there is an immediate, tangible impact from DAY One.

I love what this organization stands for so it’s giving back to others. Chalk Couture has teamed up with them so you can donate or round up your orders to support them. Not only do I love doing the art projects but I have found it an outlet for my grief. I find it peaceful and relaxing and am able to create beautiful things. In the past I would have used addiction to numb my pain. Eating away my sorrows but instead I’m able to do this. I’ve also met some amazing designers who I learn from each day.

A couple of weeks ago my grief shifted and I felt a veil being lifted off me. Then I felt God telling me that I can go to Bend, Oregon this summer. So I’m going to my most favorite place in the world this summer. I can’t wait to see all my friends again. This is my home away from home. I was last there 4 years ago before Covid hit. Not only do I get to hang out with great friends but I also get to Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. I can go volunteer there it’s a place where they rescue horses and team them up with children. I love this place so much. There’s something about this ranch that changes lives and I’ve seen and experienced it. I also get to see my good friends at the ranch. So something else to be excited about and it helps me through my grief.

So no matter what your going through there is always light in the darkness. God brings hope. What hope has he brought you in your life?, If your still in darkness, I pray that you will see His light and promises soon.

https://annvoskamp.com/2023/02/what-happens-when-god-calls-a-woman-to-serve/#readpost

Grief ebbs and flows like one of my friends says. Last Friday we had the Celebration of life for Wendy. It was so beautiful and her two older sisters shared stories about her as a child which most of us never heard of. I loved hearing that her Grandparents lived right beside them and that they prayed for them everyday. I heard about the fun she had with her sisters and her brother and the crazy things Wendy did. She often made decisions about things that we all would take some time thinking about. Wendy would just do it. If it felt right in her heart. Wendy was good at everything she did and it showed with all her passions. Most of us could just do one business Wendy had about 5 she did well. I loved her wisdom about so many things.

Her celebration was beautiful. I know she was looking down from heaven. It was a rainy day all day and during her celebration the sun streamed through the windows of the church. The church was full of people who knew and loved Wendy and were impacted by her in some way. Her daughters got up and spoke about their mom and all the things we have done over the years. So many amazing memories. It was very interesting because her family all knew who I was because Wendy was part of the fantastic four. It was so nice to meet all of them. I’m not sure how the fantastic four will be now but we plan on still going on our road trips and Wendy will still be with us in Spirit.

Next weekend we will celebrate a birthday in our core friends. One I’ve lost my buddy to drive up island with and two not sure how to celebrate this birthday without her. She will be missed. She was always there. Two of friends from the fantastic four will be there so it’s good that we can gather to remember our good friend.

Even though the celebration of life was hard it’s given me the peace I needed to keep moving forward. I’ve been doing lots of art projects and keeping up with my self care. I have realized that when grief comes that I embrace it and not try to avoid it and count all my blessings with my friend. Even though it’s just three of us now the fantastic four will live on. Grief is hard and I have shed so many tears. I have a big hole in my heart it feels like it will never be filled in. Something I’ve been doing is realizing all the blessings that have come out of my life with knowing Wendy. There are so many I can’t even count them. I’m so glad we became friends. I miss her terribly but know that one day I will see her again. For now I need to live my life not taking anything for granted. 🌹🥀🌹

One of my friends told me that grieve is like ebbs and flows. It sometimes hits you when you least expect it. The last couple of days in struggling with sadness. This is the longest I’ve gone with not chatting with Wendy. I find this silence almost unbearable. The day she passed away which was two weeks tomorrow they had a massive party for her in heaven. She no longer suffers and she gets to reunite with all those who were taken too soon. While she was sick her dad had passed away so she would be reunited with him.

Apparently the first year is the hardest because you don’t have your friend with you for coffee’s, lunches, get togethers, traditions. All the things we did together and it was lots. On Friday it is her celebration of life. Her daughters and her family are organizing it. Then it’s so final. It’s going to be hard but one good thing about is all the other people who I’m close to will be there. I hate so much she had to die. I miss my friend everyday. This had been the longest two weeks. I want to hear her voice, hear her laugh, just chat like we did often. They say grief is good but it hurts a lot.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what legacy you leave when you die. Wendy left an amazing one. As I said in my last blog I will take everything she taught me and apply it into my life. I sure do miss her so much. I’m so thankful that I got to meet her and her family. I’m blessed she was a big part of my life.

A friend of mine shared this with me recently.

It’s a concept by Henri Nouwen – one of my their favourite quotes.

Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.

I love this beautiful yes Wendy was worth loving all those years. She was the best of the best. Until we meet again my friend.

Today is day two without my best friend. I can’t imagine her not in my life. I first met Wendy at the church I was going to. She had just gotten married. We hung out in the same circles and went to the same Bible study. I was in my early twenties when I met her and from the moment I met her I really liked her. She was funny and had the greatest laugh. She was good at everything she did. I loved her heart and she loved the Lord. I got to know Wendy and her oldest daughter first. My husband and I would go over to their home and play cards and board games. We did that for so many years. I was there for the birth of her second daughter. We went to rabbit shows and she taught me all about breeding rabbits and she was the person I reached out to when I needed rabbit advice. I built a rabbit business with her help.

Wendy had many good friends and we all went camping to Tofino, trips to Jesus Northwest, Oregon, Seattle and our favorite local trip to Parksville and Coombs. I don’t remember how many years the 4 of us did that but we went ever summer. We had a messenger group it was called the Fantastic four. We did everything together. In the earlier days we did Survivor parties, murder mystery nights, dinners and building traditions. Thanksgiving was always our big meal that we did at another friends home. Games nights and Wendy was good she always beat us especially at Dutch Blitz.

Wendy lived life to the fullest even when she got sick. We were all amazed at how how her faith got stronger and stronger and she fought right until the end. She did not let cancer define who she was and like her we all believed that God would heal her. We saw lots of amazing things God did and how He used Wendy in healing and building her faith in others. It was hard to watch her as she got sicker but Wendy had the best outlook on everything. She’s the most positive person when we as her friends struggled.

Wendy loved roses and even got roses to grow that had been thrown out at the store. She took it home and nurtured it and it grew into the most beautiful rose. I think of that as how God sees us. We may think that we have nothing going us and God takes us in and with His love we grow into beautiful people. Not just with people but love works with roses as well. Wendy was proof of that. Wendy made her patio into a sanctuary for her among her roses. It brought her such peace and joy.

This past July we got to go back to Coombs the four of us. Wendy had a hard time but she Managed to get through the day and we had so much fun laughing and hanging out. She told me that she was so glad she went and didn’t let not feeling well stop her from going. She even had an ice-cream because that was what she’d always done when she went there. We took our last photos of the four of us. At Thanksgiving Wendy and I drove up to another friends home and had the best Thanksgiving dinner with so many of our friends and their families. It was such a great evening and Wendy was in such good form. We never knew that, that would be the last time the Fantastic four would be together. We will always be that even though we are missing one.

The craziest thing is the day before Wendy died she was sending us messages trying to organize a ride so she could go back home. Wendy for months on end was so at peace with all that was happening and right until the end she went quickly. I have no idea how to live my life without her because she was part of it all. I’m so glad she’s up in heaven with the Lord. I imagined the trumpets playing and the grand party she got when she entered heaven.

For us down here we will all have to band together. Life will not be the same without her. She was my best friend and I’m so honoured that I got to spend so much time with her and her family. Until we met again girl. I love you ❤️