Author: walking in freedom

Recently I found out that one of my good friends her cancer has spread. The news was not what anyone wanted to hear. This friend is an amazing woman one I cherish very much. Her strength and her outlook on life is amazing and the first time she had cancer I stood in awe at how she led her life. I know her strength is from her faith and it’s tough watching someone you love struggle. I look up to this gal she has no idea how the stands she choose in her marriage helped me be able to stand in mine as well. She did the right thing even though it was so hard on her children. She chose the healthy path. I watched her make it on her own financially. We had many conversations. It’s hard to do what’s healthy for us but without her stand I would not have been able to get out of a marriage that was hard in so many ways.

I love the times we went to rabbit shows and stayed in a hotel together. Rabbits tied us together and when I got into breeding my friend was always there to help me with my rabbits. We both work in the same field with children and my friend is awesome with children. I love her heart. When circumstances came up and our friendship ended for a few years she was the first one to want to try and be friends again. Our friendship became stronger then ever.

One of my favorite things to do is we all pile into another friends van and we head up island. We all get on so well together and have much to talk and laugh about. We stop for lunch and then we go to an amazing thrift shop and spend a couple of hours in there finding all these treasures that people once owned. Sometimes we go to the beach or we find more stores to shop in. We drive back home and stop for dinner on the way home and get home late but feels so good to just be together. There are four of us that hang out together. All of these gals are my best friends. Each of them has a strength that they bring to the group. I love these woman with all my heart.♥️ I’m blessed to have them in my life and I wanted them to know that. We all will be there for each other in this journey we call life.

Living in the USA I had to do something to keep myself busy. I could not legally work. A girl from church told me that I could volunteer with a ministry in town. They collected donations from other churches and gave food, clothing and other services to families. I decided to join up and volunteer. Swannanoa Christian Ministry ended up being a life saver for me. I got in so well and volunteered for 3 years. I loved this place so much and met some awesome people which I still keep in touch with today.

https://www.svcmblackmountain.org/https://www.svcmblackmountain.org/

I provided a link about what they do because it explains it better than I can in here. They get tons of donations from other churches and people who drop off clothing etc. As a volunteer I worked 3 times a week sorting through donations. I storted through clothing, shoes, sheets and towels and household items. For items that we couldn’t use they for shipped to a country that could use them and we only keep seasonal clothing the rest for shipped to places where it was winter or summer depending on what season we were in.

Volunteers were young to older and the mornings I was on I made friends fast with people and we had fun. Two of the gals I worked with lots for put on sheets as there was so many. I joined their team and we were known as the linen sisters. The fun we had both were retired and they wanted to still do something. We often laughed so hard our sides hurt. I loved these women and we’d be sorting clothing and either Jan or Alice would dress up in clothes and parade around the ministry. We always laughed so much. Last year Alice passed away and I was saddened by that. I still keep in touch with Jan. We are still known as the linen sisters.

One day I was sorting through a bag of donations and all of a sudden I let out a huge scream and the volunteers came over to see what I screaming about and inside my black garbage bag was a dead mouse. The things you’d find in your donation bags. People who left valuables in pockets and the ministry would have to track them down. We got tons of donations of people who had died. Even though we had fun there. It was sad to see the people who came in looking for help. Lots of families who needed food or clothing. Homeless Vets who needed a helping hand or the woman whose kids or themselves who were sick and had to find up their homes to pay for medical treatment.

We have no idea how lucky we are in Canada because we would never lose our home to pay for medical. I was able to pray with people especially a woman who was caught in addiction. She yelled at me but she was detoxing and it scared her and I was able to share how God had healed me from alcoholism. God uses our stories and it helps others. That’s why I share my story through my blog because if it helps one person then it’s all worth it. Those were the best three years of my life working in a humble ministry helping others. It was such an amazing experience and God used it. I was sad when I had to leave. I had the greatest memories. It made my time in NC be the best time. I still smile when I think of the People and the fun I had.

If God decided to take you home today or tomorrow or whenever it’s your time to go. Would you be ready? Would you have done what you were expected to do on this earth. Yesterday one of my best friends was in a car accident. Without thinking yesterday she called me. I picked up the phone and heard someone ask her “Are you ok and do you need to go to the hospital? I heard her said no. I tried calling back and no answer. A couple of minutes later I clued in that she must have been in a car accident. I text her and asked and she said yes and I asked if I could help her and she said a mutual friend was coming to get her. For seven hours yesterday I had no idea what was happening other then she was at the hospital getting checked out. I could not go and sit with her because the hospital was full of people visitors were not allowed in. I had to wait and trust that she was ok. I immediately sent out messages to all my prayer warrior friends to pray.

God looked after her yesterday because that accident could have gone so wrong in so many ways. She walked out of her truck that was totalled and she was given a clear bill of health from the doctors. All she got was a small bruise on her knee. She was very shaken up but that’s not surprising. Angels were looking out for her yesterday. I had to trust last night she was ok. After she was ok physically I was so Thankful that she lived. I realized that I have not told her in a while how much I love her and that how important our friendship is to me.

This morning over coffee I was reflecting on life and was thinking of God took me home tomorrow would I be ready to go home. Would I have done everything I needed to do in this earth. I realized that I live a life that is full of love for everyone no matter who they are or what color their skin is. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” I have joy in my life and try to find joy in all things. I often feel the peace of God in my life which peace only comes from Him. I try to patient with everyone especially the children I work with. Sometimes I need more help with this. Kindness is showing others how you care for them in all situations. Generosity I’m generous with my time for others and love giving others gifts. I have huge faith because of what I endured as a child and have seen many miracles in the Lord. I’m still working on gentleness and self control.

I would like to think I would be ready. I told my friend today that God has not finished your story yet and she agreed. Give your family an extra hug tonight or tomorrow and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. When this happens it puts life into perspective and I realize how precious every day is. I don’t want to take advantage of any day. I want to live my life to the fullest everyday. Thank you Lord for keeping my friend safe yesterday. ❤️

This has been on my mind so I thought I’d write about it. I always try to see the best in others. I’m gracious, compassion and understanding. Recently I’ve been in a situation where I’ve bent over backwards for people and given them piles of grace. I don’t think most people would have put up with a lot of what I have had to do. I’m wondering why people think when your nice to them do they want to take advantage of you. Why are they only nice to you when they want something and then turn really ugly when they speak out ? It’s taken me a long time to trust people from all the crap I went through as a kid. I don’t want to change who I have become but certainly don’t want to have to be the brunt of ugliness. Why do these people think it’s ok to treat others like this?

It’s not ok to bully others into what you want for them. I had heard stories about this person and I listened to them and now after what I have experienced I see truth to what they said. I asked my pastor recently why people treat others like this and he told me ” Unfortunately miserable people is often the norm.” I can’t imagine treating anybody like this and being nice and sweet and then becoming almost a different person when it came to their family. This behaviour reminds me of my stepmom. Also you have no idea when the next crazy thing will happen.

No matter what has happened I’ve risen above it and have prayed for them and their family. I imagine they will continue to behave that to others but that’s not my concern. I won’t be around it anymore. I love how God meets our needs and knows exactly what we need. I don’t need toxic relationships in my life. I need those who are kind, caring, understanding and compassionate. Those who love others and those who lift me up. Bullying happens way to much in our society and I hate that especially the vulnerable get caught in it. Bullying will only stop when people speak out about it. ❤️

I’ve have had so much change in the last three years since my husband left. Change used to be scary for me but I have realized that i can make decisions like everyone else. My husband used to make all of them. When he left I felt lost because now I had to figure what I needed. I realized I’m never alone in any decision I make because I have God and He always looks after me. In the three since L left I’ve brought a car, packed up and downsized a whole home and moved and now six months later I’m moving again. I realized the home I’m in now was just a stepping stone to my new home. In two weeks I move closer to my parents and almost back in the same community that I came to when I moved from Ireland. When I moved last summer I was not ready to move out of my community. I had lived here for thirteen and a half years. I needed rest, peace and time to adjust to not being married and all that happened there.

Change used to freak me out because of the unknown and being married to someone who controlled a lot of my life. I was scared would I be able to make the right decisions. I have a lot of people in my life who care and love me and they all pulled up beside me and I have grown and flourished so much. I’m learning who is Sarah? I always had low self esteem and felt unsure but I’m finding that I can make great decisions and in two weeks I’m moving to my new home. It’s a separate house on the property of another home. It’s right in the middle of all the places I go to now. I can bring my rabbit and my dog and it’s quiet and peaceful. I can’t wait to see the adventures I will experience. The best thing is I’m really happy with my life and love simplicity.

So no matter what you’ve been through in your life. Don’t ever second guess yourself. You can do anything you set your mind to you don’t need a man or a woman to define who you are. You are perfect just the way you are.

I never imagined three and half years ago when I decided to blog that it would explode into lots of people reading what I wrote. It was just me writing about a few things in my life. English especially writing was hard for me for a long time so writing a blog was not what I ever imagined. I always had written journals and had lots and lots of them. I then found blogging was therapeutic and for years and years I wrestled with writing a book about my life but that never ever happened. Last year I decided that maybe I would write my memoirs on my blog and I could choose what I wrote about. I realized that the story needed a voice and even though its been hard to write at times, if it helped one person who read it then it was worth it. I never imagined how many people read it now and it has helped people and I know the timing on this pendemic was the right time to share. It’s sad when I connect with people who have lost their faith and given up on what was once important to them. They just are living life with no purpose. That’s hard. I want people to know that when though things have been really hard and tough and times where I wanted to give up and die that I’ve never given up on anything and that I will fight for things that are wrong in this world. I stand continually in the gap for others who are treated wrongly or bullied.

I love that four years ago I joined the school district to work with children. School was my only safe place growing up and the day I went to the school office to apply. As I sat in the office waiting for an interview. It felt like home. I love that I can understand and have compassion and understanding for those children who seem to fit nowhere. I know that feeling. I see the children that play alone, feel horrible about who they are and the ones that have tough times for whatever reason. I love the school I’m in because the children are seen they matter to each of us. I have insight about trauma and abuse.

When I get overwhelmed or maxed out in life I get sick. That’s my body’s way of telling me it’s too much. It’s a lot better now but I used to sick a lot. My body is very sensitive to change and things out of my control. I think part of that is my PTSD. This recent move again in my life triggers massive stress and now a cold. I listen to my body and then I bounce back. It’s hard for people sometimes to understand but if you knew all the things I’ve been through you’d understand. My body will shut down. I used to get really sick and get infections and my body would shut down and it was scary. As years have gone by now I’m lucky I just get a cold or a mild illness. I often think having a very sensitive body is a curse but I realized it’s how your body reacts things in life. I read a book called When your body keeps score and it talks about this and it helped me understand why sickness comes and how your body protects you. It’s very fascinating.

The blog I wrote last night was hard to write. It’s hard for me to write about my marriage and yes it had great parts in it but I’ve shyed away from writing about Spiritual Abuse. I do know now that when I got married I was very vulnerable and looking for love but because I had no idea what love was and coming from my background and past my experiences were messed up. I know Luke loved me but he had a lot of control on my life. I used a lot of my survival skills in my marriage to survive. Even though he’s been gone for almost three years the best thing he could have done was left. I’m now learning about who I am. I realized that I can do many things without him or anybody. I’m not defined by a man. I’m really happy I’m my life with my labradoodle Zeke and my rabbit Jonas. I’m happy and content on my own and I have many awesome great friends who support me and I have an amazing job. I’m learning who Sarah is. I’m really liking what I see. I’ve learned a lot of great skills of how to deal with things that come my way and most of all I have a God who looks after me no matter what.

If you’ve never lived in the Southern USA it’s quite an experience one that I will never forget. People are so friendly and welcoming it doesn’t matter where you are from. People are so laid back and mountain time is nothing like one ever seen in the West. I’ve lived in neighbourhoods and you sometimes have no idea who your neighbours are and they may not ever say hi to you. In the South your neighborhoods are like part of your family. One of the neighbourhoods we lived in people came by and brought us dinner all we had to supply was plates and we quickly realized paper plates were it. People sit on their porches and wave as you drive by. Southern hospitality is the best.

We lived in four different homes in 4 years seemed like we’d get settled in and have to move because all the homes we were in except the last one were sold. Each move we lived still in the same town of Black mountain. It’s a beautiful  quaint town full of great stores and restaurants. It’s surrounded by the black mountains. This is from Wikipedia ” The range takes its name from the dark appearance of the red spruce and Fraser fir trees that form a spruce-fir forest on the upper slopes which contrasts with the brown (during winter) or lighter green (during the growing season) appearance of the deciduous trees at lower elevations.”

Black mountain is part of the Blue Ridge. The most scenic parkway is called the Blue Ridge Parkway. From Wikipedia  ” Blue Ridge, also called Blue Ridge Mountains, segment of the Appalachian Mountains in the United States. The mountains extend southwestward for 615 miles (990 km) from Carlisle, Pennsylvania, through parts of Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina, to Mount Oglethorpe, Georgia.” Its beautiful with all the mountains, the wild rodos which grow really high, the wildlife, the tunnels, and waterfalls. It’s spectacular and well worth a trip if you’ve never been there.

Black mountain is about 15 miles from Asheville, NC a city filled with art, folk music and artists. At the time we lived there it was one of the Top five Cities to live in in the USA. 🇺🇸 I met many different people that I’m still friends with today. Black mountain well always be my home away from home. God puts people in your life for a reason. I have my friends from the church that Luke and I attended, friends I made at dog training classes, friends I made at the Christian ministry I volunteered at in Black mountain and friends who still own a business in Black mountain. Luke worked for these people in their business and I got to know his wife well. We had lots of great adventures in NC and it was a great place to live.

T

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After saying goodbye to my family Luke, Liam and I drove from my hometown to NC. I have to say the US is very picturesque. I immediately fell in love with the countryside and the people were awesome. As we drove we took in the sights. I loved Montana really cute cowboy towns surrounded by the mountains. We drove through Wyoming and another beautiful State. Sheridan was a great town. Then we drove through Iowa, Nabraska to Minnesota. Luke surprised me and took me to the Laura Ingalls Museum. I love that series so much and still own all the seasons on DVD. We camped at Walnut Grove campground. Plum Creek ran beside the place where the museum was. I remember it being so pretty and huge black eyes Susan’s grew by the river back. That was very special and I got a bunch of things from the store in the museum.

We drove through Wisconsin it’s a State known for its cheese and for the first time I ate cheese curds. Not sure they are for me. They are very popular. Then we drove through Illinois and Kentucky. I loved Kentucky because it’s full of horses and huge stables. It is a state known for horseracing, Kentucky fried chicken and Kentucky colonel. It’s had beautiful scenery. Then we drove through Tennessee. Another beautiful State it has the Great smokey Mountains. It took us a week to drive and then we ended up in Asheville, NC. We found a home to rent in Montreat which is where Billy Graham and his wife at that time lived. It’s a beautiful college town surrounded by parks and a lake. Lake Susan I often walked around there.

This is what Lake Susan looked like. Imagine a college with this surrounding it and lots of great trails to walk in. It was so peaceful there. As we settled in and got to know the surrounding areas Luke and I discovered a church that we started going to in the town of Black mountain. I loved the people there so much and they embraced us into their flock. Luke liked it there as well. I joined the woman’s Bible study and I made friends there really fast. Still friends with a lot of them today. Liam decided to move out of the home we rented to do his own thing so we hardly ever saw him. We rented a little double wide trailer right beside this cemetery where Daniel Boone was buried. One great thing about the cemetery is you have the quietest neighbours. It was a really quaint cemetery.

We had started building a life in this town with all these great people. Luke had said when we moved to the US I could have a dog. I wanted a golden retriever so we found a woman in the valley who bred them. That story will be continued. All is I can say is I have not led a boring life. It’s a long trip to NC but I saw a lot of the US I may never see again. The adventure continues…..

You’ve heard that saying when one door closes another one opens. 5 days ago I got news that I had never expected. I was told by my landlady that I was going to have to move in two months because their son was diagnosed with stage 3 emphysema. He can’t be in his place and they want him here. I just found this place 6 months ago and I signed a years lease. I was shocked and overwhelmed. I live in a city where housing is very expensive but there is a shortage. Lots of people with pets trying to find housing that is over priced and nobody wanting pets. To top it off I have two pets a Labradoodle and an outdoor rabbit. My teacher at school recommended I put an ad in to tell people who I am and what I want. I had applied for two places but you never hear back. Seems like landlord’s pile in the people interested and may the best person win.

On the second day my counselor told me that I need to have faith and wait. I don’t know about you but I hate waiting and especially hate the unknown. I reached out to everyone I knew to see if word of mouth would be my best option. Also my landlady told me I had to be out by April 30th even if I hadn’t found a place to live. I would have fought that one as she broke my lease but I also knew that I would not be homeless.

On Tuesday night after I had gone to bed I got an email. I picked it up Wednesday morning and it said that they had seen my ad I had posted looking for a place to live and that they had a one bedroom house separate from their home coming up March 31st and was I interested. I had to reread it twice. They would take me, Zeke my dog and my rabbit. After lots of communication on Wednesday and agreed for me to see it Friday evening.

On Thursday evening I listened to a two hour benefit concert for my friend who a year ago had a brain aneurism and was told she would not survive and that evening online I saw her up on stage with all the people she’s ever sang with. She’s an amazing singer but since her stroke she can’t sing right now. The benefit was to raise money to help her live on her own independently, to get her daughter back, medical and other things.

Beth Moore who is an amazing Bible teacher for up and spoke. One of the things she talked about was if your in the middle of something that is when God can use you. That day I felt such peace and knew whatever happened with the house that I would be ok. Fast forward I took my friend to see the house last night. It’s perfect and less rent then I’m paying now. I told her I would like to rent it and signed me up. I have her references and she thanked me. She took me on my emails and obviously I was the person she had picked for her suite so she didn’t call references. She never advertises her suite. I’ve had people say wow in 5 days you were given notice and got a suite what great luck that is. With God is not luck, it’s part of His plan and with all that stacked against me in this housing market. This could only be God so he closed one door but he opened a huge one for me and blessed my socks off. The timing couldn’t be better either at I’m off two weeks for Spring break and I move at the end of my Spring break. In 26 days I move. Thank goodness I downsized the last time and because my suite is so small it’s not a hard move for me and the place was brand new and I’ve kept it really clean.

I’m looking forward to a new adventure when we left I saw the most incredible colorful sunset with a great view. The place was peaceful and soon I will be a part of that. Here we come!!!!!

I worked at four different jobs before finding one that I loved. I got lots of different experience working in different centers with different clientele and families. The job I loved the most was a Christian daycare. There was many different areas you could work in the same company. For a year I worked in a teen centre at a local high school. I had four teen moms and their children. I helped them juggle school and how to be a parent and while the teens went to school I looked after their children. It was a good job and challenging at the same time. I loved working right by the school. I loved the dedication each of the teen moms had with their children. Teens moms seem have a bad reputation but every girl I worked with really cared and loved their children and wanted a better life for their child. I found many of the boyfriends moms would try and take their children from them. Ironically the boyfriends would disappear from their lives and they were left on their own. Some of them their families disowned them and kicked them out of their homes, so not only were they in school full time with a child they had to find somewhere to live. I built strong relationships with them and I’ve met some of them since they graduated and how they turned their lives around. It’s truly amazing.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances I only worked there a year but learned so many things about myself and the teens. I went back into just regular daycare with infants. Lots of the families who came were low income. That often comes with difficulties with their families. I loved working there because we would give out food to our families if they needed it. I worked there 5 years and took a voluntarily layoff to stay at the same wage I had had instead of going to a lower wage.

The last year I was working at the Daycare I met a guy. Let’s call him Luke. I was not looking for a relationship but I really enjoyed his company and after about six months I moved into his home and lived there. We dated and it was cheap rent because Luke’s best friend Liam lived there as well. Luke had three children from a previous marriage but he only got to see them occasionally. I met them quite a lot before they eventually moved to Ontario. It was hard on Luke losing the children and I often saw him go into deep depressions. I won’t go into that, but there was a whole bunch of circumstances surrounding it and that’s not my story to tell.

In Luke’s home he rented I opened a licenced family daycare in the two bedroom suite below. We already had a big fenced back yard. I loved working with all the families that came. I only could find children under 3 so only being able to have 3 under 3’s two of my children came part time so I had four boys enrolled. They each were two months apart. Our neighbourhood back then was going under a lot of construction so everyday rain or shine we went out for a walk around the neighbourhood. Sometimes we didn’t get far because of an excuvator or other trucks. The boys and I would sit on top of the dirt and watch. They sat for a long time. One of the great memories I have and I have many was dressing them up in their boots and muddy buddies and we could walk in the ditches as they were wide enough and not filled with piles of water and I felt like mother duck with her babies. They would follow me and often they would find sticks and pretend they were fishing. When some of them were younger I would pull them in a wagon. I still have that same wagon today. They loved to garden and often could be out gardening with Luke. He loved spending time with them. Three of the moms had flex time on Fridays so we would go in field trips to see the Christmas trees, go every year to the pumpkin patch. We went on some great trips and I’m still friends today with one of the moms. Last year two of the boys who were friends in my daycare and are still friends today. They both graduated from high school last year.

I loved running that daycare even though it was 10 hour days. I was tired at the end of my weeks but so filling. I ran my daycare for two and a half years and closed it up because Luke, Liam and were heading to the USA in North Carolina. I decided it would be fun to go and see the US. It was hard to leave my family and say goodbye to them. North Carolina is about over 4,000 miles away from where I lived. Saying goodbye is never easy for me especially my family. I never imagined I would be gone for five years. I thought we’d be gone for six months to a year.