Beauty from Ashes.

Grief I’m sick of it. This year has been one of my toughest years I’ve had in a very long time. I know we must go through grief to move on with our lives but I’ve had three lots of it this year. That’s a lot more than most have to do. First I was still grieving Larry moving to the US and being gone. I was married for 19 years and yes our life was not perfect but I loved him. Slowly I got used to being in my own and being surrounded by my friends and now I hardly grieve at all from that.

Then I quit a counseling relationship one I had built for the last 6 years. A person who stood by me in so many areas of my life. It was my decision to leave and I feel I can do it on my own but I did not realize how much it would hurt leaving. This person is someone who I could reach out to if I was having a good day or a hard day or I just needed to know what I was doing was right. She was there a lot for me. I still am grieving that relationship. I miss her a lot.

Then on Sunday my grandpa died. He Almost made it to his 105th birthday. He died of old age. It’s been a hard week for me. Really hard. Work has been so good to me and I was able to take off five days. I’m so glad because I can’t concentrate on much and I get frustrated easily. I’m Exhausted it takes all I have to just get up and do things. I’ve forced myself to put up Christmas lights, go out today. When I am feeling not so raw I will write about my grandpa he was an amazing man. As I was sitting in my grief a couple of days ago I realized that my grandpa is the only grandpa I was able to have a proper relationship with in my life.

When I found my mom again I got to know her mom and dad my grandparents for only for a short while before they both died. I bearly remember my other grandparents and I hardly ever saw them. Grandpa Jack accepted me into his life and I’ve had such an incredible long relationship with him. He loved people and he loved to laugh. Everyone loved him so much. I’m so blessed he helped mold me into who I am today. I love you Grandpa RIP❤️

Feeling like you belong is the best feeling in the world. I love that I get to stay in one school and really feel like I belong. I’ve been in my class for two months. It feels like I’ve been there forever. It’s such a perfect fit for me. The kindergarten teacher is awesome and I love so much from her every day. She’s got such compassion for each and everyone of those children.

As I was leaving today for the weekend the children were saying goodbye. The teacher asked them if they wanted to say Anything to me. Almost all of them put up their hands. I was told hope you have a good day, Thank you for helping us today, I love you, lots said have a great day. Good bye said one. I told them my best part of the day was spending time hanging out with each of them.

As I left I smiled at feeling like I belong with them in their class. For so long in school I moved from school to school. That is hard because when you feel like you belong then you have to always leave. That’s the hardest thing for me. For so long in my life I had a hard time fitting and feeling like I belonged anywhere. When I left the only family I knew. I had to leave my siblings whom I loved. I saw them one more time and I have never seen them since.

When I moved from Ireland to Canada I didn’t belong anywhere. I didnt fit. Many times in my life I have felt I didn’t belong. Now I don’t feel like that anymore. I belong to my class and a great school. I belong to my church, I belong to an awesome life group with amazing woman who love Christ. I belong with my Good friends. I no longer feel like I don’t belong. I belong and I feel special to many people whose paths I cross. It’s such a great feeling to belong.

Today is American Thanksgiving. I’m so thankful for all of my American friends. I have a lot of them in different states. I have a lot of them who live in NC. My husband and I used to live there for 5 years. We lived up in the Mountains in a cute town called Black Mountain. It’s nestled near the Blue Ridge Parkway. That is the most Amazing drive and the scenery is to die for. The blue Ridge Parkway runs through many states.

The Blue Ridge Parkway is a National Parkway and All-American Road in the United States, noted for its scenic beauty. The parkway, which is America’s longest linear park, runs for 469 miles through 29 Virginia and North Carolina counties, linking Shenandoah National Park to Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Wikipedia

It’s such a beautiful drive. I loved living in the Blue Ridge Mountains so much and made many friends. I’m still blessed to have many of them still in my life. It’s gorgeous Countryside. Well worth a visit if you’ve never been there. Southerns are amazing friendly people that welcome you into their neighbourhoods and bring you dinner. Southern hospitality is like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I have an awesome friend who lives in Arkansas and runs a ranch where they rescue horses and team them up with children. I went to visit her and I’d never been to Arkansas before. It’s beautiful but can be extremely hot like when I went. I also have another good friend living in this state as well.

One of my favorite places to visit is Central Oregon. It’s my home away from home. I often write about it. I love it so much and have been to visit in both winter and summer. I have some of my best friends who live there. Those snow colored mountains make my heart skip a beat Every time I see them. I hate covid because our border has been closed for so long. I had hoped to return to Bend this Christmas. Now I’m hoping I can go back and visit in the summer. I’m hoping to go and volunteer at the ranch of rescued dreams. The ranch known as Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch.

I’m so blessed and Thankful for all my friends who live there. So many good memories and good times. I also have other friends scattered across the US I’m thankful for each of them as well. God has blessed me with many great people in my life. I am truly blessed.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ there is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 This verse is mentioned in the Bible eight different times. God wants all of us to love our neighbours so much so that He commanded us. We also need to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.

Part of loving our neighbours means we need to love ourselves as well. How can we love others if we can’t hold that love ourselves. I’m learning a lot about love lately. God is showing me that I need to be more open and love everyone. Jesus He loved everyone and never judged anyone for who they are. Grace takes the seed of His love and the soil of our heart and creates fruit for the kingdom of God.

The Bible says, “it’s God who works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Phillipians 2.13). Loving Him and our neighbor pleases the Lord. Grace helps us do this. Grace teaches us love and respect for ourselves and for our neighbors. When loving others we need compassion. God has given me huge compassion for others. I understand those who have been picked on for whatever reasons. I was bullied a lot in school for being different.

Loving our neighbours to me also means building up others and giving them our encouragement. There is so much tearing down of others that we all need encouragement in our lives. My love extends to everyone no matter who they are. Even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes.

God is showing me that in many areas of my life. The best feeling in the world is knowing that you are loved by God first and then by others. Feeling loved and accepted is huge. Reach out to people in your life and show them God’s love today. ❤️

During this pendemic is stressful enough for the adults what happens to the children in all of this. I see how much stress and anxiety it’s causing the children. It’s hard for them they don’t understand about it. I know many of them hear their families talking about it and then it comes out at school.

For six months they did not come to school only a few went to school. Six months is a long time to be at home and not allowed to play at parks or be near other children. As an adult it’s hard enough to remember not to touch someone let alone a kid. How many five year olds really understand that? Some of our children come to school with a mask, some keep them on most take them off. They feel the pressure that their families want them to wear them. It’s so hard to play, talk, socialize with a mask on. Many just want to be kids. They take them off.

I see tears and some are so scared when a child brushes past them. I’ve seen some of them drawing covid in their workbooks. All day we wash our hands and put on hand sanitizer. We feel the stress from their families, they in turn feel that stress. I told a teacher today we will all be so messed up from what we couldn’t do when the virus is over.

When the children are in school we let them be kids as much as possible. For the time they come to school they get a break from the stress from the outside world. We follow the rules of what we are supposed to do. Please make sure that we listen to what these children say. They are important and have feelings just like us. I like many can’t wait for this virus to be done.

A woman plagued with a health problem for years saw Jesus walking by. She thought to herself if she could just touch the hem of the garment of Jesus, she could be healed. She touched the hem of his garment and was healed. Jesus walks by us every day. We can reach out to him. […]

Music Mondays- Touch The Hem of His Garment by William McDowell ft Trinity Anderson

I reposted this because this is such a powerful story in the Bible and I love this song that Jesusluvsall has chosen to go with his blog. It’s a great way to start our week.

I had no idea how hard teachers work until I became part of a classroom. They have to juggle all the pieces of their class. Today I was in charge of my class for about 45 minutes. The teacher checked in as she was out in the hallway. I was doing pretty well. Some of the children were drawing in their books, others had their story boxes and the others were reading. Then it slowly started to unfold and then sometime said something that hurt someone else. Then there was tears and high emotions. I had to stop writing in the children’s books and deal with the conflict. The teacher came back and she’s amazing she listens to each child and then again reminds them that we don’t say we are not your friend as it hurts feelings so much. The children really respond to her.

Afterwards I told the teacher in my room wow how do you juggle all of this everyday. I remained calm throughout all of it. She just smiled and said a lot of practice. Teachers tend to get a lot of grief but they sure work really hard to meet the needs of their children. For teachers it’s not just about teaching, it’s about having compassion and understanding. The lady I woke with has a huge heart for her children. I love it because that’s how I am with the children. ❤️

Teachers have not always been were I would want them to be. In Ireland the teachers there seemed like drill sargents. They would hit you on the hand with a ruler or one teacher would throw the blackboard eraser at you if they got mad. I had my head banged on the table. Not all teachers were like that. Mrs. Baker she was the school Librarian and she saved my life with giving me any bills I wanted to read. I loved her so much. I reached out to her a year or so before she passed away and thanked her for all she had done for me in my life. She was my hero. An amazing woman.

When I moved from Ireland to Canada the teachers in my high school were awesome and caring and understanding. They came to my rescue when I was being bullied. My guidence counselor he put a stop to it. I trusted him and he helped me out a lot in my school years. The teachers at this school worked so hard to give me extra help to help me graduate.

Who knew that a shy kid who had never been challenged in her life and who struggled in school so much, could now be able to write with love and compassion about topics that are important to her. I love writing so much it’s like a nessitity in life. I so appreciate all of my readers. Thank you for following me.

Next time you hear about teachers and someone is complaining about them. Think about how hard they work everyday to give their students the best they can.

https://scatter2020.com/youth.html

This is an online conference with many different speakers. The one I would like you to listen to is the very first video from Kim Meeder. She’s my really good friend and mentor. I love this video so much because it shows you what the ranch is all about. This is the ranch many of you have heard me talk about and in this video you can see what they do at the ranch. This video is about Hope which we all can use especially in these times.

These mountains are the ones that you can see from the ranch and the cover photo of my blog is the view of the ranch up at the cross. Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch is a ranch that rescues horses and teams them up with children. It’s my happy place to be. I had hoped this year I would go and visit but not with Covid. So I wait patiently until that time comes again.

Kim has an amazing testimony and I hope that each of you will listen to what she has to share with us. It’s very encouraging and gives us hope. Her stories remind me of my own life and where God has me at this time. The last story she shares in the video about the dog with the 6 inch arrow found in his body that been there for 4 months. The wound would not heal it continued to seep and now it was hindering how the dog walked. This reminds me of sin in my life. Unless you get it cut out by God, it will hinder you in all you do in your life. It continues to grow and fester and seep. It can not be healed unless you surrender it to God. It needs to be brought into the light. Light that is shone on a sin, lessens the power and grip it has over you.

The arrow that was in Dakota was removed no wonder this dog had so many problems all these months but it also shows me that that this dog was not giving up even after someone had tried to kill it. The dog wanted to live and now had a new life rescued from its abuse. I love that we too can be rescued from whatever hinders us in our lives. What are the arrows we have in our lives? They stop our growth….. Surrender yours today.

The last couple of days has been very interesting. I realized today that no matter what is happening that I cannot take life for granted. Life is a gift from God and that we must use it wisely. Why are we on this earth? I Believe God uses our circumstances and our pasts to help others. I don’t believe in coincidences only God instances.

Tuesday night I started to feel under the weather so I went to bed earlier. I woke up on Wednesday feeling really off and under the weather. On Thursday I was thinking it was my divitulitis back again. After talking to doctor on the phone I had a bunch of symptoms especially chills that he told me to get a covid test.

Today I went and had the test done. It’s a really easy test and it’s done in 10 secs. It’s like having water up your nose like when you go swimming. Even though I knew I didn’t have Covid, this scared me a lot. It made the virus really real to me. I read the sheets I was given about where you had been and if your positive who you’ve been around in the two days before your symptoms. It made me realize that I could be putting a whole bunch of people at risk including those in school.

I now understand a lot more about the virus in these two days. I’m thankful that my test was negative so grateful. That’s where I realized not to take life for granted. I must continue the plan God has for my life. Everyday I help others at school or I can share about my past and my difficulties I used to have, but no longer have. There are so many hurting people out there in our world. Someone who understands goes a long way. There is freedom out there. Reach out for it today. ❤️

I’m reminded today of Psalm 23 for those who fell discouraged. This is like a prayer read it aloud I love this psalm.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul, He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me, Your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You have anointed my head with oil. My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwelling the house of the Lord forever.

The words of this psalm are so beautiful and it reminds us that no matter where you are in your life, that God leads us to quiet waters. He restores our souls and guides us in the path of righteousness. We don’t have to fear anything as God is always with us. His rod and staff they comfort me. Surely and goodness will follow me all my days and when I’m with the Lord I will be with Him forever. What great amazing promises are these for us. So no matter where you are today even if you feel discouraged reach out to Him today. This psalm is like a prayer for me. He’s got us even if we can’t see Him or feel Him.

He loves us no matter what we have done or even if we feel as though we can’t forgive ourselves. He’s watching out over us. I love so much He restores our soul. As a person who used to be caught in addiction wow this is such an amazing gift to know. Don’t let shame bring you down. Shame and guilt can cripple your soul. You are beautiful in His eyes. Even if you don’t feel like that now. It took me a long time to be able to look in the mirror and love what I saw. There is freedom from addiction. I never ever thought I would have three years from it. If your tired of running or just feeling done. Find someone to talk to. Reach out to a friend. I found a Christian counselor someone to walk this journey on. I unpacked tons of crap from my life. I wanted to be well. I was tired of masking the pain and stuffing it down deep. I was so done. You to can be free. Reach out today. God has this and so do you. ❤️ Don’t be discouraged.