Author: walking in freedom

I’ve been off work now for a week. It seems like longer. I hurt my back and hip at work. I realized when your in pain the whole world continues on but it feels like life is passing you by. It’s made me stop and think about those who are in pain everyday. I couldn’t imagine how that feels. I do know when your in piles of pain it stops you doing all your normal activities. Pain can be so isolating. Everyone you know is at work so it can be lonely and when basic tasks are painful.

I reached out to my friends for help. Help with groceries and my neighbour bless his heart is an amazing man he’s helped me so much. I told my physio yesterday it feels like when your immune system is down and you get sick. That’s what it feels like in my body I’ve gone through so much in the last few months that my body is down and then I’m not vulnerable to getting hurt. She said that’s very interesting that I would think that. She talked about invisible things in our bodies nobody sees. In grief we suffer my body is suffering also.

Many of us suffer inside our bodies with depression, suffering, our mental health. Please don’t suffer alone there are places to turn to and people to talk to. Just because we look fine on the outside we could be suffering inside. I hate being off work and in pain but I do know this to shall pass. For some this is their daily life.

While I sat in the clinic the other day I saw a man whose bottom half of his leg was amputated and how he now had to face his life without his limbs. Another man sat beside me just out of rehab trying to find his way in this world sober. Overwhelmed and unsure where this would lead him. I realized that no matter what I have in life I’m grateful for what I have. There is someone out there who is worse off that you. Even in pain I am grateful for my life.

A Woman’s Take On The Super Bowl Halftime Show And Human Dignity. . .

This has been the hot topic since the SuperBowl last weekend. I did not watch the game or half time but heard how demoralizing the show was to woman. What I don’t understand is SuperBowl weekend is one of the largest Sex trafficking weekends. Last year over 1.5 million people in the US are victims of trafficking for sexual exploration. About 750 people were arrested in nationwide Sex trafficking sting operations before SuperBowl last year.

This year millions of children were watching the SuperBowl and this showed young girls that sexual exploitation of woman is ok. We already lived in a very Sexualized world. As I’ve written before pornography is huge in both men and woman in our world. The numbers are staggering every year. Some are calling this like watching soft porn. I bet there were a lot of conversations with children after watching this. This saddens me so much. What are we teaching our children? Since my recovery in sexual addiction I realized watching sexual videos, there are real people on screen. Porn is fantasy but these peoples lives are real and they are being forced into this industry and so many are dying inside. These women have to be high to perform and it’s destroying so many people’s lives.

There is good news Jesus can heal you, transform the way you see. He can set you free from this addiction. Layer by layer He can heal your brokenness and restore you to the person He created you to be. Thank you Lord for being my healer, deliever , restorer and redeemer. We must take every thought captive. We are in a battle of our minds. We must put off our old selves and be renewed in the Spirit of our minds. By running from these lies and running to God the power of sin can be broken.

We also need to protect our children and educate them about what they are seeing and how they perceive this world. Unfortunately these two woman from half time have a lot of young people who look up to them. Why not be a role model for something not Sexualized and still have young people look up to you.

I feel I’m being challenged to death right now. I wish my life would slow down. It’s been a tough three months and does not seem to be slowing down. My husband leaving has been the hardest thing for me. So many unknowns but one thing I do know more than anything else is that I fully trust the Lord with all my heart and soul. It’s not always easy. Even though I’m going through this I see God in so much of what I do. He’s brought awesome people into my life. One of those woman is my friend and I have grown to love. She’s always there for me and these past months I’m not sure I could do my life as well as I have. She understands so much about grief and loss and has stood by me in more ways than I could imagine. I love how we both can laugh and cry together. This past week I hurt my back at work and today she came over and helped me organize things in my home that just leave me some what overwhelmed.

God has given me another opportunity to go back to the school I love so much. I find it really hard hurting myself and not being able to work in the position I applied for. I know this is a temporary setback but I find myself second guessing myself. I realized when I needed money God gave me money where I least expected it. Trusting God is all I have in this period of grief and adjustment.

One of the positive things that has come out of this is I’m finding each day more and more peace and that I’m starting to find out who Sarah is and I’m loving that about myself. God has given me so many people and friends and an awesome family. He gives me just what I need to go on. God uses people in my life to give me hope and encouragement like Kim’s book encountering our wild God.

So each day I must continue to Trust you that this temporary and it soon will be a blur in my life once forgotten and on to something else. It doesn’t matter what your going through in your life. Life can be really hard and difficult. Be kind and loving to yourself and for me I must not be so hard on myself. God is looking after me always. Thank you Lord for that. Thanks to all who have prayed for me lately for my back, my job God has heard our prayers and He’s got an awesome plan for me. I just need to be patient. As the saying goes patience is a virtue.

I recently reread this book. I read it when it first came out and I thought it was a really good book. Then I picked it up and wow I loved how much I could relate or just needed that encouragement from the information in the book. Kim Meeder and her husband Troy are good friends of mine. Some of my friends know that they own a ranch in Central Oregon called Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch. They rescue horses and team them up with children. I fell in love with this ranch when I visited it in 2009. Since then I have gone many times and I love this place so much. It’s become my home away from home. The ranch is a peaceful, restful healing place for me and I have volunteered there a lot.

Kim is an amazing writer I feel like I’m there when she writes. She is an amazing woman of God and her life now reflects what God has done and is doing in her life. The ranch is a refuge for those who want to know Him more. Kim follows what God instructs her to do Pray Listen and Do. Her stories in this book are simple acts of obedience. The stories offer Hope and encouragement. Kim says ” That’s the wild simplicity of our God.”

This book is about stories of people Kim and Troy have met and how just being there for them has helped others in so many ways. God has lead a lot of different people into their lives but because Kim is willing to do whatever God asks of her people’s lives have been changed. She spreads the gospel who this wild God is to her. She trusts Him with her whole entire life.

Her testimony of her life and meeting the Lord at 9 years old through a horse. This book is very inspiring. She offers practical everyday ways to persue and trust Him no matter what we go through in our lives. I was going to share some stories but I can’t write and capture it the way Kim can. This book I would highly recommend everyone to read.

We all have different journeys in our lives. I’m learning how to Listen, pray and Do. It’s not always easy but it’s a really rewarding place to be. What path has God led you to be on? Where is He leading you in your life? Are you able to allow down and really listen to what the Lord is telling you. I have learned a lot from this and I see God using me every day to make a difference in the lives of others, especially those precious children. God also uses me in prayer. I’m a big prayer Warrior and have seen also things through prayer. My heart and soul is for people.

Follow your passions and Christ will meet you where you are in life.

https://www.lep.co.uk/retro/we-were-very-lucky-prestons-lady-milena-tells-her-incredible-story-75th-anniversary-liberation-auschwitz-1376335

https://snappshots.com/2020/01/28/the-seven-others/

This is a well written article about the seven others who died in the helicopter crash last Sunday.

Walking into a new school each day or week can be scary for me sometimes. I like knowing where I’m going but on call you don’t get that consistency. I see a lot of different children every day they come from all walks of life. Some are leaders and really outgoing, some of them are not sure where they fit. Some are extremely shy and others just trying to get by in life. I’ve always been drawn to those who stand out from everyone else. Probably because I stood out as a child. I never knew where I fit in and no matter how hard you try your just different.

Those are the children I’m drawn to. I love when there is consistency in my life because when there is I can start to draw in those children. Trust for them is huge. I know all to well what that is like. They want to know someone cares for them and appreciate s them for where they are at. They crave attention and seek it out. I see myself in many of the children I see each day. I understand and I know how to help. I’m also drawn to the children who have autism I make sure I stop in the hallway everyday and say hi and acknowledge them. They are often passed by especially with their peers. That’s a lovely place to be.

On the other side of this I see their peers reaching out to them to help them. That puts a smile on my face. If we teach our children acceptance then they will model that to others no matter who they are. EVERY CHILD MATTERS. I recently built up a bond with a boy with autism. He was a really bright boy who has a really good sense of humour. There always is a fine line with him but I learned how to navigate him and see the signs of when he would escalate. I spent half an hour with him everyday while his worker went on lunch. We played together and he made up all the rules he wanted and we laughed together. I love how God gives me the tools I need for each child.

I hear the same thing after spending a week in a class with children why can’t you stay we need you here. I love that I’m wanted wherever I go. I’m making a difference in children’s lives. I love that so much. If I can make one child feel safe in this big world then I’ve done my job.

I used to blame everyone for my horrible childhood but that is what has helped me see children in a light most people miss. I see the brokenhearted and the lost and those that just don’t fit in. I have so much patience and understanding and kindness and empathy in my heart. That has made me who I am today.

What are you good at in your lives? Don’t shy away from it. God will use you in what you’re passions are.

The only way I could ever think of reconnecting with my past is through true forgiveness in my life. A year ago I did just that with my dad and stepmom. Forgiving them was not giving them a free pass on how horrendous my brother and I were treated as children. That will always be etched in my mind. To be forgiven means I’m freeing myself up from their baggage and bondage and not carrying hate in my heart for the two of them.

Hate is such a strong word but that’s how I felt about them both. Some of you know my past some of you don’t. Abuse of all kinds was huge in my life. I was also very neglected and tossed aside. We had animals that got more care then I did. I had been bitter and angry and dispising them for a long time. I already had gone through alcoholism, sexual addiction and using food as a comfort. At some stage in my life I just got so tried of carrying all that around.

I had lived that life for so long. My friend Kim she’s an incredible wise woman of God had me pray with her in the wilderness a year ago at Christmas. Her and I knelt in the dust with the sun pouring down on our faces and I asked God to forgive me for all the hate I carried in my heart for so many years. I prayed for forgiveness for my dad and stepmom. I prayed for their hearts and souls and that God would use them in some way. I prayed God would send someone into their lives. Since that year I pray for them when I feel led too. It’s once in a while but I feel peace about it. That is a huge miracle in my life. Never before have I ever felt peace with those two people.

As this new year rolled around I felt a tug on my heart to reach out to my dad. I have 4 stepsisters and 1 step brother and I have no connection with any of them. My sister and I were really close growing up. I miss her a lot. I believe this communication is to help me reconnect with my siblings. I wrote an email it was brief but I did say that the past would stay in the past and that I was really happy with my life. My dad answered back and the start of communication has begun.

I have no expectations of what will happen here. I have noticed when I take that approach then the hurt is less on your heart and sometimes it becomes really good more than you ever imagined. I don’t know where this will lead us but I do know God’s hand is huge in it and I feel serene peace through it all. One day at a time.

Are there people in your life you need to forgive? I pray that my story can encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you. It’s so freeing to know that these people can no longer hurt me like before. Freedom from forgivess brings peace to one’s soul. Release it to the Lord today.