Beauty from Ashes.

Despite this being one of my toughest years. I’ve many blessings in my life. So much to be Thankful for. Yesterday I went to our local Christian store and I know the couple well who run the store. They were telling me that when Covid came they knew that they had to keep their store running. They are the only ones opened all across BC. They felt that in hard times that finding God was something people would look to for comfort.

Sure enough people came looking for peace and comfort and Mike told me that mothers and daughters came in buying their first bibles or wanting to do Bible studies together. People came in and had found God and wanted to know more. God is moving despite Covid. He’s using this bookstore to draw people closer to Him. On faith they stay open. God has blessed both him and his wife with the stories of people. I love that a lot. I shared about my faith and how much I’ve grown in Him through my injury at work and then Covid. His wife told me that there is a sparkle in my eyes that something is different in me. I told them about my husband leaving and how God had shown me so many things since he’s been gone. Yes it’s been hard but I’ve grown so much in Him. Obviously God is doing something because one of my other friends confirmed this as well.

I’m blessed to have so many awesome people in my life. Yesterday I was part of a social zoom for the school I spent four months in. I love this school so much and praying that I can get a job there. I had not seen any of them since Spring break and they were all so happy to see me and it was like I was still part of their team. One day I will get a job there.

For now I have an opportunity to work with a boy I’ve known for three and a half years. I get to help him do his school and meet with his teachers and his EA on video. I love helping him. This boy makes my heart soar. I love him so much. He’s Pretty fond of me as well and apparently asks if I’m coming every day.

I have many good friends here in Canada as well as my awesome American friends. I miss them a lot. I miss the ranch and the people who are special to me there. I’m blessed to be part of that family as well. It’s my home away from home. I’m blessed with my family, blessed that I have a huge heart for animals and children.

I’m blessed for my church family. It’s good to see them all on zoom each Sunday but can’t wait to get back to seeing them in person and our meals together. I miss my church peeps. I’m blessed so much. ❤️

Look what I picked up today from the local Christian store. This book is released next week May 5th. For local people the Christian store has 6 more copies in now.
I’m so excited to read what my good friend Kim Meeder will write about. Jim Daily the president of Focus on the Family did the foreword I love what he writes ” Kim Meeder is a gifted storytellers has incredible passion for pointing people towards the healing power of Christ. Kim has a huge love for those who bear deep emotional we wounds, is very evident in her on going work with children Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch – Empowering the Ministry

I have the honor of calling this woman my friend. Looking forward to this read so much. You can order it off Amazon, & Barnes and Noble, or the Christian store in your town. ❤️

I’m so grateful in my life for all those who love and care for me. Addiction for a long time was my life in so many ways. I had people who stood by me faithfully and I’m so thankful for all of them. I Believe addiction is easier to deal with if you have that support system.

I’m two and a half years free of sexual addiction and lately I’m wanting to help other women caught in the same addiction. I understand and have empathy and know to well what feelings sexual addiction brings to a person. Guilt and serious shame. Shame is awful and makes one feel so unworthy. I know now that feeling is not from God and He loves us no matter what. Slowly I’m learning who I am and that I no longer have to live in shame and guilt. Occasionally it creeps in and I pray and stop those lies in my head.

Just Recently God laid on my heart to help a woman caught in sexual addiction. She can’t afford to put a accountability filter on her devices. Three other woman and I pitched in so that we can buy her a year’s worth of accountability filters for her devices. For me that is one of my life lines. I will use that the rest of my life. I told this woman and she bust into tears and was thankful that we wanted to do this for her. I told her it was me giving back to her the way others had done this for me. She wept and was so taken back. I then saw shame creeping in and I told her it was very brave of her to tell me about this addiction and the first part of healing is bringing it into the Light.

I love that each one of these women wanted to donate their money to this cause. Each one of them whom I admire so much had an addiction also that they now are in sobriety. I’m praying for this lady. Sexual addiction is a tough addiction to be free from. I can say today I never thought I would ever come out of mine, but I was proven wrong and today I remain free.

I pray for other Women caught in this addiction as well. Send me a Message if you want resources or just need to talk I’m here for you. ❤️

It’s really hard to see my dad struggle and Not being able to remember things he’s just been told. The stress of things changing around him that he cannot control and not understanding and then in turn not remembering. I’m watching my mom losing the man she’s known for 45 years. I’m watching her grieving the loss of her husband. I’m losing the man who has helped me my whole life with so many things. He was the best guy to go to for different strategies or to figure out things. Stresses of course make it worse and change is really hard. Now he’s seeing the hallucinations. It breaks my heart but I’m so glad I can be there to just listen when things get tough.

One awesome thing that has helped is a local choir called Voices in Motion. It is a multi generational choir for those with memory loss and their caregivers. This choir has helped my dad so much. He no longer can read books but I often see him reading the notes of the music and I hear him singing and he’s started whistling>I’ve never heard him whistle ever in my life. He loves this choir because everyone excepts him for who he is. It is a well known fact that music increases socialization, cognitive function and everyone in the group has a huge appreciation for each other. For my mom it’s a place she can sing and get support at the same time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mACRfxjvddA

I’m having a tough time. It’s been almost 7 months since my husband left to live in the USA. I miss him a lot in so ways and others not so much. I’m not sure where that leaves me. I’ve been doing a good job with grieving and it’s less and less but today is a hard day.

I’m missing my routine of school and hanging out with friends or family. Being able to go anywhere you want and do things. I met one of the teachers from the school I grew to love so much this year and we had a great chat in the Parking lot of the grocery store. Good to see her but we both commented on how much life has changed. I was just thinking of kids at that school while I drove to pick up masks.

It’s been a tougher year for me this year with hurting my back and hip at work the end of January. I’ve bearly worked this year and now I’ve been laid off. It makes me sad because I love school and helping the kids. One good thing about all of this is I’m able to do respite care for the boy I worked with before. I’m helping him do his kindergarten lessons at home. I live spending time with this boy. He lights up my life so much. I’m Thankful I get to see him 3x a week. That also breaks up my days of just staying at home.

People who know me well know that I love animals. I love rabbits so much. Some call me the bunny whisper I’ve done things with rabbits I never thought I’d ever do. I have hand fed rabbits whose mothers could not feed them enough. I’ve rescued rabbits and fed them. Yesterday I rehomed one of my rabbits. I’ve had to retire both my male and female they are to old to continue breeding. 3 weeks ago my female gave birth to a very cute little baby rabbit. I stayed up most of the night making sure babies were born in the nest or helping when a baby got stuck.

It’s funny how and why I love rabbits they are the lowest animals on the totem pole. I’m sad to rehome my buck but the home he’s gone to is incredible and I could not pass up that opportunity. That doesn’t help with my sadness today. Life Before the pendemic was hard enough now this life I’m finding tough. I hope soon we can go back to some normalcy. I’m ready for that. I now find myself coordinating my masks with my wardrobe.

I know I will get through this like everyone else. It’s funny I’m at home a lot now and I’m writing less and less. Writing is good for my soul. How is everyone else doing during this pendemic? Tonight I will just pray more and reach out to those who I love. Thanks for listening. ❤️

This is the you version of Kim Meeders new book coming out in May.

This is today’s devotional.

Some of the greatest threats of personal revival are pride and complacency. We can become so prideful that it is easy to believe we do not need to follow Him any more than we currently are.

True redemption, however, equals a true change of direction. And the true change of direction we wish to see in the world begins with our hearts first.

Indeed, God continues to call those who are still listening.

It is time to advance forward into My perfect plan. It is time to fly into the realm for which you were created. I am sending you out into the blackness. I am sending you into the world . . . to transform it for My glory. Beloved, it is time to leap into all you were created for.

Revival is reawakened within a heart when it chooses to:

• Embrace freedom by breaking the boomerang of the past

• Pursue God by getting in the truck of His presence

• See the unseen with the Father’s love

Revival is restored within a soul when it chooses to:

• Trust that Jesus will never, ever let go

• Abide in faith and not be faithless any longer

• Engage worship to break off the enemy’s attacks

• Pursue forgiveness by letting that junk go

Revival is renewed within a mind when it chooses to:

• Stop serving God with a spiritual flat tire and obey Him

• Allow belief to become breakthrough

• Radiate joy, the hallmark of the redeemed

• Pursue purity to see God’s face

Revival is reinforced into strength when it chooses to lean into:

• Courage over being scared—which allows the enemy to win

• Standing firm, knowing the enemy might start the fight, but Jesus always finishes it

• Genuine discernment, which begins with genuine listening

Revival is fully understanding the power of your testimony. It is reliance on inviting the Holy Spirit to lead intentionally. It is choosing to live for God alone and reaching for those struggling in the deep water while not getting entangled in the ropes of wreckage. Revival begins when one chooses to be clothed with the very presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Let today . . . be that day.

Prayer: Jesus, every revival starts the same way. Each one is fueled by love—love for You alone. Today, I commit with all that I am to embrace the transforming fire that is Your presence. Let Your revival rise in me. Amen.

Life has changed so much in the last few weeks. Today marks day 6 of being at home away from people. It’s been hard for me. I’m sure it’s hard for a lot of people as well. I’m an extrovert so not being able to hang out with my friends or go to work has been really hard. I’m still on WCB but my gym had to close so now doing my workouts at home. That is nice that I don’t have to get up and rush out. It’s been a challenge in so ways because it’s a 4 hour program and my poor body has never worked out for 4 hours. It’s good when I pace myself. Something I don’t do well. It’s all or nothing.

I’m learning how to strengthen my body so that I never hurt myself at work again. It’s good and what’s that saying no pain no gain. Slowly I’m gaining that strength so that’s good. Working out is a good distraction and breaks up the day lots which is good.

This whole way of living has triggered past things. Hunger for me was huge growing up and even though I have enough food it triggered that with this pendemic. Not having enough food, being so hungry and well that feeling is nothing like you could ever imagine. The other thing that got triggered for me was being alone. Yes I’m alone with not being able to hang out with certain people and lots of people have a significant other or children to hang out with. I have Zeke and two cute bunnies. The lack of people in my life is hard.

That’s why my relationship with the Lord is the most important. You are never alone with Christ in your life. He is there and so during my lonely times I reach out to Him and He holds me close. Then I feel that peace that only transcends from Him. We can be lonely in our marriages I was for a long time, or we can be lonely in our homes. God wants us to reach out to Him.

I have my friends whom I can video chat with as well. I’m learning a lot in this time away from people and work. This week I brought my first lawnmower and mowed my lawn. It looks good and again doing so many things I never thought I’d have to do without my husband. I can do these things and yes I will survive the social distancing. We are all in this together.

All the empty shelves at the stores is something I’ve never seen before. We live in a world where there always has been plenty. The stocking up and hoarding is like I’m in some movie. It feels almost not real. For weeks now you can’t find hand sanitizer, disinfectant wipes, disinfectant cleaning products and less and less toilet paper.

I’m not here to discuss what will happen with this virus or not we hear enough of that in the media. This past couple of weeks have been surreal for me. I go out somewhere and especially in stores feel super overwhelmed and feel almost out of body experience. I procrastinated on getting supplies. I finally sat down and asked God why I felt like that.

A picture came into my mind of me as a child hungry and wondering where or when my next meal would be. If I listened to what the media says about everything I’d to live in fear. I prayed about it and I know I will be ok. There is enough food and that if we go under a lock down I have enough in my home. I also have lots of family and friends and this time I’m not alone. As a kid I suffered alone. As an adult thanks to counseling and a lot of good people in my life including the Lord I am not afraid.

I’m so glad I have the Lord in my life. I feel peace that He is near. Draw close to Him. If we have to be in a lock down then spend your time with Him. I’m lucky I got to do that for the month I was off work. I feel he’s prepared me for this. Thank you Lord for looking after me.

It’s hard to be told that you use food as comfort and that it’s no better than your addiction of choice you used to do. That hit me hard because I’ve been free of sexual addiction for two and half years. I’m so glad I don’t struggle with that anymore. For years on and off I’ve struggled with over eating and using food as a comfort. It raised its ugly head recently when I felt back in a corner and felt like I had no way out. I felt trapped and powerless. Instead of stopping and realizing this triggered past stuff I chose to use food instead of validating why I was feeling those feelings. I found comfort in a bag of chips and a bag of candy. That helped soothe my soul. I didn’t lay out down in front of God I just ate instead.

My counselor pointed out that this is no different then using addiction. Food can be used as addiction if used for the wrong reasons. Great I’m glad she pointed it out to me so that I don’t continue to soothe through food. I have a toolbox full of tools on what to not do with sexual addiction so now I need to validate those feelings give them a voice. Writing for me is very therapeutic. I need to reach out to my friends and pray with them. I need to reach out to my Lord and ask Him to help me lay out down at the foot of His cross.

Working out this week has made me very mindful of what I’m eating and realized that I often eat from boredom. That was my huge downfall in sexual addiction. I started ordering food from a company called Good food and it’s really healthy meals that come in two portions. You get three meals and they last for two days and I’m really excited to cook them because they taste so good. I’ve cut my snacks back or I don’t snack and I’m motivated to cook. Cooking for one can be hard and then I eat the wrong things. Also being kind to myself and not so hard on me. If you are struggling with food, alcohol, drugs, sexual addiction or whatever your drug of choice is. Lay it down to God talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to do this alone. You can reach out to me and I can help encourage you. Addiction is hard, it is real and it can be overcome. There is freedom. ❤️

Many of you know I hurt myself at work six weeks ago. It’s been a hard recovery. I started back to work this is my second week and it’s going well. As well as work I’ve been enrolled in a back to work rehab program for people on WCB. It’s an intensive program it’s four hours a day but because I work I go afterwards to the program. On my days off work I go to the program for four hours. The program has been really good for me but also very challenging as well.

It’s hard working out your body when I have been lazy and not looked after it properly. Years and years of abusing it different ways of course will be hard in so many ways. In this program I realized why I hurt myself I used my back for everything. In fact your back is supposed to be protected by one using their glutes and having a strong pelvic floor. None of which I had and how when I’m so stiff that when you breathe properly from your diaphragm it’s amazing how you can breathe through your pain and actually move properly. Wow who knew breathing was the key to so many things.

If I’m tense in my neck and shoulders how to breathe to relax. I realized I’m not a relaxed person at all. Today was a hard day I ran out of steam after two and a half hours. I hurt and I almost cried because how was I supposed to do this. The team talked to me about pacing myself I have no idea how to do that. I said that and they said we will teach you. My Physio helped me stretch that muscle in my hip and worked with me out felt a lot better. Before when things got tough I would want to run away. My whole life I have done fight or flight. The people in the program told me the first week is the hardest and then it gets easier.

I felt discouraged when I got home. I wanted to run away but there is no option to do that and I am the one who abused my body for so long. I heard an awesome podcast today by my two favourite people Kim and Troy Meeder. Kim talked about no matter where we are in life we need to push through our pain and trust God. Even when it’s hard reaching out to our Lord and in worship and laying out all down in front of Him. With Christ we can do anything in our lives. Only then will we feel His Amazing peace. This is just what I needed to help me move forward. It will hurt for a time and then our bodies get stronger and then we will be even better then we were before. I love that so much.

No matter what we are going through in our lives. Reach out to the Lord. He is waiting for us to lay down all our fears, anxiousness and all our pain. Psalm 62:5-6 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.